Great Lessons From Great Men

By J.D. Roth

Because I write a personal finance blog, I read a lot of books about money. I’ll be honest: they’re usually pretty boring. Sure, they can tell you how to invest in bonds or how to find the latest loophole in the tax code. But most of them lack a certain something: the human element.

Recently I’ve begun to read a different kind of money book in my spare time. I’ve discovered the joy of classic biographies and success manuals, especially those written by (or about) wealthy and/or thrifty men. When I read about Benjamin Franklin or Warren Buffett or J.C. Penney, I learn a lot — not just about money, but about how to be a better man.

Here are twelve of most important lessons that these books, written by and about great men of years gone by, have taught me:

Be Tenacious
“Anybody can be a halfway man, but the one who rises above this class is the one who keeps everlastingly pushing.” — J. Ogden Armour, Touchstones of Success (1920)
More than any other, one lesson stands out from the books I’ve read: Never give up. If you have a goal or a dream, pursue it. If there’s a cause that you truly believe in, then fight for it. That’s not to say that you should doggedly chase greed or gluttony, but that you should do your best to achieve those things that are important to you. Great men struggle through daunting obstacles to reach their destinations. In everything that you do, do your best. And remember: The road to wealth is paved with goals.

Exercise Self-Control
“‘Tis easier to suppress the first desire, than to satisfy all that follow it.” — Benjamin Franklin, The Way to Wealth (1758)
Benjamin Franklin famously attempted to codify his quest for self-control. As Brett wrote last year, Franklin committed himself to thirteen virtues, and he developed a system for tracking how disciplined he was in his daily pursuit of these ideals. There’s nothing wrong with an occasional indulgence. But when the indulgence becomes a habit — or worse, a vice — this can affect your life. Even destroy it. If you have habits that prevent you from fulfilling your potential, find a way to boost your self-control. (You might, for example, use Joe’s Goals to track your progress, much like Benjamin Franklin did.)

Do the Right Thing
“To be truly rich, regardless of his fortune or lack of it, a man must live by his own values. If those values are not personally meaningful, then no amount of money gained can hide the emptiness of life without them.” — John Paul Getty, How to Be Rich (1961)
Have a code of honor, and live by it. Your code of honor might come from your faith, or from your education, or from your family. Whatever the source, live by these values. Life is filled with temptations. The more you accomplish, the more people will tempt you with offers for quick gains or passing pleasures. Many men succumb to these, but those who do rarely achieve what they might have if they’d stuck to their principles. The books I’ve read are filled with stories of men who have resisted the urge to compromise, and who believe that this has been a key to their success. Don’t cheat. Be honest. Work hard. And embrace the golden rule.

Embrace The Golden Rule
“Good will is one of the few really important assets of life. A determined man can win almost anything that he goes after, but unless, in his getting, he gains good will he has not profited much.” — Henry Ford, My Life and Work (1922)
James Cash Penney — the man behind the J.C. Penney chain of department stores — believed that success could be measured by how a man treated others. In his book, Fifty Years with the Golden Rule, Penney describes his life-long adherence to this maxim: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Other great men believed the same. They believed that their fortunes came not from pursuing money itself, but by producing something of value to others. But this principle also holds true outside of business. In your dealings with your friends, your family, and with strangers, treat others as you would like to be treated. Doing so builds social capital, strengthening the fiber of the community.

Pay Yourself First
“Many a man is poor today, although he has worked like a slave, simply because he could not save.” — Orison Swett Marden, The Young Man Entering Business (1903)
Another common thread in most of these books — and in personal-finance classics like The Richest Man in Babylon — is the importance of saving. “Pay yourself first,” the old adage goes, and it’s great advice. If you will set aside ten or twenty per cent of all that you earn, your fortune will grow far beyond that of your peers. Some of this money should be invested in a manner that makes you comfortable. (You should learn about the concepts of asset allocation and diversification, if you haven’t already.) But some of your money should also be set aside in a high-interest savings account to act as an emergency fund. When you save — when you pay yourself first — you are using the strength of your youth to insure your uncertain tomorrow.

Avoid Debt
“Be assured that it gives much more pain to the mind to be in debt, than to do without any article whatever which we may seem to want.” — Thomas Jefferson, Letter to his daughter Martha (14 June 1787)
Debt is slavery. When you owe money to another man, you are obligated to work for his benefit, not yours. Many young men struggle with debt — I did so myself. But those who are not able to overcome their spending habits are likely to find themselves always poor. When you pay interest to someone else, you cannot earn interest for yourself. When you’re in debt, your options are limited. You cannot choose, for example, to take a month off to travel across the country with a friend. You cannot quit a job you hate. If you did, how would your bills get paid? To be sure, a certain amount of debt is useful in business, but make it a policy in your personal life to never borrow for something that will decrease in value. (And if you’re already behind, make it a priority to get out of debt as soon as possible.)

Keep Well
“The foundation of success in life is good health: that is the substratum of fortune; it is the basis of happiness. A person cannot accumulate a fortune very well when he is sick.” — P.T. Barnum, The Art of Money Getting (1880)
Your health is your greatest asset. If you lack health, you cannot work, and cannot produce an income. Health allows you to engage in productive activities, at work and at play. It allows you to enjoy the company of your friends and family. And it allows you to live with vigor. Guard your health. Do not neglect your body. Eat well. Exercise regularly. If you drink or smoke, do so in moderation. You will not live forever, but with some care and foresight, you may get a little closer!

