and finally….

JK Rowling - A Year In A Life

I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books but my kids have seen some of the movies. I’m not into it but I admire the woman’s life story. I ran across this little clip which I thought was pretty cool… especially given her life circumstances and how far she’s come. Imagine going back to a place in time when your just starting out and struggling to make ends meet.

In this small clip, JK Rowling goes back and visits the tenement flat where she wrote the first Harry Potter book.

Update: The original video has been pulled from youtube, so we’ve updated this post with a new video of her commencement speech at Harvard, June 5, 2008. (2 Parts)

How to Be Positive During Tough Times

Great article from US News and World Report. Here’s why it’s so important to stop complaining.

It’s too easy to complain right now. You’re paying through the nose for gas, you’ve put off retirement for another five years, your company just sacked 10 percent of your coworkers, and your workload has doubled. Even worse, your CEO made more money than the Chicago Cubs last year. It’s ridiculous! It’s outrageous! And you can’t get a day off to save your life.

Well, you’re probably the reason Jon Gordon, an author, speaker, and consultant, wrote The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work, because negativity is contagious. It spreads through organizations, hurting performance and productivity. Gordon recently sat down with U.S. News to talk about finding a better outlook on hard times. Excerpts:

Are you suggesting all complaining should be wiped out?

It’s the mindless complaining and the subtle negativity that really destroys organizations and teams.

Complaining is contagious, as we know. You get off the phone and you’re surrounded by people, maybe in a cubicle, and you start complaining to that person next to you, and that person starts complaining to the person next to them. One person can really affect an organization with their negative attitude.

What really separates complaining from other conversation?

There are two kinds of complaints. There’s a chronic, mindless complaining which is just venting and complaining, where you just feel helpless, you feel powerless. No. 2 is because it’s becoming a habit. You’re just so used to doing it.

On the other hand, a justified complaint says: Here’s what I don’t like, here’s what I don’t want, here’s what’s wrong. But here’s what I think we should do about it. It’s all about intent. If you care about the organization and you want something better for everyone, then it’s a positive complaint. If it’s all about your own ego, then you’re not interested in serving the team.

How can almost-retirees stay positive, when they have to stay at work or go back to work because they aren’t financially able to retire?

It’s “get to” versus “have to.” You get to go to work. You get to have a job, versus “have to.” So many people your age are sick. Many people have not even made it to your age. My mom passed away at 59 a year and a half ago. She was young. She was a real estate agent, and she got cancer. When I speak to people in real estate, I’ll say, ‘I know you’re facing a tough market right now, but you get to have this job, you get to live this life. My mom wishes she was in your shoes.’ And that really resonates with them.

You get to drive in traffic. Many people don’t even get to drive a car.

No. 2: They can go to work every day and say, ‘What bigger purpose can I fuel up with today?’ The research is clear—people are the most energized when using their strengths for a bigger purpose, beyond themselves. Older people have a lot of gifts to give in the workplace—a lot of wisdom and a lot of advice. Mentor, teach, share, and serve.

How do you face challenges?

When you’re facing that obstacle, look for the lesson; look for the opportunity in the challenge. Look for the solution in the complaint. Look for the action that needs to take place. The next president of the United States will be someone who has a clear vision for the future and offers solutions, not complaints.

Stay positive. This is not Pollyanna. But you have to have a positive vision for the road ahead. Looking forward—no matter what age you are—and being optimistic is the key.

Gratitude seems to play a big part.

It’s everything. I think it really is everything. All the research on gratitude is so powerful: You see that you can’t be stressed and thankful at the same time. It’s the way our brains and bodies are wired. So you focus on gratitude and you won’t be stressed. It’s the best stress reducer.

Is gratitude in short supply?

No doubt. OK, you’re paying $4 a gallon for gas, and I’m as upset as anybody. But you can say: ‘We’re not paying $8 a gallon. And we live in a free country. We live with so many amenities. We live with so many free things that we can enjoy.’… Instead of focusing on that complaint, you can now be grateful for what you have. And which emotion’s going to uplift you? Gratitude. Which one’s going to enhance your longevity? Gratitude. Which one will strengthen your immune system? Gratitude.

It seems an unusual topic for the workplace.

It’s harder in the workplace, and it’s not as natural. A great example is Doug Conant, the CEO of Campbell Soup. He’s written 16,000 thank-you notes to his employees over the last seven years. The No. 1 reason that people leave their jobs is because they don’t feel appreciated. It’s not only being thankful for your job, but being thankful for the others that you work with.

How successful are some corporate programs aimed at increasing positivity?

It has to permeate the organization. It has to be part of your DNA, of who you are. It works if it’s sincere. It works if it’s real, and if people know you really care about them. I can walk into a restaurant and tell if it’s a fake smile or it’s real. You can walk into a company and tell whether it’s real or not.

You say that negativity fills voids. What voids should companies look out for?

If employees don’t feel seen or heard, or they don’t hear and see, they don’t know what’s going on and they don’t feel communicated with, we will assume the worst. And the great example of that is cancer. Cancer sits alone in the body. It starts acting alone. It’s the same way with a company. If you think you are alone, you’ll act alone. But if you feel like you’re part of the body, part of the whole, then you’ll support the whole.

