and finally….

Advice From The Dalai Lama

It’s been making the rounds, so I figured, why not here for those who haven’t seen this list before. Instructions for Life in the new millennium from the Dalai Lama:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rules: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Life Without Credit Cards?

Great article by by LaRita Heet over at Yahoo Finance. Even though I’ve got a number of credit cards, I’ve personally lived without credit card debt for some time now… I pay them off when I use them… but a lot of people don’t. In any event, a great article to ponder….

Is there life without credit cards? And if so, is it worth living?

In today’s instant gratification world, the thought of forgoing credit cards in favor of a cash-only lifestyle seems as foreign as mailing a handwritten letter through the post office: We know some people do it, but it’s hard to understand why.

Yet there are those who have declared, “Enough is enough!” and dedicated themselves to lives sans credit cards.

According to the Fair Isaac Corp., creator of the popular FICO credit scoring model, about 20 to 25 million people in the United States do not have any credit. An additional 30 to 35 million U.S. residents have a minimal amount of credit history, according to Fair Isaac statistics. These figures mean that approximately one in five Americans do not have access to traditional credit.

The Federal Reserve Board Survey of Consumer Finances of 2004 showed that as many as one in four U.S. consumers live without credit cards. This triennial study of approximately 4,500 respondents showed that 74.9 percent of those surveyed had credit cards. José Garcia, senior researcher at Demos, a national, nonpartisan, public policy research organization, divides noncardholders into two groups: those who are unable to obtain credit cards, and those who choose not to use them.

No Credit, No Choice

According to Garcia, many of those without credit cards simply do not qualify for credit due to bad credit, no credit, immigration status or another reason.

Gail Cunningham, senior director of public relations for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC), says such mixed feelings over credit cards are common. When, during NFCC debt-counseling sessions, debt-ridden consumers — many of whom have already had their charging privileges suspended by the lender due to non-payment — are asked to cut up their credit cards, the reactions are often extreme. “Some people are like, ‘Give me those scissors! I never want to see plastic again,’ while others will clutch one of their cards close to their heart and say, ‘I loved this card,’” says Cunningham.

No Credit by Choice

Fifty-eight percent of credit cardholding households surveyed in the Fed’s Survey of Consumer Finances had balances on their cards, and until a few years ago, J.D. Roth and Ashkan Amouzegar were among them. Roth, 39, of Portland, Ore., has charted his foray into a credit cardless lifestyle on his popular personal finance blog, Get Rich Slowly.

Amouzegar, 30, a Portland, Ore., resident and business consultant in merchant financial services, made the decision to stop using credit cards two years ago. Though the anti-credit card crowd decline plastic for reasons ranging from anti-debt religious convictions to extreme wealth (and lack of “need” for credit), Roth and Amouzegar stopped using credit cards to help rein in their spending habits and control their finances.

Amouzegar — who once had 12 credit cards — used to think nothing of using his plastic to buy his friends rounds of drinks and expensive dinners. Once, he confesses, he even took a monthlong trip to Paris with a friend — and the entire trip was charged on his credit card.

“Through college and after, I used credit cards religiously and part of the problem was my irresponsibility of using it incorrectly. Most people, I think, don’t view credit cards as a loan from the bank, but as extra income, and I viewed it as, ‘Oh, my Citibank has a $5,000 limit’ — I thought it meant, ‘I have $5,000 to spend now,’” says Amouzegar.

Amouzegar, now only two years away from being completely debt-free, chose to not only discontinue using his cards but to cancel all the accounts, including his “emergency card.” The downside of no credit cards is that, even though financial experts advise consumers to save from three to six months’ worth of income in an emergency savings fund, Amouzegar says, “Well, for a lot of people, that’s not realistic. If there is a major car repair or something happens, what do you do if you don’t have that emergency card? Knock on wood, I haven’t been in that situation yet, but you never know when your refrigerator is going to go out. You never know when your car’s going to blow up, or that you need to fly somewhere due to a family emergency.”

NFCC’s Cunningham agrees. “None of us has a very well-polished crystal ball to know what tomorrow’s going to hold, and this person not using credit might think, ‘I don’t care; I’m not going to need credit in the future,’ but we really don’t know that,” she says.

Like most non-credit cardholders, Amouzegar uses his Visa-logo debit card in those situations that traditionally demand a credit card: renting a car, booking a hotel room, purchasing airline tickets and making online purchases.

He has run into occasional glitches renting cars with his debit card, as on a recent vacation. “The downside was, when I went to Maui, they would have done a charge authorization on a credit card, but since I didn’t have a credit card, they did it on my debit card, so they basically held $250 until I returned the car. So that tied up $250 out of my checking account.”

