3 Secrets To A Stress Free Life

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith. ~Henry Ward Beecher

A stress free being is aware that he or she knows no destination other than Now. They experience no hesitation, procrastination or postponement of their life, ever! Why should there be? They love life too much, so their mind does not get in their way to cause any resistance. They have no stressful constriction of blood vessels caused by adrenaline rushes or fear or anger, they aren’t trying to avoid an early death because they are too consumed with the loving, being playful and enjoying life fully. They are trusting the flow, connecting to their thoughts, emotions and physical body. They are tapped into the perpetual flow of bliss within themselves.

Stress free people have learned that stress is their number one signal from the body to STOP and LET GO! Any avoidance strategy to ignore this signal and keep going is a sign of future pain. They know this and want to transcend the mental prison of their ego’s agenda. They’ve practiced the art of letting go and releasing stress for years and still consider themselves to be a student. They are always learning. They’ve truly come around to embracing their own innocence so that they can see and feel within their innermost core of their being is this pure “being” energy…the ecstasy everyone is seeking.

The stress free person also knows how to PLAY with people and takes them self less seriously. The entire Universe is their playground. If negative thoughts arise in the mind, they are invited in openly and experienced fully by their mind, emotional body and even welcomed physically. They resist NOTHING. If their previously stress-filled rigid ways of dealing with others come into form, they don’t refuse certain “negative” thoughts and feelings, they see each thought in the bigger scheme. That they are just a rocky bank in the greater flow of the River of Life, that has many mysteries, and hidden dimensions to experience. There is no tension found in the stress free being ever because no judgment, resistance or avoidance can find its way in.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ~Plato

SECRET #1 - Quiet Your Mind

The meditative mind is divine mind. It is simply being here in the now. It has become so relaxed that it is actually laser focused, pointing towards mindfulness in the now. Every stress free being will tell you there is no better time than this one that is happening right now. Meditation is a way to quiet the mind so you can see that all experiences (negative and positive) are paths for the soul to discover this higher Universal Source. A quiet mind can hear their intuition clearly so they can establish deeper connections with everyone in the world, and manifest a much more peaceful experience of life. A quiet mind is much easier to live with than a busy mind.

“The quieter you become, the more you’re able to hear.” ~Zen saying

SECRET #2 - Celebrate What Is Now

Our attachment to the past and future is what creates the GREATEST cause of stress in our lives. Since this moment is the only thing that is real, choose to be constantly celebrating what is happening now. If you are experiencing a problem, celebrate it! That problem will soon be a blessing in disguise. Life is actually a celebration of opposites. How could you know light without shadow, or depth without shallow-ness? We are in a state of perpetual ebb and flow of the tides. Celebration of this existence is what makes you a master of your life! Whatever it is that’s happening in your life right now, there is some way you can celebrate it. There is always another door opening where one has closed. Now is that moment that is filled with amazing qualities life consists of. Just realizing this little secret will assist you greatly in choosing to see the miraculous instead of the mundane wherever you are.

We are either all masters in ego-disguises, or all egos with master-amnesia. ~Unknown

SECRET #3 - Know Your Infinite Nature

The Truth is that we are all eternal beings who will never die. We are souls in a body who will only change form. We will be reborn again if we want to or not. If we have enough awareness we can choose to experience anything when we die. The infinite quality of your own being is just like saying the Sun is warm. It is a grand understatement of who we really are. When you get the true enormity of who you are, everything will change. Once this very small piece of information remains sacred and the goal for your entire day, month, and year, you will awaken. The Universe will welcome you to back home to your true limitless self and playground.

Ecstasy is our very nature; not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary. To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous. It needs no effort to be ecstatic, it needs great effort to be miserable. That’s why you look to tired, because misery is really hard work; to maintain it is really difficult, because you are doing something against nature. ~Osho

By Jafree Oswald and Margot Zaher
Creators of The Secrets of Manifesting

A Boob A Day….

By Jonathan Hayter

Staring at women’s breast is good for men’s health and makes them live longer, a survey reveals.

Researchers have discovered after a 10-minute ogle at women’s breast is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym. A five year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure and less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.

Dr. Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine:”Just 10-minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout. Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves circulation. There is no question that gazing at breast makes men healthier.”

“Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and a heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.”

How to Be Positive During Tough Times

Great article from US News and World Report. Here’s why it’s so important to stop complaining.

It’s too easy to complain right now. You’re paying through the nose for gas, you’ve put off retirement for another five years, your company just sacked 10 percent of your coworkers, and your workload has doubled. Even worse, your CEO made more money than the Chicago Cubs last year. It’s ridiculous! It’s outrageous! And you can’t get a day off to save your life.

Well, you’re probably the reason Jon Gordon, an author, speaker, and consultant, wrote The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work, because negativity is contagious. It spreads through organizations, hurting performance and productivity. Gordon recently sat down with U.S. News to talk about finding a better outlook on hard times. Excerpts:

Are you suggesting all complaining should be wiped out?

It’s the mindless complaining and the subtle negativity that really destroys organizations and teams.