Copyrighted, U.S.News & World Report, L.P. All rights reserved.

“Last Lecture” Professor Randy Pausch Has Died

Some of you may recall Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon University computer science professor whose final lecture inspired millions. News came out today that he has died of pancreatic cancer.

In May, Dr. Pausch spoke at the Carnegie Mellon University commencement. He said a friend recently told him he was “beating the [Grim] Reaper” because it’s now been nine months since his doctor told him he would die in six.

“But we don’t beat the Reaper by living longer. We beat the Reaper by living well,” said Dr. Pausch, who urged the graduates to find and pursue their passion. He put an exclamation point at the end of his remarks by kissing his wife, Jai, and carrying her off stage.

Below is the video link to the “Last Lecture” we posted back in Mar 2008.

http://myselfdevelopment.net/index.php/2008/03/14/the-last-lecture/

Is There A Time In Your Life When You Finally Get It?…

…. when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that its time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy-tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

Your learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more loveable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.

And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.” You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you decide you won’t settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch… and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve..and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes “bad” things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

16 Motivating Rules To Live By

Bob Parsons… the guy who started godaddy.com wrote what I think is pretty solid advice… worth a read.

1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone.
I believe that not much happens of any significance when we’re in our comfort zone. I hear people say, “But I’m concerned about security.” My response to that is simple: “Security is for cadavers.”

2. Never give up.
Almost nothing works the first time it’s attempted. Just because what you’re doing does not seem to be working, doesn’t mean it won’t work. It just means that it might not work the way you’re doing it. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn’t have an opportunity.

3. When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think.
There’s an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true. It goes like this: “The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed.”

4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be.
Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of “undefined consequences.” My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, “Well, Robert, if it doesn’t work, they can’t eat you.”

5. Focus on what you want to have happen.
Remember that old saying, “As you think, so shall you be.”

6. Take things a day at a time.
No matter how difficult your situation is, you can get through it if you don’t look too far into the future, and focus on the present moment. You can get through anything one day at a time.

7. Always be moving forward.
Never stop investing. Never stop improving. Never stop doing something new. The moment you stop improving your organization, it starts to die. Make it your goal to be better each and every day, in some small way. Remember the Japanese concept of Kaizen. Small daily improvements eventually result in huge advantages.

8. Be quick to decide.
Remember what General George S. Patton said: “A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow.”

9. Measure everything of significance.
I swear this is true. Anything that is measured and watched, improves.

10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate.
If you want to uncover problems you don’t know about, take a few moments and look closely at the areas you haven’t examined for a while. I guarantee you problems will be there.

11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you’re doing.
When you look at your competitors, remember that everything looks perfect at a distance. Even the planet Earth, if you get far enough into space, looks like a peaceful place.

12. Never let anybody push you around.
In our society, with our laws and even playing field, you have just as much right to what you’re doing as anyone else, provided that what you’re doing is legal.

13. Never expect life to be fair.
Life isn’t fair. You make your own breaks. You’ll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you, is something that you pay when you get on a bus (i.e., fare).

14. Solve your own problems.
You’ll find that by coming up with your own solutions, you’ll develop a competitive edge. Masura Ibuka, the co-founder of SONY, said it best: “You never succeed in technology, business, or anything by following the others.” There’s also an old Asian saying that I remind myself of frequently. It goes like this: “A wise man keeps his own counsel.”

15. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
Lighten up. Often, at least half of what we accomplish is due to luck. None of us are in control as much as we like to think we are.

16. There’s always a reason to smile.
Find it. After all, you’re really lucky just to be alive. Life is short. More and more, I agree with my little brother. He always reminds me: “We’re not here for a long time, we’re here for a good time!”

Psychologists Know What Makes People Happy

The happiest people surround themselves with family and friends, don’t care about keeping up with the Joneses next door, lose themselves in daily activities and, most important, forgive easily.

The once-fuzzy picture of what makes people happy is coming into focus as psychologists no longer shun the study of happiness. In the mid-’90s, scientific journals published about 100 studies on sadness for every one study on happiness.

Now a burgeoning “positive psychology” movement that emphasizes people’s strengths and talents instead of their weaknesses is rapidly closing the gap, says University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman, author of the new book, Authentic Happiness. The work of Seligman and other experts in the field is in the early stages, but they are already starting to see why some people are happy while others are not: The happiest people spend the least time alone. They pursue personal growth and intimacy; they judge themselves by their own yardsticks, never against what others do or have.

“Materialism is toxic for happiness,” says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener. Even rich materialists aren’t as happy as those who care less about getting and spending.

Because the December holidays are friend- and family-oriented, they painfully reveal the intimacy missing in some lives, Diener says. Add in the commercial emphasis - keeping up with the Joneses and the Christmas enjoyed by the Joneses’ kids - “and it’s a setup for disappointment,” he says. And yet some people manage to look on the bright side, even if they lose their jobs in December. Others live in darkness all year for no apparent reason. A person’s cheer level is about half genetic, scientists say.