Turned Off

In 1998, GetRichSlowly’s Roth paid off his high-interest credit card debts with a lower interest rate home equity loan and now pays a single monthly payment. “When I did that, I made a vow to myself — and I promised my wife — that I was going to cut up my credit cards, and I did,” says Roth. “It’s perfectly possible to live a happy life without credit cards. They’re not a requirement. It seems to me that in our society, we get hung up on the fact that we must have credit cards, but it’s just not true.”

“The reality is that the practices of credit card issuers can be harsh on individuals,” Demos’ Garcia says. “It is those types of practices — tricks and traps — that I think will stop consumers. I think we’re seeing it more now due to that — that people, after a bad experience with a credit card, have stopped using them.”

Although it’s easy to blame the banks for high credit card bills, skyrocketing interest rates, and never-decreasing card balances, Amouzegar says that while card-issuing banks may be “crafty,” they are not dishonest. Instead, it’s the fault of the cardholder when debts get out of control. “Those people might just be making minimum payments on a really high interest rate. I would question, ‘How did that interest rate get sky-high?’ Did they make a late payment before? Interest rates don’t just automatically go to 18 percent or 24 percent — there has to be something done by the cardholder to trigger the rate to go from a preferred rate all the way up.”

Revolving vs. Nonrevolving Credit

Before canceling credit card accounts, stop to consider the long-term implications on your credit score, says NFCC’s Cunningham, noting that both revolving credit (in the form of credit cards) and nonrevolving credit (in the form of installment loans, such as auto loans, mortgages or other fixed-rate loans) are factored into a person’s credit score. “The elements that are weighed to create your credit score include a review of different types of credit, and how you handle those. For instance, a credit card is going to demonstrate how, if you pretty much have an open-end except for a credit ceiling, you can charge varying amounts each month, thus your payment each month is going to be different, and they like to see how you handle that, versus a fixed-rate loan,” she says.

Those who have paid off and then canceled their credit card account may end up “hamstringing” future efforts to obtain credit, because that old account will eventually rotate off your credit report after a period of time (usually seven years), says Cunningham. “It’s better to leave it open, because this is another element that is weighed in the credit-scoring model: They like to see longevity. They like to see that you’ve had an account open for a long time and handled it responsibly.”

Closing a credit card account can also adversely impact your credit rating by changing your debt utilization ratio — the amount of money you owe as compared to your available credit. For example, if you close an account with a $1,000 credit limit, your overall available credit number will lower, consequently skewing your debt utilization ratio.

The Bottom Line

Ask any personal finance expert, and she will agree that credit cards themselves are not the cause of anyone’s debt. Instead, it’s the misuse of credit that is to blame. Cunningham jokes about a sticker some debtors apply to their mirrors, which states simply: “You’re looking at the problem.”

Many people, once they’ve paid off their debts, are anxious to jump back on the credit card express to Debtville, says Cunningham. “A lot of people want to re-enter the world of credit simply because we live in a credit-dominated society.”

“I think the most important thing is, get your credit card and pay it off at the end of the month,” Garcia says.

According to Demos’ research, many of those who don’t pay off their balance in full every month simply cannot afford to, says Garcia. An increased cost of living, a set income and the lack of a financial safety net lead a lot of people into deepening debt, Garcia says. “So it’s not as simple as wanting to pay your credit card off. But if you can, pay it off. That way, you have a revolving line of credit, which is very useful. It’s short-term loans. Take the money upfront and then pay later so you don’t pay any interest rate or fees. But again, that’s not necessarily the reality with a lot of Americans and low-income individuals now that we’re close to a recession.”

Will Amouzegar rejoin the Land of the Plastic once he’s paid off his debt? “No,” he says without hesitation. “I personally don’t have the restraint to not view credit as extra income. I think that after the process of having been in debt and paid it off, I think I’ve learned my lesson, but still the temptation is there.”

“Ultimately, credit card companies are really a game, and you really have to be an educated consumer, and I think, be aggressive with them, because they bank on you not having knowledge,” says Amouzegar.

Yahoo Finance

Napoleon Hill Discusses Andrew Carnegie

An oldie but a goodie. Napoleon Hill talks about the wisdom the billionaire Andrew Carnegie shared with him some hundred years ago.

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The Strangest Secret (Video)

Earl Nightingale’s classic, The Strangest Secret, earned the first Gold Record for the spoken word, with sales exceeding 1 million copies. Nightingale, known as the “dean of personal development,” reveals how he discovered and lived the secret to success.