Do Not Covet
“By wishing to be what he calls ‘up-to-date’ as his friends or boon companions, many a young man mortgages his future.” — Orison Swett Marden, The Young Man Entering Business (1903)
It never pays to compare yourself to others. For one, you can find yourself longing to own the same things they do. Your best friend buys a new Ford Mustang, and suddenly you want one too. The guys from work go out for drinks on Friday evening, but you’re broke — the temptation to join in, to have what others have, can be unbearable. Focus only on yourself and how the things you own and do relate to your goals. Don’t be jealous of others. (This is one message in the famous essay, “Acres of Diamonds”: Instead of looking elsewhere for wealth, look at your own life.)

Live Modestly
“This, then, is held to be the duty of the man of wealth…To set an example of modest, unostentatious living, shunning display or arrogance.” — Andrew Carnegie, The Gospel of Wealth (1889)
This is the flip side to “Do Not Covet”. Just as you should not allow the behavior of your friends to influence your spending decisions, so too be conscious of your influence on them. If you have money, don’t flaunt it. And if you don’t have money, don’t pretend that you do. It’s fine (even good) to buy quality products, but don’t be flashy. Live simply and well.

Practice Patience
“No matter how great the talent or the effort, some things just take time: you can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.” — Warren Buffett, Berkshire Hathaway Annual Report (1985)
Too many men want to “get rich quick.” They’re on the lookout for fast money. They also want to lose weight now, to be a great golfer now, to be in management now. This obsession with “now” is a problem. In his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell writes that the difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is 10,000 hours. That is, those who achieve mastery have patiently practiced their craft for at least 10,000 hours — the equivalent of five years of full-time work. When people ask me why my personal finance blog is so successful, one of my responses is that I’ve worked at it 60+ hours a week for the past three years. Practice may not “make perfect,” but it certainly breeds success.

Give Generously
“Thrift does not end with itself, but extends its benefits to others. It founds hospitals, endows charities, establishes colleges, and extends educational influences.” — Samuel Smiles, Thrift (1875)
I was not raised in a culture of giving. It’s only something I’m beginning to learn in middle age. But as I read about the choices of men who have come before me, it’s clear that they have derived satisfaction (and done a lot of good) by giving generously — not just of money, but also of time and knowledge. Do not hoard the things you have. Share them so that others might profit, too.

Learning from the Average Joe
Over the past few months, I’ve enjoyed reading the real-life stories of how great men became great. But I’ve also found it enlightening to read about the experiences of the average day guy — the fellows like you and me.

One book I strongly recommend (especially considering the state of the economy) is Hard Times by Studs Terkel. Hard Times is an oral history of the Great Depression. Terkel interviewed scores of men and women about their experiences during the 1930s. Their stories are amazing, and they offer great insight about how we can live better lives today.

Go forth, my friends, and do great things.

At Get Rich Slowly, J.D. generally writes about things like how to choose a credit card and how to find the best savings account. From time-to-time, he also shares motivational articles on topics like how to build confidence and how to beat procrastination.

It Takes Backbone To Live The Life You Want

Great commentary over at Big Hollywood and the new movie “Revolutionary Road” which examines the struggle to pursue our dreams versus living a life that society deems appropriate.

An excerpt:

“It’s about the common 20-something realization that “being special” isn’t bestowed upon one at birth, it’s something only we can make for ourselves. It’s about the excuses we find to believe that the trappings of success are not only an acceptable substitute but also a responsible and wise alternative for life choices that most of the world labels “immature” and “careless.” It’s about acting as if we regret not “taking chances” when in fact we are utterly relieved. It’s about being honest with oneself that there are tremendous opportunities in life, and how few of those called to do something out of the ordinary actually answer that voice. And it’s about the pain some feel when they understand just what they’ve passed up.”

Check it out here: Big Hollywood

Advice From The Dalai Lama

It’s been making the rounds, so I figured, why not here for those who haven’t seen this list before. Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rules: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

JK Rowling - A Year In A Life

I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books but my kids have seen some of the movies. I’m not into it but I admire the woman’s life story. I ran across this little clip which I thought was pretty cool… especially given her life circumstances and how far she’s come. Imagine going back to a place in time when your just starting out and struggling to make ends meet.

In this small clip, JK Rowling goes back and visits the tenement flat where she wrote the first Harry Potter book.

Update: The original video has been pulled from youtube, so we’ve updated this post with a new video of her commencement speech at Harvard, June 5, 2008. (2 Parts)

Food For Thought…

Richard Hooker worked for seven years on his humorous war novel, M*A*S*H, only to have it rejected by 21 publishers before Morrow decided to publish it. It became a runaway bestseller, spawning a blockbusting movie and highly successful television series.

Charles Darwin, father of the theory of evolution, gave up a medical career and was told by his father, “You care for nothing but shooting, dogs, and rat catching.” In his autobiography, Darwin wrote, “I was considered by my father, a very ordinary boy, rather below the common standard in intellect.

When NFL running back Herschel Walker was in junior high school, he wanted to play football, but the coach told him he was too small. He advised young Herschel to go out for track instead. Never one to give up, he ignored the coach’s advice and began an intensive training program to build himself up. Only a few years later, Herschel Walker won the Heisman trophy.

Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he finally succeeded.

