10 Facts About The Placebo Effect

“Placebo” is Latin for “I shall please.”

Placebo trials are used to tell researchers whether a tested drug has any healing effect beyond that which occurs a certain percentage of time when people take an inert pill. A patient’s belief in a pill - a supposed medicine, but chemically innocuous - is thought to activate their body’s healing powers.

Do you believe the power of your mind can heal your body?

For years, scientists have looked at the placebo effect as just a figment of overactive patient imaginations. However, by now researchers have discovered that the placebo effect is not “all in patients’ heads” but rather, in their brains.

Placebo effect is a wonderful presentation of the power of our minds and our belief systems. It proves that our thoughts may actually interact with the brain in a physical way.

We have looked through scientific research and found a number of quite interesting data about placebos that have been published in the medical literature.

1. Placebo Effect Produces Real Pain-killers

The most significant research in placebos has been seen in the treatment of pain.

Medical researchers have found, for example, that a placebo given for pain may be as effective as 8 mg of morphine (a modest dose).

Using brain scans the University of Michigan Health System scientists found that placebo treatment triggers the brains natural painkillers, called endorphins. This study provides the first direct evidence that the brain’s own pain-fighting chemicals play a role in the pain-related placebo effect - and that this response corresponds with a reduction in feelings of pain.

2. Costly Placebo Works Better Than Cheap One

A 10-cent pill doesn’t kill pain as well as a $2.50 pill, even when they are identical placebos, according to a provocative study by Dan Ariely, a behavioral economist at Duke University.

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology used a standard protocol for administering light electric shock to participants’ wrists to measure their subjective rating of pain. The 82 study subjects were tested before getting the placebo and after. Half the participants were given a brochure describing the pill as a newly-approved pain-killer which cost $2.50 per dose and half were given a brochure describing it as marked down to 10 cents, without saying why. In the full-price group, 85% of participants experienced a reduction in pain after taking the placebo. In the low-price group, 61% said the pain was less.

3. All Placebos Are Not Created Alike: The Power Of Healing Ritual

Sham devices seems to be more effective than sham pills.

While researchers usually use placebos in clinical trials to test the effectiveness of a new treatment, this trial pitted one placebo against another. Ted Kaptchuk, an associate professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, investigated whether a sham acupuncture device has a greater placebo effect than an inert pill. The results of this study show that the placebo effect varies by type of placebo used.

In the second phase of the study, participants receiving sham acupuncture reported a more significant decrease in pain and symptom severity than those receiving placebo pills for the duration of the trials.

These findings suggest that the medical ritual of a device can deliver an enhanced placebo effect beyond that of a placebo pill.

4. Placebo Response Is Strong With Asthma

Placebo effect is often observed in asthma patients - that is, they show an improvement in their condition even when they just think they are being treated.

Interestingly, the patients not only report an improvement in their disease, but objective tests indicate a benefit as well, according to the report in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology.

Previous reviews have suggested that placebo benefits are restricted to subjective responses, like pain, but are ineffective for objective physiological outcomes. Researchers from the University of California, San Francisco, investigated whether there was a placebo response in objective measures of lung function in 55 patients with asthma.

The results of the methacholine challenge test, which gauges how well a particular drug opens constricted airways, showed that placebo did, in fact, seem to improve lung function.

5. Placebo Effect Can Last For Years

The brain’s power to make people feel better can last for years.

The 2-year study, conducted at 28 centers in Canada, involved 613 patients who were given either the drug Proscar (finasteride) or a placebo. Doctors found that the 303 men on the placebo pills really were doing better, even though their prostates had grown, on average, by 8.4%. Although an enlarged prostate can impede urine flow, urine flow was improved for the men taking the placebo. Some participants, continuing to do very well on placebo, didn’t want to stop taking the pills.

The placebo effect can last for a long time if the three necessary elements are maintained:

* beliefs and expectations of patients
* beliefs and expectations of doctors
* a good relationship between them

6. Huge Placebo Effect In Depression

The placebo effect is particularly apparent in illnesses that have a strong psychological component, such as anxiety and depression. Placebo help nearly half of depressed people get better.