Louise Hay - You Can Heal Your Life: The Movie

This entertaining and inspirational movie based on the best-selling book of the same name is hosted by author and teacher Louise L. Hay. This film gives penetrating insights into Louise’s fascinating personal story; and shows how her views on self-esteem, abundance, and the metaphysical causes behind physical ailments were developed. It also reveals how she applied these concepts to her own emotional, spiritual, and professional life.

A number of luminaries in the fields of self-help, philosophy, health, spirituality, and New Thought join Louise, giving their take on success, happiness, and the myriad ways in which people can heal their own lives. And there are also gripping firsthand accounts from others who have been positively affected by Louise’s work.

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Is There A Time In Your Life When You Finally Get It?…

…. when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out: ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that its time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy-tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you,) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, where you should shop, what you should drive, how and where you should live, what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry, what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with, and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing. You stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

Your learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn that you don’t know everything, that it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and you learn the importance of setting boundaries and of learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love: Romantic love and familiar love. You learn how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more loveable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.

And you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.” You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and you learn that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you decide you won’t settle for less. And you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his or her touch… and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life, you get what you believe you deserve..and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes “bad” things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state: the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise never to betray yourself and never, ever to settle for less than your heart’s desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Author Unknown

The Smithsonian Life List

Great article over at the The Smithsonian. “We are all of us resigned to death: it’s life we aren’t resigned to,” novelist Graham Greene once wrote. A growing number of Americans of all ages are embracing that idea by renewing a resolve to live life to its fullest.

Exhibit A is the recent popularity of “life lists”—itineraries of things to do and places to go before taking the ultimate trip to the Great Beyond. Bookstores brim with titles such as 1,000 Places to See Before You Die, 1001 Paintings You Must See Before You Die and—for the high-minded—Fifty Places to Go Birding Before You Die. A cottage industry of Web sites has also popped up, enabling life list enthusiasts to exchange ideas ranging from learning Japanese to getting a tattoo. Now even Hollywood has gotten into the act, with the release this month of the film The Bucket List, in which two cancer patients, played by Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, break out of their medical ward and embark on a life list road trip that includes dining on expensive caviar and gambling in Monte Carlo.

Read More Here….

Can Money Buy You Happiness?

By Sharon Begley - All in all, it was probably a mistake to look for the answer to the eternal question—”Does money buy happiness?”—from people who practice what’s called the dismal science. For when economists tackled the question, they started from the observation that when people put something up for sale they try to get as much for it as they can, and when people buy something they try to pay as little for it as they can. Both sides in the transaction, the economists noticed, are therefore behaving as if they would be more satisfied (happier, dare we say) if they wound up receiving more money (the seller) or holding on to more money (the buyer). Hence, more money must be better than less, and the only way more of something can be better than less of it is if it brings you greater contentment. The economists’ conclusion: the more money you have, the happier you must be.

Depressed debutantes, suicidal CEOs, miserable magnates and other unhappy rich folks aren’t the only ones giving the lie to this. “Psychologists have spent decades studying the relation between wealth and happiness,” writes Harvard University psychologist Daniel Gilbert in his best-selling “Stumbling on Happiness,” “and they have generally concluded that wealth increases human happiness when it lifts people out of abject poverty and into the middle class but that it does little to increase happiness thereafter.”

That flies in the face of intuition, not to mention economic theory. According to standard economics, the most important commodity you can buy with additional wealth is choice. If you have $20 in your pocket, you can decide between steak and peanut butter for dinner, but if you have only $1 you’d better hope you already have a jar of jelly at home. Additional wealth also lets you satisfy additional needs and wants, and the more of those you satisfy the happier you are supposed to be.

The trouble is, choice is not all it’s cracked up to be. Studies show that people like selecting from among maybe half a dozen kinds of pasta at the grocery store but find 27 choices overwhelming, leaving them chronically on edge that they could have chosen a better one than they did. And wants, which are nice to be able to afford, have a bad habit of becoming needs (iPod, anyone?), of which an advertising- and media-saturated culture create endless numbers. Satisfying needs brings less emotional well-being than satisfying wants.