Beethoven handled the violin awkwardly and preferred playing his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him hopeless as a composer.

Colonel Sanders had the construction of a new road put him out of business in 1967. He went to over 1,000 places trying to sell his chicken recipe before he found a buyer interested in his 11 herbs and spices. Seven years later, at the age of 75, Colonel Sanders sold his fried chicken company for a finger-lickin’ $15 million!

Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of ideas. Disney also went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland.

Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn’t read until he was seven. His teacher described him as “mentally slow, unsociable and adrift forever in his foolish dreams.” He was expelled and refused admittance to Zurich Polytechnic School. The University of Bern turned down his Ph.D. dissertation as being irrelevant and fanciful.

The movie Star Wars was rejected by every movie studio in Hollywood before 20th-Century Fox finally produced it. It went on to be one of the largest grossing movies in film history.

Louis Pasteur was only a mediocre pupil in undergraduate studies and ranked 15 out of 22 in chemistry.

When General Douglas MacArthur applied for admission to West Point, he was turned down, not once but twice. But he tried a third time, was accepted and marched into the history books.

After Fred Astaire’s first screen test, the memo from the testing director of MGM, dated 1933, said, “Can’t act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!” Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills home.

The father of the sculptor Rodin [The Thinker Statue] said, “I have an idiot for a son.” Described as the worst pupil in the school, Rodin failed three times to secure admittance to the school of art. His uncle called him uneducable.

Babe Ruth, considered by sports historians to be the greatest athlete of all time and famous for setting the home run record, also holds the record for strikeouts.

Eighteen publishers turned down Richard Bach’s Jonathan Livingston Seagull, before Macmillan finally published it in 1970. By 1975 it had sold more than seven million copies in the U.S. alone.

Margaret Mitchell’s classic Gone with the Wind was turned down by more than twenty-five publishers.

When the first Chicken Soup for the Soul book was completed, it was turned down by thirty-three publishers in New York and another ninety at the American Booksellers Association convention in Anaheim, California, before Health Communications, Inc., finally agreed to publish it. The major New York publishers said, “It is too nicey-nice” and “Nobody wants to read a book of short little stories.” Since that time more than 8 million copies of the original Chicken Soup for the Soul book have been sold. The series, which has grown to thirty-two titles, in thirty-one languages, has sold more than 53 million copies.

In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired Elvis Presley after one performance. He told Presley, “You ain’t goin’ nowhere… son. You ought to go back to drivin’ a truck.” Elvis Presley went on to become the most popular singer in America.

Dr. Seuss’ first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street, was rejected by twenty-seven publishers. The twenty-eighth publisher, Vanguard press, sold six million copies of the book.

“Last Lecture” Professor Randy Pausch Has Died

Some of you may recall Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon University computer science professor whose final lecture inspired millions. News came out today that he has died of pancreatic cancer.

In May, Dr. Pausch spoke at the Carnegie Mellon University commencement. He said a friend recently told him he was “beating the [Grim] Reaper” because it’s now been nine months since his doctor told him he would die in six.

“But we don’t beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well,” said Dr. Pausch, who urged the graduates to find and pursue their passion. He put an exclamation point at the end of his remarks by kissing his wife, Jai, and carrying her off stage.

Below is the video link to the “Last Lecture” we posted back in Mar 2008.

http://myselfdevelopment.net/index.php/2008/03/14/the-last-lecture/

Louise Hay - You Can Heal Your Life: The Movie

This entertaining and inspirational movie based on the best-selling book of the same name is hosted by author and teacher Louise L. Hay. This film gives penetrating insights into Louise’s fascinating personal story; and shows how her views on self-esteem, abundance, and the metaphysical causes behind physical ailments were developed. It also reveals how she applied these concepts to her own emotional, spiritual, and professional life.

A number of luminaries in the fields of self-help, philosophy, health, spirituality, and New Thought join Louise, giving their take on success, happiness, and the myriad ways in which people can heal their own lives. And there are also gripping firsthand accounts from others who have been positively affected by Louise’s work.

[youtube qYCamVx4fSQ]

The Fringe Benefits Of Failure

J.K. Rowling, author of the best-selling Harry Potter book series, delivered her Commencement Address, “The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination,” at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association. Below are notable excerpts and a link to the original video.

“I am not dull enough to suppose that because you are young, gifted and well-educated, you have never known hardship or heartbreak. Talent and intelligence never yet inoculated anyone against the caprice of the Fates, and I do not for a moment suppose that everyone here has enjoyed an existence of unruffled privilege and contentment.

However, the fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure. You might be driven by a fear of failure quite as much as a desire for success. Indeed, your conception of failure might not be too far from the average person’s idea of success, so high have you already flown academically.

Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

You might never fail on the scale I did, but some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

Given a time machine or a Time Turner, I would tell my 21-year-old self that personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life, though you will meet many people of my age and older who confuse the two. Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.”

“… One of the many things I learned at the end of that Classics corridor down which I ventured at the age of 18, in search of something I could not then define, was this, written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.

That is an astonishing statement and yet proven a thousand times every day of our lives. It expresses, in part, our inescapable connection with the outside world, the fact that we touch other people’s lives simply by existing.

But how much more are you, Harvard graduates of 2008, likely to touch other people’s lives? Your intelligence, your capacity for hard work, the education you have earned and received, give you unique status, and unique responsibilities. Even your nationality sets you apart. The great majority of you belong to the world’s only remaining superpower. The way you vote, the way you live, the way you protest, the pressure you bring to bear on your government, has an impact way beyond your borders. That is your privilege, and your burden.