Complaining is contagious, as we know. You get off the phone and you’re surrounded by people, maybe in a cubicle, and you start complaining to that person next to you, and that person starts complaining to the person next to them. One person can really affect an organization with their negative attitude.

What really separates complaining from other conversation?

There are two kinds of complaints. There’s a chronic, mindless complaining which is just venting and complaining, where you just feel helpless, you feel powerless. No. 2 is because it’s becoming a habit. You’re just so used to doing it.

On the other hand, a justified complaint says: Here’s what I don’t like, here’s what I don’t want, here’s what’s wrong. But here’s what I think we should do about it. It’s all about intent. If you care about the organization and you want something better for everyone, then it’s a positive complaint. If it’s all about your own ego, then you’re not interested in serving the team.

How can almost-retirees stay positive, when they have to stay at work or go back to work because they aren’t financially able to retire?

It’s “get to” versus “have to.” You get to go to work. You get to have a job, versus “have to.” So many people your age are sick. Many people have not even made it to your age. My mom passed away at 59 a year and a half ago. She was young. She was a real estate agent, and she got cancer. When I speak to people in real estate, I’ll say, ‘I know you’re facing a tough market right now, but you get to have this job, you get to live this life. My mom wishes she was in your shoes.’ And that really resonates with them.

You get to drive in traffic. Many people don’t even get to drive a car.

No. 2: They can go to work every day and say, ‘What bigger purpose can I fuel up with today?’ The research is clear—people are the most energized when using their strengths for a bigger purpose, beyond themselves. Older people have a lot of gifts to give in the workplace—a lot of wisdom and a lot of advice. Mentor, teach, share, and serve.

How do you face challenges?

When you’re facing that obstacle, look for the lesson; look for the opportunity in the challenge. Look for the solution in the complaint. Look for the action that needs to take place. The next president of the United States will be someone who has a clear vision for the future and offers solutions, not complaints.

Stay positive. This is not Pollyanna. But you have to have a positive vision for the road ahead. Looking forward—no matter what age you are—and being optimistic is the key.

Gratitude seems to play a big part.

It’s everything. I think it really is everything. All the research on gratitude is so powerful: You see that you can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time. It’s the way our brains and bodies are wired. So you focus on gratitude and you won’t be stressed. It’s the best stress reducer.

Is gratitude in short supply?

No doubt. OK, you’re paying $4 a gallon for gas, and I’m as upset as anybody. But you can say: ‘We’re not paying $8 a gallon. And we live in a free country. We live with so many amenities. We live with so many free things that we can enjoy.’… Instead of focusing on that complaint, you can now be grateful for what you have. And which emotion’s going to uplift you? Gratitude. Which one’s going to enhance your longevity? Gratitude. Which one will strengthen your immune system? Gratitude.

It seems an unusual topic for the workplace.

It’s harder in the workplace, and it’s not as natural. A great example is Doug Conant, the CEO of Campbell Soup. He’s written 16,000 thank-you notes to his employees over the last seven years. The No. 1 reason that people leave their jobs is because they don’t feel appreciated. It’s not only being thankful for your job, but being thankful for the others that you work with.

How successful are some corporate programs aimed at increasing positivity?

It has to permeate the organization. It has to be part of your DNA, of who you are. It works if it’s sincere. It works if it’s real, and if people know you really care about them. I can walk into a restaurant and tell if it’s a fake smile or it’s real. You can walk into a company and tell whether it’s real or not.

You say that negativity fills voids. What voids should companies look out for?

If employees don’t feel seen or heard, or they don’t hear and see, they don’t know what’s going on and they don’t feel communicated with, we will assume the worst. And the great example of that is cancer. Cancer sits alone in the body. It starts acting alone. It’s the same way with a company. If you think you are alone, you’ll act alone. But if you feel like you’re part of the body, part of the whole, then you’ll support the whole.

Copyrighted, U.S.News & World Report, L.P. All rights reserved.

35 Sleeping Tips For Insomniacs

Ever had one of those nights you just can’t get to sleep. Does it happen night after night? How about when you wake up at three in the morning, looking over at the clock knowing you have to get up at five. Sleepybed.com has come up with 35 ways to help overcome your night time blues.

Insomnia is one of those afflictions that can be temporary and a minor annoyance, or long-term and life-affecting. Insomnia has ruined lives, caused lost jobs and promotions, lost relationships, and accidents. The cost of insomnia in the United States is estimated at over $100B.

There are three types of insomnia: initial, middle, late/ terminal. Insomnia is sometimes also classified as either primary or medical, and can be induced by stress or anxiety, or even be genetic. While persistent insomnia should be checked with your health care provider, short-term effects can be relieved or prevented in a variety of ways.

A couple of my favorites:

Laugh it up.
Laughter relaxes you, relaxes muscles, allowing you better chance of sleep. If you watch TV, don’t do it in bed.

Meditate.
If you are stressed out or distracted for any reason, your body is not relaxed and hence you’ll have a hard time sleeping.

Here are some more suggestions.