The nonlinear nature of how much happiness money can buy—lots more happiness when it moves you out of penury and into middle-class comfort, hardly any more when it lifts you from millionaire to decamillionaire—comes through clearly in global surveys that ask people how content they feel with their lives. In a typical survey people are asked to rank their sense of well-being or happiness on a scale of 1 to 7, where 1 means “not at all satisfied with my life” and 7 means “completely satisfied.” Of the American multimillionaires who responded, the average happiness score was 5.8. Homeless people in Calcutta came in at 2.9. But before you assume that money does buy happiness after all, consider who else rated themselves around 5.8: the Inuit of northern Greenland, who do not exactly lead a life of luxury, and the cattle-herding Masai of Kenya, whose dung huts have no electricity or running water. And proving Gilbert’s point about money buying happiness only when it lifts you out of abject poverty, slum dwellers in Calcutta—one economic rung above the homeless—rate themselves at 4.6.

Studies tracking changes in a population’s reported level of happiness over time have also dealt a death blow to the money-buys-happiness claim. Since World War II the gross domestic product per capita has tripled in the United States. But people’s sense of well-being, as measured by surveys asking some variation of “Overall, how satisfied are you with your life?,” has barely budged. Japan has had an even more meteoric rise in GDP per capita since its postwar misery, but measures of national happiness have been flat, as they have also been in Western Europe during its long postwar boom, according to social psychologist Ruut Veenhoven of Erasmus University in Rotterdam. A 2004 analysis of more than 150 studies on wealth and happiness concluded that “economic indicators have glaring shortcomings” as approximations of well-being across nations, wrote Ed Diener of the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign, and Martin E. P. Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania. “Although economic output has risen steeply over the past decades, there has been no rise in life satisfaction … and there has been a substantial increase in depression and distrust.”

That’s partly because in an expanding economy, in which former luxuries such as washing machines become necessities, the newly affluent don’t feel the same joy in having a machine do the laundry that their grandparents, suddenly freed from washboards, did. They just take the Maytag for granted. “Americans who earn $50,000 per year are much happier than those who earn $10,000 per year,” writes Gilbert, “but Americans who earn $5 million per year are not much happier than those who earn $100,000 per year.” Another reason is that an expanding paycheck, especially in an expanding economy, produces expanding aspirations and a sense that there is always one more cool thing out there that you absolutely have to have. “Economic success falls short as a measure of well-being, in part because materialism can negatively influence well-being,” Diener and Seligman conclude.

If money doesn’t buy happiness, what does? Grandma was right when she told you to value health and friends, not money and stuff. Or as Diener and Seligman put it, once your basic needs are met “differences in well-being are less frequently due to income, and are more frequently due to factors such as social relationships and enjoyment at work.” Other researchers add fulfillment, a sense that life has meaning, belonging to civic and other groups, and living in a democracy that respects individual rights and the rule of law. If a nation wants to increase its population’s sense of well-being, says Veenhoven, it should make “less investment in economic growth and more in policies that promote good governance, liberties, democracy, trust and public safety.”

(Curiously, although money doesn’t buy happiness, happiness can buy money. Young people who describe themselves as happy typically earn higher incomes, years later, than those who said they were unhappy. It seems that a sense of well-being can make you more productive and more likely to show initiative and other traits that lead to a higher income. Contented people are also more likely to marry and stay married, as well as to be healthy, both of which increase happiness.)

If more money doesn’t buy more happiness, then the behavior of most Americans looks downright insane, as we work harder and longer, decade after decade, to fatten our W-2s. But what is insane for an individual is crucial for a national economy—that is, ever more growth and consumption. Gilbert again: “Economies can blossom and grow only if people are deluded into believing that the production of wealth will make them happy … Economies thrive when individuals strive, but because individuals will strive only for their own happiness, it is essential that they mistakenly believe that producing and consuming are routes to personal well-being.” In other words, if you want to do your part for your country’s economy, forget all of the above about money not buying happiness.

Source: Newsweek

This Is Your Awakening…

A time comes in your life when you finally get it… When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening…

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything; it’s not your job to save the world and that you can’t teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you “stack up.”

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won’t settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it’s just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

by Sonny Carroll

P.S - Sonny wrote this piece in 1996 shortly after coming out of a long drawn out and painful break-up… “I was a total mess. My life was in shambles and as I tried to make some sense of what had happened, and why, I began to write The Awakening. This piece is a compilation of all the lessons I learned and the observations I made about myself, about other people and their relationships, and of the wisdom that my most dear friend, Drane Uljaj, has shared with me over countless cups of tea.”

Her website, Wake To Life (www waketolife com) is now no longer in existence and attempts to contact her recently have been unsuccessful.

How To Experience Total Freedom

Eckhart Tolle asks the questions: Are you stressed? Are you so busy getting to the future that the present is reduced to a means of getting there? Stress is caused by being “here” but wanting to be “there,” or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside.