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.”

“So today, I can wish you nothing better than similar friendships. And tomorrow, I hope that even if you remember not a single word of mine, you remember those of Seneca, another of those old Romans I met when I fled down the Classics corridor, in retreat from career ladders, in search of ancient wisdom:

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
I wish you all very good lives.

Thank you very much.”

-JK Rowling
http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html

The Foxhole Manifesto

Interesting video. I think it’s a genuine attempt to see religion in the many ways people in our society view God. This is one man’s attempt to reconcile these different points of view.

Is There A Time In Your Life When You Finally Get It?…

…. when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that its time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy-tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

Your learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more loveable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.

And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.” You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you decide you won’t settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch… and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve..and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes “bad” things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

Thin Places

Not being a very religious man myself, I stumbled across this article that tells a story of how we sometimes unsuspectingly come to connect to that part of the veil in life that cannot really be described… only felt. A really good read I thought I’d pass along….

It is an ancient belief in Ireland that wells and caves are sacred places. Known in Celtic spirituality as “thin places” between the mortal world above, these holes in the earth provide the channels by which fairies, leprechauns and even demons can come out to be among us. They are also the places where mortals like ourselves are most likely to travel to the other world, deep into mother earth. The stories of heroes from Hercules in Greek myth to the Norse hero Balewolf, each travel to the underworld to rescue a woman, the feminine energy necessary to life on earth, through these thin places.

In every spiritual tradition there is an understanding of these thin places of the soul where we can have access to the divine. In the Hebrew bible, almost every spiritual encounter with a man and a woman happens at a well. Jacob finds Rebecca; Jesus converts the Samaritan woman at the well, near the access to the divine. Even our own tradition recognizes thin places. Henry David Thoreau during his sojourn at Walden Pond wrote of this magical pond that “earth’s eye looked into the beholder measuring the depth of its own nature.” I know that some of you have experienced the Divine in this way. The tender beauty of a misty morning in the forest, the splendor of a rosy dawn stretching her fingers towards the day, the awe of bright green pine trees against a stark blue sky.

But not all these thin places are actual places. “A thin place is anywhere our hearts are opened,” writes Marcus Borg. “They are places where the boundary between the two levels becomes very soft, porous, permeable. Thin places are places where the veil momentarily lifts and we behold (the “ahaah of The Divine”)….all around us and in us”. (Borg’s The Heart of Christianity, 2003)

Thin places are those moments of clarity beset by the deepest emotions we can feel. In our class on esoteric Christianity we have been exploring some of these thin places. From the earliest days of the movement there were those who claimed that there was no need for priests or intermediaries to experience the Divine because the Divine was all around us. Such a transparency is at the heart of every religious tradition; the Buddha taught that the heart of his teaching rested in each of us like a Lotus waiting to bloom, Jesus proclaimed that the kingdom of God was all around us yet we do not see, the Sufi mystics of Islam taught that we are in fact God already, the great Jewish prophet Isaiah called this infusive spirit a coal of God upon our lips. Thomas Merton, the great Trappist Monk wrote:

“Life is this simple. We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent, and God is shinning through us all the time. This is not just a fable or a nice story. It is true. If we abandon ourselves to God, forget ourselves, we see it… But, of course, for most of us, myself included, it is hard to see these thin places, much less travel through them. How can we set aside the worries of our lives, the very real concerns of money, relationships, stresses and strains and “be” one with the Divine. Fine we might say for a monk sitting alone without a care in the world but hardly possible for the rest of us ‘dirt dwellers’. I believe that in order to sense and travel through these thin places towards what we may not know, we must see our world in a different ways. Its not that our world changes but we change how we see our world.

This process of transformation begins with our imagination. I am reminded here of the words of Einstein I used last week “Imagination is more powerful than knowledge.” What did he mean by that? What he meant was that knowledge follows where our imagination begins. And we will see those thin places when we let our imagination take us where we will let it. Remember, the spiritual journey is not rocket science, we aren’t here to prove anything, just to help see the Holy and be transformed in the practice.

Imagination changes the way we look at our world. Remember the last time you had a tragedy in your life. I can remember losing my last business. Despite 16-hour days and selling door to door, the bills coupled with my divorce and a pretty bad drinking problem left me completely lost. For months I watched, it seemed helplessly at the time, as my business, like my life, was slipping into bankruptcy. We I finally did file and put my assets up for auction I remembered thinking “this is it..the end.” I couldn’t see how this would lead anywhere.

Had I used my imagination I could have started to see, much sooner, how such a moment was a thin place. As it was, I was helped along the way. A good friend of mine, a truck driver by nature and a recovering alcoholic by history, scooped my sorry soul up and took me on a truck driving road trip. We saw the expanse of the prairie, ate terribly bad food, laughed (he even let me drive the rig for a bit) and as the miles melted away I put my life into perspective. It was a moment of thin place, a moment of grace. Coincidences that led me on to other opportunities; my time in a American Baptist Church that first turned me towards ministry, meeting someone there who knew someone on the East Coast who hired me sight unseen, who then knew someone else who connected me with Francis, who, as her own deeply spiritual self, opened up in me a call to this vocation of ministry. Looking back on it now, it all began with that thin place of my failure and a guide to set me on my way.