How To Experience Total Freedom

Eckhart Tolle asks the questions: Are you stressed? Are you so busy getting to the future that the present is reduced to a means of getting there? Stress is caused by being “here” but wanting to be “there,” or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside.

Are your thought processes creating guilt, pride, resentment, anger, regret, or self-pity? Then you are not only reinforcing a false sense of self but also helping to accelerate your body’s aging process by creating an accumulation of past in your psyche. Verify this for yourself by observing those around you who have a strong tendency to hold on to the past.

Does the past take up a great deal of your attention? Do you frequently talk and think about it, either positively or negatively? The great things that you have achieved, your adventures or experiences, or your victim story and the dreadful things that were done to you, or maybe what you did to someone else?

Die To The Past Every Moment

You don’t need it. Only refer to it when it is absolutely relevant to the present. Feel the power of this moment and the fullness of Being. Feel your presence.

Are you worried? Do you have many “what if” thoughts? You are identified with your mind, which is projecting itself into an imaginary future situation and creating fear. There is no way that you can cope with such a situation, because it doesn’t exist. It’s a mental phantom.

You can stop this health- and life-corroding insanity simply by acknowledging the present moment.

Give Up Waiting As A State Of Mind

When you catch yourself slipping into waiting… snap out of it. Come into the present moment. Just be, and enjoy being. If you are present, there is never any need for you to wait for anything.

So next time somebody says, “Sorry to have kept you waiting,” you can reply, “That’s all right, I wasn’t waiting. I was just standing here enjoying myself — in joy in my self.”

These are just a few of the habitual mind strategies for denying the present moment that are part of ordinary unconsciousness. They are easy to overlook because they are so much a part of normal living: the background static of perpetual discontent. But the more you practice monitoring your inner mental-emotional state, the easier it will be to know when you have been trapped in past or future, which is to say unconscious, and to awaken out of the dream of time into the present. But beware: The false, unhappy self, based on mind identification, lives on time. It knows that the present moment is its own death and so feels very threatened by it. It will do all it can to take you out of it. It will try to keep you trapped in time.

In a sense, the state of presence could be compared to waiting. It is a qualitatively different kind of waiting, one that requires your total alertness. Something could happen at any moment, and if you are not absolutely awake, absolutely still, you will miss it. In that state, all your attention is in the Now. There is none left for daydreaming, thinking, remembering, anticipating. There is no tension in it, no fear, just alert presence. You are present with your whole Being, with every cell of your body.

In that state, the “you” that has a past and a future, the personality if you like, is hardly there anymore. And yet nothing of value is lost. You are still essentially yourself. In fact, you are more fully yourself than you ever were before, or rather it is only now that you are truly yourself.

The past cannot survive in your presence. Whatever you need to know about the unconscious past in you, the challenges of the present will bring it out. If you delve into the past, it will become a bottomless pit: There is always more. You may think that you need more time to understand the past or become free of it, in other words, that the future will eventually free you of the past. This is a delusion. Only the present can free you of the past. More time cannot free you of time.

Access the power of Now. That is the key. The power of Now is none other than the power of your presence, your consciousness liberated from thought forms. So deal with the past on the level of the present. The more attention you give to the past, the more you energize it, and the more likely you are to make a “self” out of it.

Don’t misunderstand: Attention is essential, but not to the past as past. Give attention to the present; give attention to your behavior, to your reactions, moods, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present. There’s the past in you. If you can be present enough to watch all those things, not critically or analytically but non judgmentally, then you are dealing with the past and dissolving it through the power of your presence.

Become Aware Of Your Breathing

Feel the air flowing in and out of your body. Feel your inner energy field. All that you ever have to deal with, cope with, in real life — as opposed to imaginary mind projections — is this moment. Ask yourself what “problem” you have right now, not next year, tomorrow, or five minutes from nöw. What is wrong with this moment?

You can always cope with the Now, but you can never cope with the future — nor do you have to. The answer, the strength, the right action, or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after.

Are you a habitual “waiter”? How much of your life do you spend waiting? What I call “small-scale waiting” is waiting in line at the post office, in a traffïc jam, at the airport, or waiting for someone to arrive, to finish work, and so on. “Large-scale waiting” is waiting for the next vacation, for a better job, for the children to grow up, for a truly meaningful relationship, for success, to make money, to be important, to become enlightened. It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.

Waiting is a state of mind. Basically, it means that you want the future; you don’t want the present. You don’t want what you’ve got, and you want what you haven’t got. With every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you losë the present.

For example, many people are waiting for prosperity. It cannot come in the future. When you honor, acknowledge, and fully accept your present reality — where you are, who you are, what you are doing right now — when you fully accept what you have got, you are grateful for what you have got, grateful for what is, grateful for Being. Gratitude for the present moment and the fullness of life now is true prosperity. It cannot come in the future. Then, in time, that prosperity manifests for you in various ways.

If you are dissatisfied with what you have got, or even frustrated or angry about your present lack, that may motivate you to become rich, but even if you do make millions, you will continue to experience the inner condition of lack, and deep down you will continue to feel unfulfilled. You may have many exciting experiences that monëy can buy, but they will come and go and always leave you with an empty feeling and the need for further physical or psychological gratification. You won’t abide in Being and so feel the fullness of life now that alone is true prosperity.