Are your thought processes creating guilt, pride, resentment, anger, regret, or self-pity? Then you are not only reinforcing a false sense of self but also helping to accelerate your body’s aging process by creating an accumulation of past in your psyche. Verify this for yourself by observing those around you who have a strong tendency to hold on to the past.

Does the past take up a great deal of your attention? Do you frequently talk and think about it, either positively or negatively? The great things that you have achieved, your adventures or experiences, or your victim story and the dreadful things that were done to you, or maybe what you did to someone else?

Die To The Past Every Moment

You don’t need it. Only refer to it when it is absolutely relevant to the present. Feel the power of this moment and the fullness of Being. Feel your presence.

Are you worried? Do you have many “what if” thoughts? You are identified with your mind, which is projecting itself into an imaginary future situation and creating fear. There is no way that you can cope with such a situation, because it doesn’t exist. It’s a mental phantom.

You can stop this health- and life-corroding insanity simply by acknowledging the present moment.

Give Up Waiting As A State Of Mind

When you catch yourself slipping into waiting… snap out of it. Come into the present moment. Just be, and enjoy being. If you are present, there is never any need for you to wait for anything.

So next time somebody says, “Sorry to have kept you waiting,” you can reply, “That’s all right, I wasn’t waiting. I was just standing here enjoying myself — in joy in my self.”

These are just a few of the habitual mind strategies for denying the present moment that are part of ordinary unconsciousness. They are easy to overlook because they are so much a part of normal living: the background static of perpetual discontent. But the more you practice monitoring your inner mental-emotional state, the easier it will be to know when you have been trapped in past or future, which is to say unconscious, and to awaken out of the dream of time into the present. But beware: The false, unhappy self, based on mind identification, lives on time. It knows that the present moment is its own death and so feels very threatened by it. It will do all it can to take you out of it. It will try to keep you trapped in time.

In a sense, the state of presence could be compared to waiting. It is a qualitatively different kind of waiting, one that requires your total alertness. Something could happen at any moment, and if you are not absolutely awake, absolutely still, you will miss it. In that state, all your attention is in the Now. There is none left for daydreaming, thinking, remembering, anticipating. There is no tension in it, no fear, just alert presence. You are present with your whole Being, with every cell of your body.

In that state, the “you” that has a past and a future, the personality if you like, is hardly there anymore. And yet nothing of value is lost. You are still essentially yourself. In fact, you are more fully yourself than you ever were before, or rather it is only now that you are truly yourself.

The past cannot survive in your presence. Whatever you need to know about the unconscious past in you, the challenges of the present will bring it out. If you delve into the past, it will become a bottomless pit: There is always more. You may think that you need more time to understand the past or become free of it, in other words, that the future will eventually free you of the past. This is a delusion. Only the present can free you of the past. More time cannot free you of time.

Access the power of Now. That is the key. The power of Now is none other than the power of your presence, your consciousness liberated from thought forms. So deal with the past on the level of the present. The more attention you give to the past, the more you energize it, and the more likely you are to make a “self” out of it.

Don’t misunderstand: Attention is essential, but not to the past as past. Give attention to the present; give attention to your behavior, to your reactions, moods, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present. There’s the past in you. If you can be present enough to watch all those things, not critically or analytically but non judgmentally, then you are dealing with the past and dissolving it through the power of your presence.

Become Aware Of Your Breathing

Feel the air flowing in and out of your body. Feel your inner energy field. All that you ever have to deal with, cope with, in real life — as opposed to imaginary mind projections — is this moment. Ask yourself what “problem” you have right now, not next year, tomorrow, or five minutes from nöw. What is wrong with this moment?

You can always cope with the Now, but you can never cope with the future — nor do you have to. The answer, the strength, the right action, or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after.

Are you a habitual “waiter”? How much of your life do you spend waiting? What I call “small-scale waiting” is waiting in line at the post office, in a traffïc jam, at the airport, or waiting for someone to arrive, to finish work, and so on. “Large-scale waiting” is waiting for the next vacation, for a better job, for the children to grow up, for a truly meaningful relationship, for success, to make money, to be important, to become enlightened. It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.

Waiting is a state of mind. Basically, it means that you want the future; you don’t want the present. You don’t want what you’ve got, and you want what you haven’t got. With every kind of waiting, you unconsciously create inner conflict between your here and now, where you don’t want to be, and the projected future, where you want to be. This greatly reduces the quality of your life by making you losë the present.

For example, many people are waiting for prosperity. It cannot come in the future. When you honor, acknowledge, and fully accept your present reality — where you are, who you are, what you are doing right now — when you fully accept what you have got, you are grateful for what you have got, grateful for what is, grateful for Being. Gratitude for the present moment and the fullness of life now is true prosperity. It cannot come in the future. Then, in time, that prosperity manifests for you in various ways.