The journey through the thin places of our lives begins when we let our imaginations explain the so-called coincidences of our lives. While I can’t tell you what the mystery of the universe is, I do know that each and everyone of you is a part of something much greater than our day to day lives suggest. Remember that tragedy. What happened next? How did your live change because of it? The Chinese ideogram for tragedy is crisis and opportunity. More often than not those tragic moments are thin places to the Divine. Pay attention to them. I hold that there are no coincidences, just openings to your destiny. This is not to say you don’t have a choice here. But realize that you are presented choices for a reason. The question is: will it be your fear of what might happen that holds you back or your imagination that a thin place is before you that guides you forward? “Two roads diverged in yellow wood” writes the often quoted Robert Frost “and I, I took the one less traveled by and that made all the difference.

Like any journey we are, I believe, constantly traveling through these thin places. They are not always easy to see. We have to balance out our sense of reason (the cost/benefit analysis of the soul) with the inclination of our hearts. You need both, along with a healthy imagination, to realize that everything, yes, everything, happens to us for a reason. It is up to us to imagine the reasons and then have the courage to travel through those thin places to a new place.

Thomas Khun, a German philosopher, referred to these new ways of looking at the world as “paradigm shifts”. There have been many such shifts in the history of humanity; from seeing ourselves at the mercy of capricious gods to understanding the forces of nature, from seeing the body as place of spirits and humors to a living, working organism, from telling our stories through art and spoken words to the left brained dominance of the written word, from magic to science to something new. I believe we are in the midst of another such shift in our very worldview now. Long dominated by the faculty of reason, we are beginning to sense that there is another kind of knowledge available to us, which may someday even compliment our reasonable abilities and I call this “spiritual reality”. I, and certainly many others, are sensing that we have an emerging talent to see the world differently; not with ourselves so much subject to the winds of fate, but learning some deeply embedded lesson with the fate that can actually guide us if we see it as something other than what is happening to us. This is a paradigm shift of potentially tremendous proportions, one in which we see our lives as embedded with lessons and opportunities for growth and not lives that must be simply survived.

The mystics of old suggest that there may even be a larger purpose to our collective existence beyond what we see now. They suggest that we are actually in the process of remembering in these coming generations what we already know in our souls. Some calls this remembering the God within. Some say these thin places are only the way home.

Recently one of my colleagues reminded me that we can only approach this possibility if we are able to engage our sense of awe (remember this is one of the prerequisites to be an enchanted agnostic) and humility that we might actually learn something new when we let our imaginations take over.

Perhaps we are, after all, only remembering who we already are. I close with the story of the little girl who, upon the arrival of her baby brother, insisted that she spend some time alone with him. Her parent agreed but listened in on the baby monitor as she closed the door and walked over to his bed. After a minute of silence, she asked quite firmly: “Tell me about God, I have almost forgotten.” Perhaps ours will be such a journey of remembering as well, through the thin places of the spirit. Amen.

By Rev. John Morehouse, Feb. 1, 2004

16 Motivating Rules To Live By

Bob Parsons… the guy who started godaddy.com wrote what I think is pretty solid advice… worth a read.

1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone.
I believe that not much happens of any significance when we’re in our comfort zone. I hear people say, “But I’m concerned about security.” My response to that is simple: “Security is for cadavers.”

2. Never give up.
Almost nothing works the first time it’s attempted. Just because what you’re doing does not seem to be working, doesn’t mean it won’t work. It just means that it might not work the way you’re doing it. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn’t have an opportunity.

3. When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think.
There’s an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true. It goes like this: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.”

4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be.
Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of “undefined consequences.” My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, “Well, Robert, if it doesn’t work, they can’t eat you.”

5. Focus on what you want to have happen.
Remember that old saying, “As you think, so shall you be.”

6. Take things a day at a time.
No matter how difficult your situation is, you can get through it if you don’t look too far into the future, and focus on the present moment. You can get through anything one day at a time.

7. Always be moving forward.
Never stop investing. Never stop improving. Never stop doing something new. The moment you stop improving your organization, it starts to die. Make it your goal to be better each and every day, in some small way. Remember the Japanese concept of Kaizen. Small daily improvements eventually result in huge advantages.

8. Be quick to decide.
Remember what General George S. Patton said: “A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow.”

9. Measure everything of significance.
I swear this is true. Anything that is measured and watched, improves.

10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate.
If you want to uncover problems you don’t know about, take a few moments and look closely at the areas you haven’t examined for a while. I guarantee you problems will be there.

11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you’re doing.
When you look at your competitors, remember that everything looks perfect at a distance. Even the planet Earth, if you get far enough into space, looks like a peaceful place.

12. Never let anybody push you around.
In our society, with our laws and even playing field, you have just as much right to what you’re doing as anyone else, provided that what you’re doing is legal.

13. Never expect life to be fair.
Life isn’t fair. You make your own breaks. You’ll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you, is something that you pay when you get on a bus (i.e., fare).

14. Solve your own problems.
You’ll find that by coming up with your own solutions, you’ll develop a competitive edge. Masura Ibuka, the co-founder of SONY, said it best: “You never succeed in technology, business, or anything by following the others.” There’s also an old Asian saying that I remind myself of frequently. It goes like this: “A wise man keeps his own counsel.”

15. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Lighten up. Often, at least half of what we accomplish is due to luck. None of us are in control as much as we like to think we are.

16. There’s always a reason to smile.
Find it. After all, you’re really lucky just to be alive. Life is short. More and more, I agree with my little brother. He always reminds me: “We’re not here for a long time, we’re here for a good time!”

Trust Yourself To Live The Life You Want

TRUST yourself.

When you don’t fully trust yourself, feelings of depression wash over you, you start losing hope in yourself and worry, fear and anxiety begin making a permanent home in your mind. The absence of trust, more than any other virtue, has doomed many good men and women to failure.

TRUST the Moment

Your past is nothing but a memory and your future has not yet arrived. If you live your life, fully present, in the here and now, one moment at a time, you will literally become healthy, wealthy and wise.

TRUST your dreams

Dare to dream big and allow the critics in your life to live quietly with their little dreams of lack and limitation. Do not argue with people who tell you that it is not possible for you to achieve the dreams you desire. The moment you argue with people about the soundness of your dreams, you have been defeated.

TRUST your Will

Trust your free will, your power to choose. Use it to create a heaven on earth for yourself. Use your will to inspire others less fortunate than yourself. Trust your will to see you through the tough times and when you do, you will experience the strength of God’s will there too.

Trust Your Thoughts

TRUST your best thoughts, your highest thoughts, the thoughts that inspire you the most.

It is your thoughts and actions, alone, that have created the circumstances you have in your life today. If you do not like your current set of circumstances, do not mourn over them endlessly and do not blame yourself or others for what you have today. What you have today is a result of your thoughts and actions of yesterday. What you will have tomorrow will be a result of your thoughts and actions of today.

TRUST only in those thoughts that empower you and leave the rest alone.

Choose to think about and act only on those thoughts that strengthen rather than weaken you. Choose to think about thoughts that make you feel good about yourself always and in all ways. Choose thoughts and actions that lift you up and inspire you. Choose thoughts and actions that propel you towards your dreams. Choose your friends carefully. A friend who shares your vision of living a happy, content and prosperous life will do more to help you make your dreams comes true than a thousand friends who do not.

TRUST that you Have a BOLD, DARING AND COURAGEOUS Side

Trust that, beginning right now, you can create a “too good to be true” life for yourself rather than living a life that, sadly, for many people is “too bad to be true”.

Copyrighted 2006 Frederick Zappone

The Last Lecture

Randy Pausch, a virtual reality pioneer, human-computer interaction researcher, and cancer patient, reprises his inspirational “Last Lecture” on the Oprah Show (Oct 22, 2007). This short video is chock full of wonderful advice on how to live a grateful life… for example, “Bricks walls are not there to keep us out, but rather allow us to learn just how bad we want something.”

Realizing Our Dreams

Mark Jones and Dr. Patricia Collette have written an e-book that assist individuals in achieving greater success and fulfillment in their lives. One chapter in particular addresses the idea that it’s because of our beliefs that we are causing or allowing our unique experiences in life. A pretty good read….

Most of us have learned to look outside of ourselves for the cause of the experiences that we don’t like. So it may seem difficult at first to entertain the idea that it’s because of our beliefs that we are causing or allowing our unique experiences in life. However, by finding and changing some of the limiting beliefs that are causing us to create or allow undesired experiences, we can gain assurance.

Fortunately, life gives us ample feedback from several sources. The primary source is what we actually experience. Experience functions as a mirror. We not only create or allow what we experience through our beliefs, but we also view experience through their lenses. On hearing a compliment about something he has done, a person with confident beliefs about himself is likely to accept this as a sincere acknowledgment. Someone who lacks confident beliefs might see or interpret it as an insincere “buttering up” to get or gain something, or an outright lie.

We also get continual feedback from our bodies and emotions. When we live our lives with negative or limiting beliefs, we get feedback from our body in the form of pains, aches, illnesses, lack of energy, etc.; and from our emotions; undesired feelings such as anxiety, depression, apathy, anger, grief, etc. These can provide some of the valuable clues we need to find our limiting beliefs. (Refer to appendices H, I, and K for more specifics on how these relate to our limiting beliefs.) As we identify some of them, our next step is to change them to positive ones in our subconscious minds.

For example, upper back problems are often symptoms of feeling a lack of support or love. Limiting beliefs might be that “I am unlovable,” “I don’t deserve love,” or “Loving is dangerous,” etc. Then, by entering the subconscious and changing these to “I am lovable,” “I deserve love,” and “loving is safe,” the cause and symptoms may be relieved. Of course physical difficulties may have advanced to a stage where recovery will take time, and the relief may not become apparent at once. The difficulty may also be at a stage where medical treatment is needed, and if so, such treatment should be sought. As an analogy, our house may be burning as a consequence of having limited beliefs that caused the probability of some form of destruction to become high; but at this point, our most urgent action to save it would be to call the fire department.

An anxiety problem is often a symptom of fear, and limiting beliefs which could be causing it are “I am powerless,” “I can’t trust myself,” or “I am helpless.” etc. By changing these in the subconscious to “I am powerful,” “I can trust myself” and “I am self reliant,” the fear and anxiety should be alleviated. It’s quite likely that other limiting beliefs making up the set causing anxiety will also need to be found and changed, for there may be several contributing factors.