Everyone has a “set point” for happiness, just as they do for weight, Seligman says. People can improve or hinder their well-being, but they aren’t likely to take long leaps in either direction from their set point.

Even physical health, assumed by many to be key to happiness, only has an impact if people are very ill. Objective health measures don’t relate to life satisfaction, but subjective feelings do. Plenty of healthy people take their health for granted and are none the happier for it, Diener points out. Meanwhile, the sickly often bear up well, and hypochondriacs cling to misery despite their robust health.

Good feelings aren’t “all in the head,” though. Actions matter, just not in the way often believed.

Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying. “Flow” is the term Claremont Graduate University psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheeks-sent-mee-hi) coined to describe this phenomenon.

People in flow may be sewing up a storm, doing brain surgery, playing a musical instrument or working a hard puzzle with their child. The impact is the same: A life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction, Csikszentmihalyi says. And you don’t have to be a hotshot to get there.

“One of the happiest men I ever met was a 64-year-old Chicago welder with a fourth-grade education,” he says. The man took immense pride in his work, refusing a promotion to foreman that would have kept him from what he loved to do. He spent evenings looking at the rock garden he built, with sprinklers and floodlights set up to create rainbows.

Teenagers experience flow, too, and are the happiest if they consider many activities “both work and play,” Csikszentmihalyi says. Flow stretches someone but pleasurably so, not beyond his capacity. “People feel best when doing what they do best,” he says.

Everyone has “signature strengths,” Seligman adds, and the happiest use them. Doing so can lead to choices that astound others but yield lasting satisfaction.

Signature strengths

That’s what happened to Greg and Tierney Fairchild. He was a Ph.D. candidate at Columbia, and she’d already earned a Ph.D., when they learned that the child she was carrying had Down syndrome, along with a serious heart defect requiring surgery.

In the Fairchilds’ intellectual circle of friends, some viewed having a retarded child as unthinkable - and let them know it. Lots of people, including some family members, assumed they’d opt for abortion. After thoroughly exploring all the angles - medical, practical and emotional - they decided to keep their daughter, Naia.

“We’re pro-choice, so it’s not that we wouldn’t get an abortion under some circumstances, or think that others could make a different choice here,” Greg says.

They were leading with their strength. An interracial couple, they both had long histories of taking bold, less traveled paths rather than following the parade.

Greg was the first black on his high school track team at a Southern, mostly white school; he became student body president. Tierney was the only MBA student at her university also getting a Ph.D. in education because she wanted to train executives.

And they chose each other, despite all the stares of bigots they knew they’d face forever.

“We haven’t shied away from tough choices,” Greg says, “and we’ve been able to persevere through some difficulties other people might not have been able to.”

Tierney says, “We thought having Naia would be a challenge, but we really wanted her, and just because something’s a challenge, I’m not the type to turn away.”

Their struggles are depicted in the new book, Choosing Naia by Mitchell Zuckoff.

That was a few years ago. Now Naia is a 4-year-old people magnet with a great sense of humor, the first Down syndrome child to be “mainstreamed” at the preschool for University of Virginia staff. (Greg teaches in the business school.) She walked late, talked late and is potty-training late - just as her parents expected. “And so what?” Tierney asks. “She’s brought us a huge amount of joy because she’s such a happy child.”

Tierney, who is manager of executive education at United Technologies Corp., feared she’d have to quit work to care for Naia, but that wasn’t necessary. Tierney and Greg gave Naia a baby brother, Cole, 22 months ago. “We’re so grateful for these kids,” Greg says.

Gratitude helps

Gratitude has a lot to do with life satisfaction, psychologists say. Talking and writing about what they’re grateful for amplifies adults’ happiness, new studies show. Other researchers have found that learning to savor even small pleasures has the same effect. And forgiveness is the trait most strongly linked to happiness, says University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson.

“It’s the queen of all virtues, and probably the hardest to come by,” he adds.

‘More fun, less stuff’

There’s also evidence that altruistic acts boost happiness in the giver. That doesn’t surprise Betsy Taylor, president of the Center for a New American Dream, a Takoma Park, Md., non-profit that favors simple living and opposes commercialism. “The altruism part is worth keeping in mind over the holidays,” Taylor says. “Our mantra is ‘more fun, less stuff.’ Do for others, we say.”

Karen Madsen, 51, of Everett, Wash., is a believer. For several years, she’s organized local families to buy holiday gifts for needy foster children. Madsen sinks in about $1,000 herself, often trimming her own kids’ Christmas haul to do it. “You’d see these notes from foster kids, ‘I don’t really need anything, but my little sister needs a coat because she’s cold.’ ”

Her son, William Shepherd, a high school senior, doesn’t mind. “It’s a lot of fun to go shopping for their toys,” he says. “I have enough, and it feels good to make sure other people can enjoy the holidays, too.”

Many parents would be amazed that a kid could be happy to get less, but surprise is the name of the game with happiness. People aren’t very good at predicting what will make them happy, cutting-edge research shows.