If you are dissatisfied with what you have got, or even frustrated or angry about your present lack, that may motivate you to become rich, but even if you do make millions, you will continue to experience the inner condition of lack, and deep down you will continue to feel unfulfilled. You may have many exciting experiences that monëy can buy, but they will come and go and always leave you with an empty feeling and the need for further physical or psychological gratification. You won’t abide in Being and so feel the fullness of life now that alone is true prosperity.

You cannot find yourself by going into the past. You find yourself by coming into the present.

Eckhart Tolle is the author of the internationally-acclaimed The Power of Now and Stillness Speaks.

The Illusion Of Money

The other day, a friend and I were talking about the concept of money and the fuss around acquiring all that we could. The discussion centered around the need for money. Why is it, that some can never have enough?

It was then I thought about the old adage, money can’t buy happiness, as just that - old. Do individuals want to buy happiness ? I think it’s probably more along the lines of buying that one driving trait of all humans - security, feeling secure in life.

“Happiness will follow once I have security. For now.. just give me some relief of insecurity. Security from fear. Fear of loss, fear of hunger, fear of poverty, fear of hurt. ”

“If someone can’t offer me love, then at least give me freedom from the fear of loss. If I had all the money I needed, I would be free of the insecurities of life… I’ll always be able to pay the bills, live in a nice home, travel when I want. It may be lonely, but whats worse than being lonely? How about being lonely and without any money.. or security?”

It’s an illusion.

People use money as a security blanket in the false belief that a fat bank account will ensure a perpetual source of security. But how many times do we hear of millionaires who’ve won and lost. Many times, people use money as a way of not forming deep, fulfilling relationships since they can get they’re primary source of security through dollars. It’s easier to trust the Benjamin’s than it is another individual.

Dollars are black and white, can be manipulated, budgeted, buy physical comfort, provide freedom, won’t ask questions, is indiscriminate and in large amounts, fulfills (and sometimes masks) deep feelings of insecurity.

The biggest reason people become obsessed with the pursuit of money, is the ability to feel secure. The only reason we put up with the mundane careers we’ve developed is to provide security for our families and pay the bills. Then once we have enough, we quit our jobs to do what it is we really want to do.

A lot of brave souls have figured out it’s not about money at all and forge ahead with the pursuit of happiness regardless of what is in they’re bank account.

They drive over the cliff with an unshakable determination, convinced of they’re success simply knowing they will be succeed because they’re doing what they love to do.

Money is neither good or bad. It just is. Lack of money cannot stop someone who wants to pursue they’re passion. It’s all about abandoning the false belief that money provides security. It doesn’t. Many a dream have been crushed regardless of the amount of dollars invested.

If there is one thing that makes any dream successful, it is trust. Trusting your intelligence and intuition in the pursuit of your passion.

There are no guarantees in life, except death… oh yeah, and taxes. There is no security in life except the belief in your success. Making your success dependent on money is a losing formula. Money is the result of success, which is the result of happiness. Money is the end result, not the cause of a fulfilling life.

By making money a requirement for security in life, you will never fulfill your need. There will never be enough. Abandon the idea that you need security as your sanctuary. You don’t.

Just my 2 cents, no pun intended.

Written by Robert Hunt

10 Money Habits To Kick To The Curb

Remember the movie “Groundhog Day,” the one where Bill Murray kept reliving the same day? Some people live their financial lives like that, making the same mistakes over and over.

But you don’t have to be one of them.

To help you avoid being a repeat offender, here are 10 of the common money errors that many of us make repeatedly, along with the real-world cost of each and a better way to handle each situation.

* Spending without a budget.

* Carrying a balance on credit cards.

* Ignoring interest rates.

* Not investigating disability insurance.

* Failing to see how little purchases add up.

* Not matching employer’s contribution to retirement.

* Waiting until the last minute to fund IRA.

* Paying everyone else, saving “what’s left.”

* Not managing your investments.

* Getting emotional about your investments.

Spending without a budget

Many times when people think of financial planning, they think only in terms of investments, says John K. Ritter, CFP, co-owner of Ritter Daniher Financial Advisory in Cincinnati. But if you have income and bills, you also need a budget. Too many times, “there is more outgo than income,” he says.

The cost: Your financial peace of mind and the ability to plan long-term. “Easily, I would think people misstate what they think they are spending by every bit of 15% to 20%,” says Ritter.