In doing the focused observation and detective work to spot our limiting beliefs, we must bypass the tendency so many people have to place the responsibility elsewhere, i.e. to blame others, fate, or outside circumstances as the cause of our undesired experiences. Obviously, others do play a part in our experiences, but our vibrations attract certain people and through resonance, activate particular qualities in them, as well as creating environmental circumstances. Thus we set up the probability of having the unique experiences we have, and through our vibrations, of attracting others to play roles.

RECOGNIZING LIMITING BELIEFS ABOUT CHANGING

Unfortunately, we are likely to have some beliefs that limit the changes we allow ourselves to make. Change brings about different conditions in our lives, and we may have doubts about whether a change will really make us happier. We may be concerned that as we change we will affect the people close to us in different ways, and they may have trouble accepting the changes in us. We may be apprehensive that changing might lead to disaster, or that if we change we will fail. For some people, change seems to threaten their very existence; perhaps by threatening to expose their excuses or the unhealthy or dysfunctional roles they have adopted as a way of handling life, or to keep from getting hurt.

Some typical excuses and concerns are:

a. I have to control everything in my life, (by intimidation or by being weak.)

b. If I change I might be lonely, and I don’t want to risk it.

c. It might involve becoming more intimate and having to expose my shallowness, vulnerability, etc.

d. Change might expose my shame for what I have done or for just being who and what I am.

e. I might have to stop being self-obsessed.

f. I might have to give up self-pity and stop being a martyr.

g. I don’t or won’t deserve anything better.

Obviously, in order to change, you need to find and change your limiting beliefs regarding making changes. You may find in reading this that some of these forms of resistance apply to you. If so, make a note of them so that when you come to the chapter on how to find and change limiting beliefs, you can make these the first ones to change. Otherwise, they will stand in the way of you making the other changes that you want to make.

DEVELOPING A NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT EXPERIENCES

To find our limiting beliefs, we need to adopt a new way of looking at our experiences. Sometimes, to make the search less personal, it may help to get a stuffed doll or animal and use it as a substitute for yourself, a representation to whom to ask questions. Keep in mind that those limiting beliefs from which we create vibrations and unwelcomed experiences are in our subconscious. These are not necessarily logical and sometimes not even ones we can consciously imagine having. So we have to be open and imaginative in looking for them. Also, since beliefs are stored in sets or systems, there may be several linked beliefs which contribute to the particular vibrations leading to undesired experiences. It’s important to find and change as many in the set or system as possible, so even if some beliefs seem similar, make note of each one that comes to mind.

IDENTIFY THE AREAS OF UNDESIRED EXPERIENCES & LIMITING BELIEFS

To find one’s limiting beliefs, first identify the areas in which you have had some patterns of undesired experiences that you’d like to change. These are likely to have common characteristics. Here are some examples to which you might add some of your own:

Feeling anxious or fearful in certain life situations.

Feeling upset with people in particular relationships or circumstances.

Feeling let down or betrayed by others.

Experiencing a lack of success or recognition for your efforts in certain areas of your life.

Feeling purposeless or lacking motivation.

Encountering financial difficulties.

Having problems in relationships for which you may blame your mate or others.

Experiencing a lack of creativity or its expression.

Encountering learning difficulties.

Resisting change or feeling threatened by it.

Being unable to be as successful as one desires.

Experiencing ill health.

Once an area has been identified, then pose questions to yourself or your substitute such as, “What would someone (or the name of the stuffed animal) have to believe, particularly about himself, to be creating or allowing this type of undesired experience?”

“What inner conflicts might someone have that would cause that person to create this type of undesired experience?”

Always look for the most basic beliefs possible. These may lie at a deeper level than those which come to mind at first. For example, a person who has a belief that he is not able or competent in an area, or isn’t succeeding, might have beliefs of the type “I have no choice but to work in this area or field,” “I can’t trust myself,” “I’m stupid,” “I never do anything right,” “I’m irresponsible,” “I’m powerless,” “Whatever I do it will turn out to be wrong,” “I’m bad or evil,” “I’m a failure,” “No matter how hard I try, it never works out,” “Nothing comes easy,” “I have to ‘knock myself out’ to get anything done,” “I’m a misfit,” “I’m bad,” “I deserve punishment,” “I always gum things up.”

USING BLAME AS A LEAD FOR FINDING LIMITING BELIEFS

What a person blames another for provides useful clues regarding his limiting beliefs. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu stated in about 600 B.C:

Having what is called insight.
A good man, before he can help a bad man,
Finds in himself the matter with the bad man,
And whichever teacher
Discounts the lesson
Is as far off the road as the other,
Whatever else he may know.

Blaming is almost invariably a projection of a person’s limiting beliefs, particularly ones about himself, on to others or external factors. You can start by asking yourself, or the person whom you are assisting, “Regarding this experience, what am I blaming others for?” Then take the answers to this question and ask, “What aspect of what I am blaming others for may lie in me?” “In what ways might I be doing this to others or to myself?” “What would my underlying beliefs be, particularly about myself for me to do this?”

An example of applying this might come up when working with a wife who is having trouble in her relationship with her husband. She complains that he never listens to her. She could be asked; “What would someone have to believe about themselves for someone to not listen to them?” Then, write down any limiting beliefs that she comes up with. If some form of prompting seems needed, ask questions such as: “Might she believe that she is shallow, or boring, or has nothing interesting to say, is just an idle gossip, that she should be seen but not heard, etc.” Always come back to identifying what her basic beliefs might be, particularly ones she has about herself.