Even Seligman, the happiness maven, tells how he wanted no more children - he already had two grown ones - and his current wife wanted four, “so we compromised at four,” he says. His book reveals he’s besotted with these kids and marvels at them daily. “I just didn’t know,” he says.

None of us knows, says Harvard University psychologist Daniel Gilbert. “There’s a reason why Euripides said, ‘It would not be better if men got what they wanted.’ ” People expect that events will have a larger and more enduring impact on them - for good or ill - than they really do, Gilbert’s studies find.

People tend to rationalize bad things, quickly adapting to new realities. They also visualize future events in isolation, but real life teems with many experiences that dilute the impact of any one. This means winning the lottery doesn’t make people’s lives stellar, but they recover from romantic breakups much quicker than expected.

“If you knew exactly what the future held, you still wouldn’t know how much you would like it when you got there,” Gilbert says. In pursuing happiness, he suggests “we should have more trust in our own resilience and less confidence in our predictions about how we’ll feel. We should be a bit more humble and a bit more brave.”

By Marilyn Elias - USA Today

6 Ways To Live A Life Without Regret

Who hasn’t thought about the day when they’re old and gray and looking back on life wondering if there isn’t anything they regret? I know I have and the questions I think the most about are about my family. Did I do the best I could raising my kids? Are they proud of me?

I often wonder, in hindsight of a life full lived, if there will be any regrets in the way I raised them. Did I do the best I could do as a husband? Was I as kind and loving as I could be? I’ve wondered what’s the best advice an old man would give his grandkids?

I’m sure thoughts of opportunities lost and gained will compete with memories of lessons learned and all those forks in the road.

The point in all of this introspection is ensuring I know the answers to those questions way before I get to that ripe old age. No sense in waiting till I’m 90 in lieu of some wisdom in the present. So having said that, here are some ideas that I believe will help live a life without any regrets.

1. Live with intention, and follow your bliss. Ralph Waldo Emerson put it best, “Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Stop drifting through life, waiting to make decisions, putting up with crap rather than doing something about it. Decide to make it your mission to be proactive in your life and live with deliberate and conscious purpose. Someone once said the first step in getting what you want is to decide what you want. Focus on this to the exclusion of everything else.
2. Live in gratitude. Focus on what there is to appreciate. Being thankful will move you quickly into a blissful state of existence and will attract into your life all sorts of opportunities for which to feel more grateful about.
3. Take responsibility. Unless I take ownership of my less than admirable characteristics, then I can never hope to grow beyond my weaknesses.
4. Focus on what you want to give. Yeah, yeah, I know… the old saying, “tis better to give than receive” is something your mom always told you, but believe it or not, there is something to it. Researchers have shown that the process of giving of yourself releases hormones in your brain that make you feel better and reduce stress. But, most importantly and beyond the obvious physical effects, by putting yourself out there, your drawing that same goodness back into your life.
5. Live in the moment. There is an old Eskimo proverb, “Yesterday is ashes; tomorrow wood. Only today does the fire burn brightly.” It means to remind yourself that worrying about the future or regretting the past isn’t going to change what has or is going to happen. Focus on a desire and breathe it in.
6. Introspection. I think Shashi Tharoor, author of Show Business - A Novel, said it best: … a life lived without introspection, without inquiry. That’s not a life worth living.

Article by Robert Hunt

50 Self-Help Classics

A great resource for anyone seeking a ‘bite-sized’ look at the philosophies of many self-help legends. Carefully selected works which have had, for decades, a profound impact on those who read them and then applied the principles.

1. James Allen As a Man Thinketh (1904)
2. S Andreas & C Faulkner (eds) NLP: The New Technology of Achievement (1996)
3. Marcus Aurelius Meditations (2ndC)
4. Martha Beck Finding Your Own North Star (2001)
5. The Bhagavad-Gita
6. The Bible
7. Robert Bly Iron John (1990)
8. Boethius The Consolation of Philosophy (6thC)
9. William Bridges Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes (1980)
10. David D Burns The New Mood Therapy (1980)
11. Joseph Campbell (with Bill Moyers) The Power of Myth (1988)
12. Richard Carlson Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff (1997)
13. Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936)
14. Deepak Chopra The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success (1994)
15. Paulo Coelho The Alchemist (1988)
16. Stephen Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989)
17. Mihaly Cziksentmihalyi Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (1991)
18. Alain de Botton How Proust Can Change Your Life (1997)
19. The Dalai Lama & Howard Cutler The Art of Happiness (1999)
20. The Dhammapada (Buddha’s teachings)
21. Wayne Dyer Real Magic (1992)
22. Ralph Waldo Emerson Self-Reliance (1841)
23. Clarissa Pinkola Estes Women Who Run With The Wolves (1996)
24. Viktor Frankl Man’s Search For Meaning (1959)
25. Benjamin Franklin Autobiography (1790)
26. Shakti Gawain Creative Visualization (1982)
27. Daniel Goleman Emotional Intelligence (1995)
28. John Gray Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (1992)
29. Louise Hay You Can Heal Your Life (1984)
30. James Hillman The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling (1996)
31. Susan Jeffers Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway (1987)
32. Ellen Langer Mindfulness: Choice and Control in Everyday Life (1989)
33. Lao-Tzu Tao-te Ching (The Way of Power)
34. Maxwell Maltz Psycho-Cybernetics (1960)
35. Abraham Maslow Motivation and Personality (1954)
36. Phil C McGraw Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters (2000)
37. Thomas Moore Care of the Soul (1992)
38. Joseph Murphy The Power of Your Subconscious Mind (1963)
39. Norman Vincent Peale The Power of Positive Thinking (1952)
40. Carol Pearson The Hero Within (1989)
41. M Scott Peck The Road Less Traveled (1990)
42. Ayn Rand Atlas Shrugged (1957)
43. Anthony Robbins Awaken The Giant Within (1991)
44. Florence Scovell-Shinn The Game of Life and How To Play It (1923)
45. Martin Seligman Learned Optimism (1991)
46. Samuel Smiles Self-Help (1859)
47. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin The Phenomenon of Man (1955)
48. Henry David Thoreau Walden (1854)
49. Marianne Williamson A Return To Love (1993)
50. Zig Ziglar See You At The Top (1975)