You cannot find yourself by going into the past. You find yourself by coming into the present.

Eckhart Tolle is the author of the internationally-acclaimed The Power of Now and Stillness Speaks.

Knocking Out Stress For A More Enjoyable Day

Readers Digest has a 37 tips on defusing stress. Some days it seems as if life throws you stress left, right, up, and down. It can drain your energy, destroy your good mood, and challenge your outlook. Those are the obvious mental repercussions. And yet stress can be relatively easy to manage. All it takes is a mental commitment to it — and an open mind. These proven approaches to stress management work. Give several a try.

Defuse Stress for a More Enjoyable Day

Secrets Of The Siesta

A regular afternoon nap might be one of the best defenses against heart disease, according to a new study.

In a long-term study of Greek men and women, subjects who took at least three 30-minute siestas every week had a 37 per cent lower risk of heart disease-related death than those who skipped an afternoon snooze. The authors of the study, reporting in the journal Archives of Internal Medicine, believe the stress-reducing effects of sleep may be responsible.

Among working men, the benefits of the power nap were even more striking; the men who made time for a daily nap, either occasionally or systematically, had a more than 60 per cent lower risk of death from heart disease than their more hard-charging compatriots. The researchers were unable to assess the impact of the siesta on working women because of insufficient data, according to the study.

“We interpret our findings as indicating that among healthy adults, siesta, possibly on account of stress-releasing consequences, may reduce coronary mortality,” said the authors.

The results stem from a six-year study of more than 23,000 Greek men and women between the ages of 20 and 86. Volunteers were enrolled in 1994 and followed for more than six years. At the end of that period, 792 participants had died, 133 of them from heart disease.

Researchers from the University of Athens Medical School in Greece and Harvard School of Public Health in Boston, Massachusetts, hope that the results of the study will settle a question that has vexed investigators for some time: namely, whether the lower rates of coronary heart-disease seen in Mediterranean and Latin American countries are related to the natives’ habit of taking an afternoon siesta.

Several studies have explored the connection, but the results have been conflicting. With this study, the researchers were careful to enroll only healthy volunteers and to take account of other risk factors, such as diet and physical activity, providing for a more robust analysis.

In Spain and Mexico, the cultural institution of the daily siesta has come under attack in recent years, with critics arguing that the midday work stoppage puts businesses at a competitive disadvantage in today’s global economy.

But the authors of the study suggest that what may be bad for the bottom line may be extremely good for the health of employees. “The public health message is clear - if you can take a midday nap, do so,” said co-author Dimitrios Trichopoulos, of the Harvard School of Public Health.

Coronary heart disease is the leading cause of death worldwide, with the highest rates of the disease seen in developing countries, according to the World Health Organization.

Agençe France-Presse

How To Control Software Developer Stress

As an escalation manager for a major database / application software company, I’m responsible for marshaling developers who can diagnose and resolve critical customer issue’s to meet business deadlines or critical milestones.

When a customer can’t meet payroll, close the books, ship product or experiences poor system performance, the temperature can rise and customer emotions can flare - one of the major contributers to stress.

These methods work regardless if your a developer working with other developers to meet an internal deadline or with a customer who has purchased your product. (These also work great in personal relationships as well.)

So how to tame the beast?

1. Avoid the blame game. This is huge. Emotional customers only add to the stress developer’s experience. It can contribute to a lack of focus, prioritization, and ineffective diagnoses of root cause. Often, customers blame the developer before assessing the problem. They are reacting in crises mode, despite the fact, they may have caused they’re problem with inappropriate setups caused by inexperience, lack of training or technical talent.

But in the end it doesn’t matter who is at fault. There is a problem that needs to be addressed and there is a solution that needs to be diagnosed and implemented. Blaming is a waste of valuable time and energy. Understand the source of the emotion and stay away from blame assessment. Stay professional and focused on working a plan of action, which leads to…

2. Focus on the issue and not the emotions. Find a way to take emotions out of the equation and channel the energy into diagnosing root cause. One very effective way to accomplish this, is to ask the right questions.

Asking the right questions channels the customer’s energy back to the challenge and takes the attention off the crippling emotions. Asking the right questions also helps development bring closure that much quicker.

It’s important to remember, the customer is looking for the developer to take control and leadership of the technical problem. If development stays calm and focused on the task at hand, so will the customer. And that’s a good thing.

3. Prioritize. Rarely are system problems caused by just one thing. Environmental failures are often caused by a chain of factors. Concentrate resources and bandwidth on the issue that is causing the most amount of damage. Triage the remaining challenges.

For example, if there are five critical issue’s impacting the customers ability to conduct business as usual, then team and partner with the customer to help prioritize the order in which issue’s are addressed. This will set expectations for both sides. Setting expectations is managing and controlling the problem. This leads to more manageable stress levels.

4. Work a plan of action. Be clear who owns the next step in diagnosing the problem. Not only does it need to be clear who owns the next action item, but it’s also important to set expectations on when the action item is to be completed.