In 2009 researchers analyzed 12 studies which included 2,862 children (median age 12.3 years) who were randomized to either an antidepressant or placebo. The medications in those 12 studies were Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Lexapro, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron and Serzone. Taken together, 49% of children responded to placebo while 57% percent responded to an antidepressant. That makes for a global effect size of 8%, meaning a doctor would have to give anti-depressants to 10 kids before seeing a response in one of them.

How long-lasting is this placebo effect? If a person continues receiving a placebo instead of an antidepressant, does their depression get worse over time?

Scientists from Northwest Clinical Research Center analyzed research where patients were continued on placebo for more than 12 weeks and examined whether they relapsed back into depression or not. The researchers found that 79% of those receiving placebo continued to be depression-free 4 months after their initial treatment (4 out of 5 people), compared with 93% of those taking an antidepressant medication.

7. Placebo Is Quite Effective Treatment For Osteoarthritis

Researchers examined the placebo effect in 198 randomized, placebo-controlled studies (16,364 patients) for osteoarthritis. A wide range of treatments were involved - drugs, non-drug treatments, and surgical procedures.

The ultimate conclusion was surprising. It stated that, “Placebo is effective in the treatment of osteoarthritis, especially for pain, stiffness and self-reported function.”

Placebo was found to be effective for relieving pain, improving function, and decreasing joint stiffness associated with osteoarthritis. The size of the placebo effect was affected by the strength of the active treatment, how severe the disease was at the study onset, as well as how the placebo was administered.

Interestingly, the pain-relieving effect of the placebo increased when the placebo was given through injection.

8. Placebo Surgery Surprise: Fake Procedures Are As Good As “Real” Surgery

Placebo surgery shows surprising results! In fact, in those studies where placebo surgery has been used, many patients receiving the placebo improved.

The study of treatments for angina pectoris (unspecified chest pain) has been particularly revealing.

In the 1950s, many physicians treated angina with ligation of the internal mammary artery. Despite claims of up to a 91% success rate, in the late 1950s, two skeptics conducted separate double-blind tests in which half the patients received skin incision, but not artery ligation. In both studies, the placebo surgery proved equally effective as the ligation. And the overall rate of improvement with the placebo was 37%.

A 2002 study of arthroscopic knee surgery found that the outcomes for a placebo procedure were as good as those of the “real” surgery.

The bigger and more dramatic the patient perceives the intervention to be, the bigger the placebo effect. Big pills have more than small pills, injections have more than pills and surgery has the most of all.

9. Taking Pills, Even If Placebo, Predicts Better Survival In Heart Failure

Heart-failure patients have a better chance of survival if they’re conscientious about taking their pills, even if those pills are placebos, says a Duke University Medical Center study.

In an international clinical trial of 7,599 heart failure patients, the researchers found that good adherence was associated with similar lower mortality rates for both the placebo and an angiotensin receptor blocker (ARB), a medication used to relax and dilate blood vessels, when compared to patients who were not as adherent. Also, good adherence was associated with lower rates of hospitalization for both placebo and active drug.

10. Placebo Acupuncture Tied To Higher In-Vitro Fertilization Pregnancies

Compared to real acupuncture, placebo acupuncture is associated with significantly higher overall pregnancy rates among women undergoing in-vitro fertilization (IVF), according to the University of Hong Kong study.

The researchers gave real or placebo acupuncture to 370 women on the day of embryo transfer and found that 55.1% of those who received placebo acupuncture became pregnant, compared to 43.8% of those who received real acupuncture.

Our conclusion

Hope, faith, and love work wonders.

Source: eMedExpert Blog

The Art Of A Bad Mood

Psychologists call it “emotional contagion.” But you can think of it as Scroogeology or Grinchonomics.