Compiled from the book “50 Self Help Classics” by Tom Butler-Bowdon:

Top 5 Habits…

Even in the midst of extremely challenging circumstances, we can usually find something for which we are truly grateful. And best of all, the more we open our minds and hearts to appreciating what’s around us, the more good we see! In addition to helping us cope with challenges, this kind of grateful attitude can be contagious and is a wonderful life lesson to share with our kids.

Here are some suggestions for making gratitude a regular habit:

Keep a Gratitude Journal
Write down five things each day that you’re grateful for. At first, you might think that it would be hard to come up with different things each day, but you’d be surprised at how expressing gratitude in this way causes you to recognize that you have more to be thankful for than you ever could have imagined.

Express Your Thanks Out Loud
While you’re eating dinner with your kids, go around the table and share one or two things that you’re thankful for. What’s especially great about this simple habit is that your kids will inspire you to see things you hadn’t seen before.

Write a Letter of Thanks
Don’t keep your gratitude to yourself! When you feel thankful for certain people in your life, be bold enough to say it out loud or put it in a letter. One of the great tragedies in life is that, too often, we just don’t know what we mean to others. You can take one small step toward changing this by writing a letter of gratitude to an old friend, co-worker, mentor, or friend.

Be Grateful for the Challenging Times, Too
Share with your kids some of the challenging times you’ve gone through in life that you’re also grateful for. Some of these examples might relate to your parenting experiences. A simple example might be the sleepless nights you spent when your children were infants. It certainly wasn’t fun to be up most of the night, and it was hard to function at work the next day, but those moments of bonding together were also irreplaceable. What other examples can you think of? How have you grown through your most challenging experiences, and what good has come out of them?

Make it a Habit
Learning to be truly grateful can change your life. One way to continue a new “attitude of gratitude” is to create a habit around your thankfulness. For example, you might set aside a certain time of day to reflect on what you’re grateful for. Sometimes it can help to do something ritualistic at the same time, such as make yourself a cup of tea. Then, as you’re sipping the tea, consider what you’re grateful for. Each time you make a cup of tea, reflect on your gratitude. Over time, this will begin to seep into your everyday thinking, and you’ll realize that you have much in life to be grateful for!

By Jennifer Wolf - Jennifer is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and the mother of two children. In her private coaching practice, Pathways Parent Coach, LLC, Jennifer works to bring ongoing support and encouragement to busy, overwhelmed parents.

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[tags]gratitude, habits [/tags]

If Only…

So many times people become discontent with their lives and surroundings and is it any wonder? There is a whole industry set up to make us feel inadequate. We are not thin enough, or not rich enough, or not hip enough because we are not buying the latest products on the market. The message rings loud and clear: We are not good enough!!! .

How many times have you found yourself saying, “If only _________ then I could be happy “ The problem is that if we get caught up in this way of thinking we will never be happy because there is always something more we will think we need to complete our lives.

Paul Reid said, “Poverty is a state of mind often brought on by the neighbors new car” In other words, when we see our friends and neighbours acquiring things, we often feel poor because we cannot afford these luxuries. But, in reality we are not poverty stricken, we only think we are poor. This state of mind is purely relative to whom you are comparing yourself to. If you were to change your thinking and look at the homeless, then you would realize how truly rich you are. You have a roof over your head, and food on the table. Okay, so maybe it’s not your dream house and maybe you are eating peanut butter sandwiches and not caviar, but you are sheltered and fed. Believe it or not, some people do not even have these basics.

Most people do not realize the benefits of gratitude. When we sit and think about all the things we want but don’t have we set ourselves up in a downward spiral of disappointment and negative thinking which can lead to overwork, and depression. Gratitude, on the other hand, lifts our spirits and gives us a clearer focus on life as it really is. We will be content with what we have and therefore our attitude will bring us a spirit of peace and contentment.

You may say to yourself, but I don’t have much! Well then be thankful for the little things you do have. Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have someone who loves you? Do you have someone you love? Do you have food on your table? Do you have your health? Do you have a job? Do you have a pillow to sleep on?…a blanket to keep warm? Do you have your sanity? These are little things but even the smallest things we can be thankful for.