For example, if the customer is asked to supply information, it needs to be clear when this information is going to be available. Likewise, if development is analyzing this information, there needs to be a time frame communicated in which development will provide an update on the current status. Working an effective plan of action keeps the issue moving forward and that much closer to resolution. Small successes lead to lower stress levels and ultimately, resolution.

These are just a few things that can help alleviate the pressure and stress of working in a high tech environment. They translate well in personal relationships well. Just don’t ask your significant other to apply a code patch to fix her personality.

Article by Robert Hunt

52 Proven Ways To Reduce Stress

Not only is this a list of suggestions to reduce stress in your life, but it’s also offers fantastic advice on how to live your life. Compiled by the counseling center of The Texas Woman’s University.

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.

2. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.

3. Don’t rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc.

4. Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.

5. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.

6. Practice preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart “at the worst possible moment.”

7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant.

8. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now.

9. Plan ahead. Don’t let the gas tank get below one-quarter full; keep a well-stocked “emergency shelf” of home staples; don’t wait until you’re down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more; etc.

10. Don’t put up with something that doesn’t work right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers - whatever- are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.

11. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures.

12. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.

13. Always set up contingency plans, “just in case.” (”If for some reason either of us is delayed, here’s what we’ll do. . .” kind of thing. Or, “If we get split up in the shopping center, here’s where we’ll meet.”)

14. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn’t get mowed this weekend.

15. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings. Count ‘em!

16. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can save hours. (The old “the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get,” idea.)

17. Say “No!” Saying “no” to extra projects, social activities, and invitations you know you don’t have the time or energy for takes practice, self-respect, and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax and be alone.

18. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil.) Or use an answering machine.

19. Turn “needs” into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don’t get attached to preferences.

20. Simplify, simplify, simplify. . .

21. Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get you into the habit of worrying faster than associating with chronic worrywarts.

22. Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires that you sit for extended periods.

23. Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home, pop in some earplugs.

24. Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm clock to remind you to go to bed.

25. Create order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won’t have to go through the stress of losing things.

26. When feeling stressed, most people tend to breathe short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is incomplete, and muscle tension frequently results. Check your breathing throughout the day, and before, during, and after high-pressure situations. If you find your stomach muscles knotted and your breathing is shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep, slow breaths.

27. Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a journal, or on paper to be thrown away) can help you clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective

28. Try the following yoga technique whenever you feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through your nose to the count of eight. Then, with lips puckered, exhale very slowly through your mouth to the count of 16, or for as long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.

29. Inoculate yourself against a feared event. Example: before speaking in public, take time to go over every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what you’ll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will present your talk, what the questions will be and how you will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way you would have it be. You’ll likely find that when the time comes to make the actual presentation, it will be “old hat” and much of your anxiety will have fled.

30. When the stress of having to get a job done gets in the way of getting the job done, diversion - a voluntary change in activity and/or environment - may be just what you need.

31. Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a trusted friend can help clear your mind of confusion so you can concentrate on problem solving.

32. One of the most obvious ways to avoid unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work, home, leisure) which is in line with your personal needs and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don’t accept a job which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to talk politics, don’t associate with people who love to talk politics, etc.

33. Learn to live one day at a time.

34. Every day, do something you really enjoy.

35. Add an ounce of love to everything you do.

36. Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in summertime) to relieve tension.

37. Do something for somebody else.

38. Focus on understanding rather than on being understood; on loving rather than on being loved.

39. Do something that will improve your appearance. Looking better can help you feel better.

40. Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back appointments; allow time between appointments for a breathing spell.

41. Become more flexible. Some things are worth not doing perfectly and some issues are fine to compromise upon.

42. Eliminate destructive self-talk: “I’m too old to. . .,” “I’m too fat to. . .,” etc.

43. Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If your work week is slow and patterned, make sure there is action and time for spontaneity built into your weekends. If your work week is fast-paced and full of people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during your days off. Feel as if you aren’t accomplishing anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend which you can finish to your satisfaction.

44. “Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.” That’s another way of saying: take care of the todays as best you can and the yesterdays and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.

45. Do one thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one or nothing else. When you are busy with a project, concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to do.

46. Allow yourself time - everyday - for privacy, quiet, and introspection.

47. If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it early in the day and get it over with, then the rest of your day will be free of anxiety.

48. Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.

49. Don’t forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if it’s just for 15 or 20 minutes.

50. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing something or saying anything that could make matters worse.

51. Have a forgiving view of events and people. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world.

52. Have an optimistic view of the world. Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

Source: Texas Woman’s University

FEAR: It’ll Make You Scream, It’ll Make You Cry, It’ll Leave You Shaking In Your Boots

But don’t panic. Advice that will help you vanquish this enemy within. Fear is the real king of the jungle. It rules our actions, consciously or not. It makes us wuss out of skiing down a black-diamond slope and spaz out while hitting on that hot Lindsay Lohan look-alike. But why? And how can we stop it?