Better yet, think of it as the woeful friend, the crabby boss, the depressed party guest whose moods are so melancholy that, despite your good cheer, they suck the joy from the season.

The effect is far from imaginary. In the last five years, a growing body of psychological research — much of it focused on the emotionally negative or positive boss — is bearing out the power one individual’s mood can have on others.

“It is one of the most robust phenomena I have ever seen,” said University of New Hampshire researcher Richard Saavedra. “And it’s all unconscious.”

Fortunately, he said, just as Bob Cratchit and Cindy Lou Who refused to let Scrooge or the Grinch dampen their spirits, modern and age-old strategies can combat the draw of your own Debbie Downer.

As University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson said, “That’s why we have eggnog.”

Recent evidence is consistent.

In the March issue of The Journal of Applied Psychology, Saavedra and colleague Thomas Sy at California State University at Long Beach examined the effects of a leader’s mood on a group.

They took 189 volunteer undergraduates, divided them into 63 groups of three and told them they were going to take part in a team-building exercise: putting up a tent.

Before the exercise, a “leader” chosen from each team was shown one of two video clips — “Saturday Night Live” skits or a vignette on torture — designed to induce a positive or negative mood. All team members’ moods were measured before and after the task.

Result: The leaders’ moods ruled, and negative moods ruled most. If a leader was up, some team members’ moods also rose. But if he or she was down, everyone was down.

In May, Purdue University psychologists presented similar results in Chicago at the annual meeting of the Midwestern Psychological Association.

Janice Kelly and Jennifer Spoor took 43 pairs of undergraduates and asked them to complete a task. One was designated the leader, the other the subordinate. The leaders, again, were shown movie clips, this time of the “choice” scene in “Sophie’s Choice” or a scene from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Bad moods ruled again, with negative proving much more contagious than positive.

Other studies show that the effect goes beyond leader-subordinate relationships. Separate studies of college roommates, dating couples and spouses all show that when one gets depressed, the other also becomes more depressed. Studies in Britain of groups of nurses and accountants showed that, within the same work group, individuals tended to share the same up and down moods.

“The idea is, you go to a holiday party and you’re happy until you enter into an encounter with someone who’s down or depressed,” said Sy of Cal State. “The next thing you know, your positive mood no longer exists. It has been hijacked by this other person’s bad mood. You go off wondering, ‘What happened?’ ”

Explanations abound. One is evolutionary, harking back to our animal selves.

People possess a vast range of troubles. But despite even grave concerns, humans in cultures worldwide generally report themselves as feeling fairly upbeat and positive, said Hope College psychologist David G. Myers, a scholar on happiness and author of The Pursuit of Happiness: Who Is Happy and Why?

Positive moods, therefore, are the norm, making negative moods stand out like an emaciated Santa. They’re cause for alarm. Something’s wrong. In the animal world, those that don’t instinctively notice and react to such warning signs do so at their own risk.

“The original form is the contagion of fear and alarm,” said Frans de Waal, a psychologist and primate expert at Atlanta’s Emory University. “You’re in a flock of birds. One bird suddenly takes off. You have no time to wait and see what’s going on. You take off, too. Otherwise, you’re lunch.”

In other words, getting caught up in another’s negativity is hard-wired, unconscious and powerful.

“I have often noticed how primate groups in their entirety enter a similar mood,” de Waal said. “All of a sudden, all of them are playful, hopping around. Or all of them are grumpy. Or all of them are sleepy and settle down. In such cases, the mood contagion serves the function of synchronizing activities. The individual who doesn’t stay in tune with what everyone is doing will lose out, like the traveler who didn’t go the restroom when the bus stopped.”

Now toss in empathy.

Although each of us may think of ourselves as individuals with our own emotions, we’re not, said University of Virginia psychologist Jonathan Haidt, author of The Happiness Hypothesis, published this month.

“We are fundamentally hive creatures, like bees and ants that have evolved as ultrasocial creatures,” he said. “We are exceptionally influenced by what is going on around us.”