Someone once said, “If you haven’t all the things you want, at least be grateful for the things you don’t have that you wouldn’t want.”

There is always something we can find to be grateful for.

I know this sounds simplistic and I know that there are always things that many of us truly need…but if we start changing our attitudes and develop an attitude of gratitude then we will be in a better position to allow our positive thoughts to direct us in a way in which we can achieve more.

Gratitude is the first step in achieving the things you want to achieve in life. Viki King said, “You won’t be happy with more until you’re happy with what you’ve got.”

Let us make every effort to get rid of these negative thoughts that hinder our life’s journey and learn to develop positive thoughts that will help us achieve our goals.

Don’t wait until Thanksgiving rolls around each year to be thankful. Make it a point to develop in your daily life an attitude of Gratitude.

This article is bought to you by Sharron Myers

[tags] mind, grateful, thoughts [/tags]

Improve Your Mind

Gratitude or appreciation of what we already have is necessary to attract things we want. Every day when you wake up try to be thankful. Think about the good things in your live you should be thankful for.

Appreciate your job (even if you don’t like it). Feel gratitude for a place to live. If you have some food, some friends or anything else you can find to appreciate, appreciate it. A lot of people don’t have enough even basic things like food, water and their own place to live.

It’s natural that you want more, that you want to improve your standard of life, but first you need to feel gratitude for what you already have. If you start your day with feelings of gratitude you will feel good and you can keep that feeling all day. But you should also write down something like this: “I am so happy and grateful that…” and then write what you would like to have. For example: “I am very happy and grateful that I make $1 million per year; that I have wonderful and loving wife…etc.”

Use the present tense, visualize the things you want, be grateful for them, and think about them as already yours. When you achieve them, you can add new things to your list. When you write about money, start first with amount you believe is possible and then increase the amount when you got the amount you’d written down. Be specific.

When you start doing as described above, at first you might feel strange that you are using present tense for the things you want to have in the future, but it’s important to train your mind and force your mind to think about them in present tense. After some time of playing such “mental ping pong” your mind will obey and will help you to achieve the things you want.

By Krzysztof Sroka

Gratitude And Attention

Your eyes are still closed when you hear the beeping of your digital alarm clock go off on the small wooden table next to your bed. Without opening your eyes your arm naturally reaches over to press the black “snooze alarm” button - a motion you repeat just about every morning.

But this morning nothing happens. The beeping continues – and is getting a bit irritating. So now you open your eyes and watch your index finger press hard on the correct button. More beeping. You hit another switch which should just turn the alarm off completely. Still more beeping. In a fit of frustration you finally pull out the cord from the electrical outlet. Ahh…. quiet at last. Perhaps it’s time for a new clock.

A few minutes later you find yourself about to get up from a brief stop at the toilet when . . . . the toilet won’t flush. “I’m really starting off the day in great shape,” you think. You get dressed and start the coffeemaker to give you a bit of a jolt, but when you come back to the kitchen there is hot water and coffee grounds all over the table. Now you’re beginning to think that this is a bad dream and you must still be in bed. But it’s not over. You open the door to grab the morning paper and quickly check the news before leaving for work but . . . no paper! You look to the left, to the right.

Did someone take your paper? Did they forget to deliver it? No time to speculate further. Got to get to work. As you drive down the highway to work, you’re thinking about how rough the morning has been when suddenly . . . the person driving in the next lane changes lanes – cutting you off and almost running you off the road. When you arrive at work your heart is still racing and you take every opportunity to share your “extraordinary” morning with your colleagues. What a relief it will be when this day is over!

If you’ve ever had a day when everything seems to go wrong you can probably sympathize with the subject of the story above and it appears understandable that he or she would feel frustrated and perhaps have a sense that the world is a pretty unfriendly place.
To begin to understand the relationship between attention and gratitude we need to turn the story around. Imagine a day when . . . .

- the alarm works perfectly
- the toilet flushes just the way it’s supposed
- the coffeemaker produces a hot, aromatic cup of coffee
- your morning paper is waiting outside your door
- no other car crashes into you or cuts you off on the way to work

Now what happens? Do you arrive at work feeling overwhelmed with gratitude – with an attitude of appreciation for all the people and things that are supporting you on this glorious morning?

Probably not.

Habits of Attention

Most likely your attention has identified and attached itself to some other problems. If there’s no particular problem going on that morning, your mind may ruminate about something that happened in the past or anticipate some difficulty that may occur in the future. It is common for our attention to focus on the problems and difficulties we are facing because we have to pay attention to such challenges in order to handle them. Unfortunately we can develop a “habit of attention” in which we fail to notice the many things that are supporting our existence – our health, our work, our family, and our efforts to accomplish the things we want to do. The more this “habit of attention” has developed, the less likely we will be able to experience gratitude.

I first made the connection between Gratitude and Attention when I discovered a Japanese method of self-reflection called Naikan (like the name of the camera). The word Naikan means “inside looking” or “inside observation.” This method of self-reflection is primarily based on three questions:

1. What have I received from others?
2. What have I given to others?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?