Remember that cost-cutting report you were supposed to deliver to your boss last week? How could you forget? You’ve thought of little else since the deadline came and went, and you’re pretty sure he hasn’t forgotten about it, either. You owe him an explanation, but you’re way too terrified to go into his office and give him an excuse.

Instead, you sit in your cubicle, sweating profusely, hyperventilating, imagining the worst. Now your boss is standing over you, grinding his molars–you can actually hear them. He waits for your explanation You want to tell him that a two-day deadline was perhaps a bit unrealistic. But you can’t. Your ears are buzzing. Your face feels hot. A bead of sweat falls from your forehead to your desk. This, you realize, is how the wounded gazelle feels facing the hungry lion on the savanna plains. You stagger on, but it’s useless. You can’t get away.

In this era of terror threats and job threats, of orange alerts at home and monkeypox abroad, we can’t avoid dread any more than we can control its cause. But we can control our fear. It starts with knowing the enemy. What often seems like an all-encompassing emotion is actually manufactured in a small knot of neurons called the amygdala, the brain’s Fear Command Center. When it senses a threat, it unleashes adrenaline and pumps blood to muscles, sharpening our senses and prepping us for action. How well we initially respond to challenges may largely be a function of biology.

Yale University’s Charles A. Morgan III, M.D., who’s currently studying the physiological toughness of Green Berets and Navy Seals, has found that his subjects have higher-than-normal levels of a brain hormone called neuropeptide Y, which he believes counters the adverse affects of an adrenaline surge. “They’re more relaxed and have clearer mental focus under severe stress,” explains Morgan. “They’re excited by risk, but they’re also very conscientious about performing well.”

Civilians like us can also benefit from high anxiety. Fear of failure, unemployment, and homelessness drives us out of bed and off to the office in the morning. And, when the pressure’s on, it helps us concentrate harder and focus more. It’s when panic gets in the way of work, say, or our sex lives that we should really be scared.

Psychologists, sex therapists, and others trained to treat these so-called “performance-based” fears will tell you there’s no miracle cure for panic. But we can keep it from ruling our lives. Here’s how.

At Work

A creative executive once worked for a brilliant guy who managed by reign of terror. When he wasn’t reaming the staff during meetings, he was tearing apart their work, constantly dismissing it as the worst he had ever seen. And that was on a good day. The entire crew was working scared until someone got the nerve to confront him. Suddenly, the verbal tirades stopped. The lesson? Whether we’re terrified of a bullying boss or an impossible deadline, the most effective way to wrangle fear at work is to face it down–the sooner the better.

“One of the chief causes of stress is avoiding stress,” says Ben Dattner, Ph.D., an organizational psychologist and the president of Dattner Consulting, L.L.C., in New York. “If your boss sets unrealistic sales goals, you’re going to have to confront that sooner or later.” We need to learn how to stand up to the big man and, similarly, get over our dread of falling short. Some strategies:

* If that big assignment finds you hiding beneath your desk, it may be because you’re still hung up on some past failure. Eileen Wolkstein, a career counselor and executive coach in New York, suggests focusing on a recent achievement–such as when you earned praise for your work on an earlier project or even when you broke through the 300-pound ceiling on the bench press. Think about the effort you poured into those tasks–the grit, the stamina. Now do the same with your new assignment. As Wolkstein notes, “A lot of skills you’ve developed elsewhere can transfer to your job.”

* When you’ve got a beef with a workplace superior, write it out before confronting him, suggests Wolkstein. Then choose an ideal delivery time, such as when he’s not overwhelmed. (FYI: In the men’s room is not a good moment.) And don’t be combative: Use “I” not “You.” (Correct: “I feel this idea won’t work.” Incorrect: “Your idea is butt-headed.”) “Your message will be better appreciated if you engage in a dialogue,” says Wolkstein. “You’re not there to be right. You’re there to communicate.”

In Society

When top football running back Ricky Williams was a rookie with the New Orleans Saints, he was a panicky head case. He’d conduct post-game interviews with his helmet strapped on, and he’d recoil from giddy fans, feeling sick to his stomach. So great was his terror of speaking to people, he couldn’t even place an order at Burger King. “I thought everyone was staring at me all the Time,” he later told Sports Illustrated. “The stress skewed my view of reality.”

With the help of a therapist, Williams eventually overcame social-anxiety disorder, a disease that afflicts some 10 million Americans. It can be a dread of something specific, such as talking at a shareholders’ meeting, or a more widespread panic. But both are generally fueled by a profound fear of rejection–a feeling everyone can relate to (even you). The next time social interaction drives you into a cold sweat, consider these game plans from Charles di Cagno, director of the Public Speaking & Social Anxiety Center in New York:

* Scared to give that presentation? “Practice in a similar situation,” says di Cagno. First, rehearse standing in front of friends with your hands at your side and your feet in place (that is, don’t sway). Next, get comfortable reading aloud, going at an even pace and pronouncing every word. Then try speaking for a couple of minutes on a topic you know cold. Now prep your speech, outlining just a few key points and anecdotes. “If you work in manageable steps,” promises di Cagno, “you’ll build confidence faster than by just doing a presentation to death.”