Instead: Keep track of what you spend to get an idea of where your money is going. “The key is to account for those things that aren’t regular bills — groceries, entertainment dollars,” he says.

And set a little aside for one-time emergencies, like car repairs, a broken washing machine or a trip to the emergency room. People tend to leave those kinds of expenses out of a budget because they tend to be one-offs. “What they don’t tag is that there are always one-time expenses,” says Ritter.

Carrying a balance on credit cards

Interest rates can be 18% to 21% or more, says Annette Simon, CFP, principal with Mosaic Wealth Management in Bethesda, Md. “People making minimum payments never get the thing paid off,” she says.

Another way to think of it: Treat yourself to a nice dinner, and 20 years from now you’ll still be paying for it. “In general, carrying a balance on your cards is a terrible idea,” she says.

The cost: If you have a $5,000 balance on a card with an 18% annual percentage rate, or APR, it will take 26 years to pay if you just make the minimums. Including interest, you’ll end up shelling out more than $12,000. (And that’s assuming you never use it again, make every payment on time and don’t incur any fees.)

Instead: Pay balances in full each month. If you need to use a credit card to handle an emergency (medical bills and car repairs, not a quickie vacation), use it, then stop using credit until you have that bill paid.

Ignoring interest rates

Whether it’s your money market rate or what you could get on a mortgage refinancing loan, it pays to keep up with the current prices of borrowing and lending money, says Beth Gamel, CPA/PFS, an executive vice president with Pillar Financial Advisors in Waltham, Mass.

The cost: Lost income if you could have been getting a higher rate of return on your CDs or money market account. Higher mortgage payments if you don’t take advantage of lower mortgage rates.

Instead: Stay abreast of the interest trends that impact your personal finances.

Not investigating disability insurance

“Anyone earning an income and supporting themselves needs disability insurance,” says Simon. More than 20 million people sustained disabling injuries in 2002, according to the National Safety Council.

The cost: If something keeps you out of work for a few weeks or months, disability insurance could mean the difference between cutting back on a few expenses while you get back on your feet or moving in with family or friends.

Instead: Coverage can be expensive, so find out if your employer offers any kind of plan. If not, do you have the savings to support yourself for a couple of months if you couldn’t work? If the answer is no, shop around, and see if you can find a policy in your price range.

Failing to recognize how much little purchases add up

Small amounts, like small leaks, can really drain your wallet. Analyze everything from those nonessential snacks to out-of-network ATM charges to those extra phone plan minutes you’re not using.

The cost: If you’re like most people, this costs a good chunk of your paycheck.

Instead: Take the records of your cash purchases and lay them side-by-side with your debit and credit card statements to get a complete picture of where you’re spending, says Jill Hollander, CFP, president of Financial Connections Group Inc. in Berkeley, Calif. The questions to ask, she says, is: “Where are you spending that money, and does it make sense?”

Not taking advantage of an employer match for retirement funds

One of the biggest mistakes that lots and lots of people make, especially young people, is not investing in their employer’s retirement plan at least up to the point where they get the employer’s match,” says Simon. “By not doing that they’re leaving additional income on the table.”

The cost: An additional 3% to 5% of your salary annually. Plus a few decades of compounding interest.

Instead: Figure out how much you can afford to contribute, and have the money taken out of your check.

Waiting until the last minute to fund your IRA

“A lot of people wait until April instead of setting aside throughout the year, then they don’t have the money,” says Hollander.

The cost: A more comfortable retirement. Contributing $4,000 annually to a Roth IRA (and estimating a 5% return) will result in roughly $89,000 in 15 years. With the same terms, $1,000 a year leaves you with a little more than $22,000.

Instead: Put away a certain amount regularly until you hit the contribution limit, Hollander says. “We have clients who put away $500 a month until they reach the maximum,” she says.

Paying everyone else then saving ‘whatever is left’

The cost: If all you’ve saved is scraps here and there, that’s what you’ll have at retirement.

Instead: Pay yourself first, say Hollander. Take at least 5% to 10% of your check to max out your retirement plan, she says. After that, save outside the retirement plan. Unless you’re starting young, “the reality is that just saving in a 401(k) today is not going to potentially be enough money to retire on,” says Hollander.

Not managing your investments

You’re saving the money. But you also want to make sure your nest egg is diversified and that you have earning goals for various aspects of your portfolio. “Everyone’s target is going to be different,” says Ritter. The problem is that too many people aren’t making the attempt.

The cost: Balancing and managing your investments can mean the difference between a good year and a bad year, Ritter says. He recalls reading one study of mutual fund investors who focused solely on blue chip investments and saw a 2.5% return on their money in 2005, while those who were more diversified earned almost 6%. Add in compounding interest year after year and that gives you an idea of the real cost, he says.