As you can see these questions are very simple. And when I participated in a 14 day retreat in Japan in 1989, these questions became the framework for me to reflect on my entire life. I reflected on each stage of my life and on every person who had playing a meaningful role in my life since my birth (my mom, dad, grandparents, teachers, friends, colleagues, ex-girlfriends, etc. . .) When I stepped back from my life and began quietly reflecting on everything that had been done for me and given to me (question #1) I was surprised and overwhelmed by how much I had received in my life. The day I left that retreat I felt more cared for, loved and supported than ever before. It was as if I had a blood transfusion and gratitude was now simply flowing through my veins and arteries. I had learned to notice what I had not been noticing. Through self-reflection I had learned about attention and gratitude.

That two week retreat inspired me to return to Japan many times to investigate, in more depth, the Japanese art and practice of self-reflection. I have yet to discover a more profound method for cultivating gratitude and reshaping our attitude and understanding of our lives.

Let’s consider three of the greatest obstacles to gratitude. They are:

Self-preoccupation
We are so preoccupied with our own thoughts, feelings, needs and bodies that we have little attention left over to notice what is being done to support us. You might think of your attention as flashlight. As long as you shine the light on your problems, difficulties, and aches and pains, there is no light available for seeing what others are doing for you.

Expectation
When I turn the switch on my bedside lamp I assume the light will go on as it (almost) always does. Once I’ve come to expect something, it doesn’t usually get me attention. My attention isn’t really grabbed until my expectation isn’t met (the light bulb doesn’t work). So my attention tends to gravitate away from what I expect and towards what I don’t expect.

Entitlement
The more I think I’ve earned something or deserve something, the less likely I am to feel grateful for it. As long as I think I’m entitled to something I won’t consider it a gift. But when I am humbled by my own mistakes or limitations, I am more likely to receive what I am given with gratitude and a true sense of appreciation for the giver as well as the gift.

To experience a sense of heartfelt gratitude we most overcome these three obstacles. Self-reflection provides a path for doing so. It allows us to pause to appreciate what is being given to us rather than focus on what we don’t have. It allows us to consider the countless objects and human beings that made it possible for me to get to work or turn on my computer. Through self-reflection, we can come to see everything we have, and are, as gifts. And through self-reflection we begin to train our attention to notice what we haven’t noticed.

It is rare to meet a person whose life is full of gratitude. Many people don’t truly appreciate what they have until it is gone. And having lost the opportunity to be grateful, they simply find another reason to be disappointed.

If you wish to cultivate gratitude you must develop a practice. Without practice, there is no development of skill - only an idea. You cannot become a grateful person just by thinking that you want to be grateful. Sometimes we are engaged in a practice, but we don’t think of it as a practice. For example– complaining. Complaining is a wonderful practice if you wish to cultivate disappointment, resentment and self-pity. Have you ever tried this practice? It is quite effective. Each time you complain you get better at complaining. It is like learning to play an instrument.

Most of us are better at the practice of complaining than at the practice of self-reflection. We have developed a habit of attention – to notice the troubles others cause us. And we have developed a habit of speech — to complain to others about these troubles. But to cultivate gratitude, we need to develop a new habit of attention – to notice the concrete ways in which the world supports us each day. And we can then develop a new habit of speech – expressing our gratitude to others.

So start your practice today. Notice. Reflect. Express. Hey, what’s that sound? Oh, it’s the alarm on my watch reminding me I have an appointment. What a nice feature. It frees up my mind to attend to other things. Thanks, watch. And thanks to my wife Linda who gave it to me. And thanks to all the people who made it. And thank goodness my finger works well enough to shut it off. Time to move on.

Gregg Krech is the Director of the ToDo Institute and the author of several books including A Natural Approach to Mental Wellness and the award-winning book Naikan: Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection. He conducts ToDo Institute’s annual distance learning courses which include Working with Your Attention in April and A Month of Self-Reflection in November. More information on these courses is available by emailing the ToDo Institute at todo@together.net

Routine Of Gratitude

Now science is proving her right.

A series of studies involving 2,000 people over the last three years found the most grateful people tend to be the happiest, said lead researcher Dr. Michael McCullough, an associate professor of psychology and religious studies at the University of Miami.

‘’With gratitude, there is virtually no down side,’’ said McCullough, who has been working on the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness: Dimensions and Perspectives of Gratitude.

And there’s a major upside: “Most grateful people have low rates of depression and negative moods — but high self-esteem.’’

The message is a good one to remember on Christmas, McCullough said, when being grateful works as a powerful buffer against materialism.

‘’Having gratitude over time loosens the hold of wealth and status and comparisons to what others have,’’ he said.

But it doesn’t have to come naturally — people can learn to be grateful, McCullough said. One gratitude study he worked on asked respondents to make daily notes on four or five things for which they were thankful — even if it was just a sunny day.

The results: ‘’In just two to three weeks they reported being happier,’’ he said. “People close to them could see the difference too.’’