At Play

From the chairlift it looked simple enough. A quick chute through some aspens, a patch of moguls, then nothing but lush, untouched snow. But your gut drops as you stand atop your snowboard, 12,000 feet up, staring down a 50-degree run. Whose idea was this? Oh, yeah–your stupid friends, who are already gouging the powder with hard, swooping eurocarves. But you can’t bail now. So you plunge in, and right away you know you’re going way too fast. You can’t turn, can’t stop, can’t even breathe. And the trees? They’re speeding right at you? You crouch low and tight, bracing for impact, thanking God and the guy at the board shop for your shiny new helmet.

This moment of prime-time terror is brought to you courtesy of a biological phenomenon called the anxiety curve. When our emotional state is at the lower end, we don’t feel much fear or pressure, so we’re easily bored and distracted. When we’re on the high end, our panic is so great that we can’t focus on anything but our fear. By controlling our dread of big waves or nasty slopes, we can learn to perform somewhere in the middle–or that ideal state of excitement that sports psychologists call “the Zone.” The surest way to get there is to face down challenges and tune out that voice that says, “No way, dude?’ Try these mantras instead:

* What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Research has shown that the more we Pace a terrifying challenge–like that 50-degree slope–the better we perform. “If you’ve successfully dealt with a certain stress before,” explains Yale’s Morgan, “you can fall back on a memory of behavior. You’ll perceive that you have more control, and that gives you confidence.” But just boarding or surfing isn’t enough. Board or surf in the very conditions that freak you out. Then keep doing it, again and again.

* I think I can, I think I can.

Block out thoughts like, “The wave is too big” or “The trail is too steep.” These fern’s become self-fulfilling prophecies, says New York clinical sports psychologist Jonathan K Katz, Ph.D., because they drain our energy. “I’ve constantly told Wimbledon players to focus on the next point, not the one they just lost;’ says Katz, who’s also worked with Olympic hopefuls and some New York Mets. So what if you ate coral a minute ago? Get out of your head and back on the wave.

FEAR FACTORY

In his five seasons as executive producer of the NBC reality TV series Feor Factor, Matt Kunitz has become an authority on freaking people out. “We try to tap into people’s primal fears,” says Kunitz. “Fear of heights. Fear of spiders and snakes. Drowning. We’ve done a lot with cockroaches.” He’s especially proud of a stunt from last season, in which contestants were wrapped in a body bag then submerged underwater. “It was a simple thing to get out of, but five out of the six panicked completely,” he says. “The one guy who made it went last, so he knew exactly what to do.”

Kunitz, bemoans the fact that the most successful contestants often make for TV bores. “The big, macho guys–they rarely win,” he says. “It’s not about being physical, it’s about focus and being in the right mind-set.”

This year Kunitz is really aiming to crush morale. “We’re going to put them on a metal beam and shoot 2 million volts of Tesla lightning bolts at their heads,” he says giddily. “It’s going to be complete psychological terror.”

L.C. Smith is a freelance writer living in Brooklyn. He’s not afraid of anything–except his dentist.

Why Do We Stress?

If you do an on-line search on stress, you’ll find a lot of web sites that do a good job of identifying stress with quizzes and tools that measure your level of stress. There’s even a website that has a test to determine whether you even have stress at all… and if they convince you that you do, they’re ready and willing to sell you the cure.

That’s all fine and well, but if I’m stressed, I want to get to the root of the problem. Sure, stress may be because your job is demanding, or the kids are screaming and the bills are due when there’s no money in the bank. Those are stressful situations, but why are they stressful situations?

The first answer that pops in the mind of many is because I can’t pay the bills and I don’t have any control over the situation. Many think they wouldn’t stress if they had control over they’re environment. “If my job wasn’t demanding and I could pay the bills, then it wouldn’t be so stressful.”

Is that really true? If you had more coin in the bank and a really cool career, then your life wouldn’t be so stressful. Or would it?

In this example, are career and money really the root cause of stress? If it wasn’t your job, or the lack of money, it would probably be something else. I know for a fact, people who are rich are not immune to stress. And individuals who have some pretty amazing careers still experience a certain amount of stress that goes along with the pressure’s of most any career.

So what causes the stress in our lives and how do we handle it? I’m one of those people who completely agree that we are the one’s who induce ALL of the stress we experience in our lives. Not just some of it, or a little bit of it…. but all of it. We induce stress in our lives, because at the root of it all, we harbor fear.

I know, some of you are thinking… right… he doesn’t have a clue. The guy who hit my car; nooo… he didn’t have anything to do with my stress levels. Or how about the fact I can’t pay my mortgage, I suppose that’s my fault? What about my job? They’re closing the plant down next week and I suppose that has nothing to do with my level of stress?

What I’m saying is this. In each and every one of those circumstances, if we can come to appreciate and understand the power of our control, we can ultimately begin to change the circumstances that we believe to be the cause of our stress.