Instead: Look at your holdings like the pieces of a puzzle. Why do you have various assets, and what purpose do they serve toward your goal? What are your goals for each asset, as well as your investments as a whole? Is your portfolio meeting those expectations?

Getting emotional about your investments

Two big mistakes: People fall in love with their investments and hang onto them “beyond the point where they should,” or, when the investment starts going down in value, “greed kicks in” and they want to hang on until it bounces back, says Simon. Neither strategy is smart.

The cost: “In a down market, like 2000 to 2002, people lost a lot,” says Simon. “It wasn’t unusual for people to come in and their portfolios were down 50% to 80%.”

Instead: When it comes to timing the market, “nobody can do it,” she says. “The smart thing is to invest in a very diversified way. It isn’t sexy, but it works.”

By Dana Dratch, Bankrate.com

Would $40,000 Make You Happy?

Is that a lump sum or do I have to take the annuity? Penelope Trunk gives her take. “It’s not jet money.” Which was a way of saying, it was a good deal, but it won’t earn enough money to pay for a private jet. No matter what size the pile of money is, there’s always a way to see it as small.

Looking for happiness through financial success? Wondering what the magic number is? It’s $40,000 according to Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert. Really. So technically, most of you should be happy. And if you’re working for the next big raise, forget it. You’re better off working on teaching yourself how to look at your money with a different eye.

I remember when I passed the $100K mark. My boss loved my work and gave me a raise that put me at $125,000. But a competitor offered me $140,000 and my boss told me he wouldn’t match it. At that point, I had no kids, no mortgage and no car payments, so I didn’t need the money. But I recognized salary as a gauge of prominence in my field, and although I was making $125,000 I felt under appreciated.

Eventually, I left that job for one that paid more than $200,000 a year, and I lived the aphorism that you have to spend money to make money. I couldn’t take high-end clients out to dinner in my refurbished wreck of a car, so I leased a BMW. Dressing as well as my clients cost an arm and a leg. And I hired an assistant to manage my personal life since my new position left no time for that.

You might scoff at my choices, but I was not unique among those whose salaries hit six figures: My expenses rose with my salary, and my desires expanded with my bank account. You might think, “That won’t happen to me,” but how foolish you would be to assume you would be the exception to the rule.

In fact, the rule is well established in research: The first 40 thousand makes a big difference in one’s level of happiness. Happiness is dependent on being able to meet basic needs for food, shelter, and clothing. After meeting those needs you need to turn to something other than consumerism. Because additional money has negligible impact on how happy you are. Your level of happiness is largely dependent on your outlook.

Maybe you’re thinking there’s another magic threshold beyond forty thousand. Like maybe 40 million. But you’re wrong. When I ran in circles of venture capitalists, there was a common phrase, “It’s not jet money.” Which was a way of saying, it was a good deal, but it won’t earn enough money to pay for a private jet. No matter what size the pile of money is, there’s always a way to see it as small.

So for those of you looking for more happiness, realize that a new job or a new home won’t be nearly as rewarding as a new outlook. Optimism makes people happy. Raising your standing on the optimism scale will impact your happiness more than raising your worth on the pay scale.

Here’s a ten-second test to figure out how optimistic you are:

Think of something really bad that has happened to you. Do you think:
1. It has made me a better person.
2. I made some mistakes, but bad things happen to everyone sometimes.
3. Nothing ever goes right for me.

Think of something really good that happened to you. Do you think:
1. I am good at creating my own success.
2. I got lucky.
3. In the end it didn’t turn out to be that great a thing.

If you chose the first answer both times, then you probably already feel pretty happy regardless of your income. If you didn’t answer one both times, then a shift in the way you think could dramatically improve your happiness.

The good news is that you can train yourself to think positively. Watch how happy people behave. The cliché about gaining strength through adversity might annoy you, but happy people live by those words.

If you took the test above and picked the third answer both times, you probably blame your life on external things so that you don’t have to take responsibility for your plight. Happy people take responsibility for their success and consider failure a temporary fluke. To change your thinking, start assuming responsibility for your emotions.

If you chose the number two answers, you probably tell yourself, “I’m not happy but I don’t know why.” Start believing that if you take action, good things will happen. Tell yourself good things happen because you expect good things and bad things happen to make you stronger.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Forget it. I don’t believe any of this works. And I can’t do it anyway.” But that’s part of your problem, isn’t it?

You can visit Penelope’s site here: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/

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