Dr. Andrew Wenger, a psychologist in Pinecrest, said he tries to show some clients how to be more thankful to make them more adept in handling life’s challenges.

‘’Grateful people are more likely to be resilient, and they seem to have an easier time overcoming obstacles,’’ Wenger said.

Being appreciative of others also helps keep relationships strong, added Miami Beach marriage therapist M. Gary Neuman.

‘’When we feel underappreciated, it’s a very draining experience,’’ Neuman said.

McCullough said the most grateful people see how other people have helped them “while not discounting their own effort.’’

‘’There’s something about grateful people that causes them not to take things for granted,’’ he added. “They have a sense of wonder, of appreciation.’’

Tamye Hanna of Miami said feeling grateful can be a lifesaver during tough times.

Few would think she was counting her blessings 2 ½ years ago. She was struggling to get off welfare. Money was tight. Very tight. Still, she was grateful. Her mother, Doris Hanna, helped her.

‘’I don’t know where I would be without her,’’ Tamye Hanna said.

Then she found a job as a secretary at Ebenezer United Methodist Church in Miami. Since then, she said, things have have gone from good to great.

‘’This Christmas my girls [Chelbe, 11, and Brittney, 9] will sleep in new beds for the first time,’’ she said. “I don’t have to stand in a [charity] line for toys. Now I go to the store and pick what they want.’’

There’s even more to be grateful for: Her oldest daughter, Fredericka, 20, is studying at Miami-Dade Community College. And Hanna recently got her first car. Used, true, but it runs well, she said.

‘’It just makes me feel good to be grateful — I feel blessed,’’ she said.

In Miami Lakes, Castillo said her daily prayer of gratitude keeps her more positive. Like everyone else, she’s got problems.

But, says Castillo, “I have a job. A lot of people don’t.’’

She has even begun feeling grateful for problems — just because of how good she feels once she conquers them.

‘’If you’re grateful you will always be blessed with abundance,’’ Castillo said.

Miami Herald, December 24, 2005

[tags]gratitude [/tags]

Take The Time

According to new research, it’s crucial to stop and count your blessings, even when you’ve got a million other things on your mind. In a recent study reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who began to consciously remind themselves every day of the things they were grateful for showed a significant improvement in mental health.

They also slept better and exercised more. “In just two to three weeks, they reported being happier — and people close to them could see the difference, too,” says Michael McCullough, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and religious studies at the University of Miami and co-author of the study.

None of this comes as a surprise to writer Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of the best-selling book “Simple Abundance.” Breathnach says she used to be a closet whiner. “I never complained to anybody else, but I was constantly whining to myself,” she says. She grew so tired of listening to her inner drone that one day she sat down and decided she would not leave the table until she came up with 100 reasons why her life was perfect just the way it was.

Six hours and 150 overlooked blessings later, Breathnach felt more than a little humbled. She also felt pretty good. In fact, Breathnach says the buzz she felt was almost euphoric. That night she slept better than she had in a long time. “I wanted to experience that feeling again,” she says. “The next day I thought, I wonder if I can find five more reasons in the day to be grateful.” And so began her gratitude journal.

Taking the time to write down your blessings is an important step toward living a life of gratitude, says Breathnach. It firms up your grateful thoughts and encourages you to act on them. It can also slowly change the lens through which you view your day. Instead of looking for every harm inflicted on you, you’ll find yourself becoming keenly aware of small things that bring you pleasure. “You’ll know that you need five things to write down by the end of the day, which will make you less likely to let the things you’re grateful for go unnoticed,” says Breathnach.

While the effects of writing down your blessings can be almost immediate, Breathnach suggests that you go back and read your gratitude journal after a few months, taking time to reflect on what brought you pleasure. “Most of us don’t know what makes us happy,” she says. “If we don’t know what little pleasures we like, how can we bring more of them into our life?”

Your gratitude journal should be fun, not a chore. So keep it simple, and don’t try to make it too deep or philosophical. Here are some tips for getting started:

Take stock of your senses. Jot down a taste you enjoyed, something you saw that you never noticed before, or the pleasant feeling of something such as clean sheets or your favorite cashmere sweater. “You’ll have five things before you know it,” says Breathnach.

Think small. Of course we’re thankful for the big things — our health, our relationships, our children — but it’s the small things, like a stranger holding the door for you or a hot cup of tea on a cold winter night, that are equally pleasing yet often overlooked.

Turn your troubles on their head. If your finances are causing you anxiety, find five things that made you feel bountiful that day. Maybe you found $5 in a jacket pocket, or the plumber’s bill was less than you thought it would be. “Your mind cannot hold two opposing thoughts at the same time,” says Breathnach. “Focus on the positive aspects of your money situation instead of your bills and you’ll start feeling more abundant.”
After a few weeks — maybe even a few days — take stock of how you’re feeling. Don’t be surprised if you feel happier, better rested, and more inclined to reach out to others (perhaps making the pages of their gratitude journals that evening). It seems hard to believe, but all these things can come out of one little word: gratefulness. Breathnach says, “It’s actually two little words: Thank you.”

Laura Morice

LifetimeTV

[tags]Breathnach, blessings, thankful [/tags]

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