Let’s take an example. Suppose you can’t make the mortgage - pretty stressful stuff for most people. Like most people, you don’t really care why it’s stressful; you just want to pay the mortgage so that the stress goes away. I completely understand but if you can’t pay it this month, chances are your going to encounter a similar situation the following month.

Ok, so you’ve decided to figure out why you’re stressed over the mortgage. The obvious reason is because you fear you will lose your home. If you lose your home, you’ll have no place to live, and if you have no place to live, you’ll be walking the streets, and if you end up walking the streets, someone might attack you, and if someone attacks you, you could end up dead and if you end up dead… then you won’t have to worry about the mortgage.

Believe it or not, some people will use that train of thought. But let’s flip it a little. When you experience the inability to pay the mortgage and you are bursting with stress, what is the fear here? When you come down to it, it is the fear of powerlessness. When your talking about any sense of stress, you can always link it back to a fear of being powerless.

Without getting too esoteric here, the reason you are feeling powerless is because you have not identified with that part of you which is creating the situation in the first place. You are the reason you cannot pay your mortgage… not your job or circumstances. Your powerlessness stems from the thoughts and actions you have been processing on a continual basis.

I’m not referring to some new age mama jama. I’m talking about a mindset that says, I don’t have the ability to alter my circumstances for the better, or if I do, it’s very limited. I am powerless to the will of a higher power and if I can’t pay the mortgage, then that’s just the way it is.

And what I’m saying is…. YOU are the higher power. If you were powerful enough to create the inability to pay, you are just as powerful to create the circumstances to actually pay the house off. I know that’s a leap from some people, but if you manage the responsibility of your thoughts, you can reduce, or better yet, eliminate the stress in your life.

There is an article here that goes into greater detail on the law of attraction and how we bring these “stressful situations” in our lives, but in a nutshell, you bring all circumstances in your life by what you tend to focus on. You keep focusing on the fact you can’t pay your mortgage, then that is what you will continually engage.

If you want to reduce or eliminate the stress if your life, then you’re going to have to shift the way you think. This isn’t new or earth shattering information. It’s been well documented. But this is a mindset change you’re probably not going to be able to do overnight. It’s a gradual process that takes time, effort and practice. You have to want to change with the belief you are the creator of your life and not subject to the whims of a God or an unfair universe.

And remember, if all of this is nonsense to you, then just do what my Dad use to tell me…”don’t sweat the small stuff; and it’s all small stuff”. Only he didn’t use the word “stuff”.

Copyright 2006 Robert Hunt

Negative Thoughts Are Fantastic

You know the kind I’m talking about. That little voice that runs through your mind often telling you life is too hard, or your not good enough, or you can’t have something you really want, or it cost too much. Or how about those thoughts you have when paying the bills and there’s not enough money to go around. These thoughts, if left unchecked, repeated over and over, tend to drag us down and make it even more difficult to find the path toward a more enlightened, enjoyable life.

Trying to discipline your mind in order to keep those negative thoughts out of your head is like trying to hold water in a net. It’s like trying to not think about a pink elephant. Your going to have them. Its a given and there is no sense in attempting the impossible. Individual mind control can become tiring, frustrating and often self defeating. But there is another way…. a way to use negative thoughts to your advantage.

Let me offer a solution that might help you think about this another way. The goal is not to get rid of negative thoughts, but rather use them to guide you to thoughts that are more in line with what you desire. Bear with me on this while I use an extremely simple example.

Suppose you want a new car. But you believe you can’t have one. For whatever reason, you feel you cannot afford the one you want so you get down on yourself. Your thoughts become negative and before you know it, you feel depressed. One thought leads to another… you don’t make enough money, you’ll never get a better job in order to afford this car, much less pay your current bills. You keep focused on the fact you can’t afford the new car you desire and you continue to feel bad and your thoughts continue to spiral downward.

Instead, suppose you let those negative thoughts trigger a sign post within yourself… to wake you up, and turn your attention away from what you don’t want…the lack of a new car. Choose your thoughts. Instead of thinking about the car you can’t have, think about the car you can and will have. Doesn’t it feel much better? It feels more empowering. Begin to see yourself driving your new car. Your mind has now triggered your thought process to look for ways you can achieve your desire. Beforehand, you might have just accepted the fact you couldn’t have the car you wanted and probably would’ve given up on your desire.

I understand this is a very simplistic example, but the point is made. Negative thoughts are powerful triggers that are there as reminders to change your focus. It is your inner self, shaking you, screaming at you, rattling your cage, letting you know you are not on the path to obtaining everything you desire in life.

Negative thoughts are essential in helping you keep your focus on what it is you desire… not what you do not desire. See the difference? If I am feeling negative or having negative thoughts about something, it is a clue or signal to myself to turn my attention toward what I’m wanting… that I’ve been giving too much attention to something that doesn’t please me.

Over a period of time, if consistently practiced, those thoughts you consider negative will occur less and less. Its been my experience that if negative thoughts are not charged with much emotion, they don’t tend to affect my life in any substantial way. Its not a matter of stopping negative thoughts from occurring but using them as essential tools to keep you focused on your life’s fondest desire’s.

Copyright © 2006 by Robert Hunt