What a husband or wife blames the other for is almost always a reflection of the blamer’s limiting beliefs. So returning to our example of the wife, ask other questions to help her find additional limiting beliefs such as: “Who or what are you not listening to?” “To what inner signals from your emotions or body are you not listening?” “What intuitional messages are you disregarding?” “What aspirations are you ignoring?”

IDENTIFYING THE LACK OF PURPOSE AND ASPIRATIONS

An underlying and common element in individuals who are creating undesired experiences is a lack of purpose or excitement in life. We could say that these individuals are not in communication with their inner or higher selves i.e. that aspect of their being that operates at a non-physical, vibratory level. It directly effects the experiences in their daily lives. From that level aspirations evolve from the dimensions of thought and feeling into physical reality. If aspirations are not recognized, expressed and acted upon, a person is not likely to feel ‘centered’ and in harmony within himself. Instead, he will create negative or amorphous vibrations. When these vibrations exist, they are likely to produce experiences that the person doesn’t want. Not having one’s aspirations defined can be explored by asking questions such as, “What beliefs would someone be likely to have to not recognize his aspirations? These might be aspirations to be a person with certain abilities, or qualities such as good character, positive principles, integrity, trust, creativity in various areas, generosity, imagination, enthusiasm for life and involvement in life, commitment, love, empathy, depth of feeling, gratitude, forgiveness, etc. What beliefs might he have that would inhibit him from aspiring to and developing these qualities as fully as he might like to?”

“These might be aspirations to do certain things, like changing conditions, writing, teaching, selling, managing, directing, engaging in sports, etc. What beliefs might he have that would inhibit him from aspiring to and doing these things?”

“These might be aspirations to have certain things like facilities, equipment, housing, etc. What beliefs might he have that would inhibit him from aspiring to have and getting these things?”

One could also ask, “What have you dreamed or imagined being, doing or having that you rejected, or for which you allowed other’s attitudes to discourage you?” Identify what occurred and express the feelings you had. Then, ask, “What beliefs might someone have that would cause them to reject or not pursue their dreams?” If prompting seemed necessary, questions such as, “Might they believe they were unworthy or not deserving, that they were bad or evil, that they were of no importance, that their dreams are unreal, the future is dangerous, etc.”

It could also be helpful to ask what beliefs that he might have which would prevent him from being in communication with his inner or higher self?

PROCEDURE FOR FINDING LIMITING BELIEFS CAUSING ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND HEALTH PROBLEMS

If you or a person with whom you are working is experiencing anxieties or depression, for reasons other than specific medical problems, the underlying beliefs are often ones such as: I lack self confidence and/or self trust, self worth, a sense of identity, or I am powerless, I can’t express my anger, I’m not deserving, I’m untrustworthy, I’m bad, I’m evil, I have to be in control but I’m not, I can’t trust, or even such beliefs as that I wouldn’t exist if I didn’t achieve such and such, or I’m nothing. If you or the person you are guiding has difficulty finding the basic beliefs which might be causing anxiety and/or depression, beliefs of this type may lay at the root. If they do, get a statement of the positive belief and change the limiting beliefs to positive ones. See Appendix H, I and K for additional questions.

When you or the person with whom you are working has health problems, a very useful reference is the excellent book, by Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life. In it she helps to relate symptoms for various maladies to the possible limiting beliefs. For example, Louise suggests that a person with asthma might examine probable causes such as: “Smothering love; inability to breath for one’s self; feeling stifled or suppressed crying.” Questions which might assist an asthmatic in finding his limiting beliefs might begin with: “What are your beliefs about love?” “Is it safe to give or to receive love?”

“Are there dangers in loving?” “Do you deserve love?” “Do you feel trapped by love?” “Are you afraid of being smothered by or smothering another with love?”

Regarding the issue of “inability to breathe for one’s self,” you could ask, “What would someone have to believe to not be able to breathe for oneself, breathe in a wider context; a taking in and giving out of life. You might suggest: “Might the person believe that he is powerless?” “That he can’t sustain himself in life?” You can ask if the person believes that he is weak or ineffective; can’t trust or depend on himself; that he is vulnerable, that it’s dangerous to take in things, etc.

For the third possible cause suggested by Louise, “feeling stifled,” one could begin by asking, “What would a person have to believe to feel stifled?” You could explore issues such as self trust, lack of ability, or beliefs that what he has to offer isn’t good enough, or that he is unable, isn’t creative, that he creates bad effects, is bad or evil, is unworthy, or that expression is dangerous, or might lead to exposure or embarrassment, etc.

From the fourth possible cause which Louise lists for asthma, suppressed crying, you could ask, “What would a person have to believe, particularly about himself to suppress crying?” After getting all of the answers that are readily available on this question, you might prompt further exploration by asking, “Might he-have a belief that he is powerless, helpless, weak or a victim?” “Could the person believe that emotions or expressing them is dangerous?” “Might the person believe that he is bad, has done something bad or deserves to be punished.”

Again, in suggesting possible beliefs, it can be helpful to use a stuffed animal or doll surrogate with a common name such as Sam or Lisa. Some people may take probing questions as accusative or evaluative, and become defensive, so a question such as “What would Sam or Lisa have to believe to suppress crying,” might be less threatening for the client, or less introverting to oneself.

by Mark Jones and Dr. Patricia Collette

Next Page »