When we encounter a Grinch or Scrooge or wearisome gloom monger, a) it captures our attention, and b) if we don’t feel attacked, we’re apt to empathize. People don’t say, “Hey, you’re down; I’m up! So who cares about you?!” Myers said.

“We take on the other person’s pain to some extent,” he said.

We sit. We commune. Research has long shown that we respond in like ways. They frown; you frown. They smile; you smile. They furrow their brows in conspiratorial disgust; you listen and furrow yours.

Natural and unconscious, the phenomenon is called “facial mimicry.” Coughs, yawns and laughter are contagious for the same reason.

“Acting as another acts helps us feel what another feels,” Myers said.

And feel it in very real ways.

Research shows that being exposed to someone cheery makes you cheery, but not as much as being exposed to a spiritless grump makes you depressed. As British researchers showed in work published last year, the phrase “I feel your pain” is more than a saying.

At London’s University College, psychologist Tonia Singer and colleagues used brain scans to explore empathy in 19 romantic couples. The experiment was simple. Both individuals were hooked to brain scans. One was given a slight electric shock while the other watched. Scans showed identical brain reactions. One partner was shocked, but the other partner’s pain center lighted up as if he or she had also been jolted.

So it goes with the holiday killjoy.

“Everyone wants to be civil, but unfortunately he draws your attention. You can’t help it, because that somberness stands in contrast to your generally pleasant life,” Saavedra said. “But before you know it, you’re drawn in and the only thought is, ‘I wish I could get out of here!’ ”

Strategies exist.

“In general, the key is awareness,” said Sy of Cal State. “The most insidious aspect of a negative mood is that, often, it infects you unconsciously. If you realize, ‘This person is depressed. I’m catching his mood. That is why I’m depressed,’ you can manipulate it. You can control it.”

The controls vary by person and situation. All of them come under the heading mood lifters.

Whereas, for some people, that might mean jogging or music or surrounding themselves with positive friends, for others it might mean an hour at the gym slugging a punching bag or kvetching with colleagues or a raucous night out.

Shopping. Movies. Family. Eggnog.

“There are lots of tricks we use. We do it every day, pump ourselves up,” Sy said “Why do we eat chocolate when we know it’s going to make us fat? Because it makes us feel better.”

Then there is this hopeful note.

Spirit-sapping Negative Nellies are powerful, yes. But research out of Stanford University and elsewhere also suggests that the moods of people who feel their emotions intensely — whatever they may be — are also highly contagious.

In other words, in the presence of merry spirits like Ol’ Fezziwig, the Scrooges of this world don’t stand a chance.

By ERIC ADLER
Kansas City Star

Ten Thousand Failures

Thomas Edison once mentioned to reporters that he had tried over 10,000 materials as filaments for his new invention, the electric light bulb. One reporter asked how the young inventor maintained his persistence in the face of so much failure. “Failure?” he responded. “I didn’t fail. What I did was successfully eliminate 10,000 elements which were unacceptable for my needs.” What most people would call failure, Edison saw as the process of invention.

The ability to accept so-called failure simply as information and then make corrections without self-invalidation is rare. However, it is a critical key to success. Accepting defeat or criticism is never easy, but it is those people who take feedback and make corrections who create lasting success.

Everyone fails. Everyone makes mistakes and has painful experiences. Most people just complain about them, justify them or blame someone else. The self-actualized person learns from them, adjusts, and goes on. No self-condemnation. No pity parties. No blame. Just awareness and correction. It’s not what happens to us but rather what we do with what happens to us that makes the difference.

How do we make corrections without self-invalidation? Here’s an example: If we were to fly to a distant city, our flight would be off course more than 90 percent of the time. Constant feedback and correction would be required to reach our intended destination. As we drift off course, the guidance system reports to the autopilot, and the autopilot makes the necessary adjustments. As our altitude drops or increases slightly, the same thing occurs. This feedback and correction cycle continues over and over again hundreds of thousands of times throughout the course of our flight.

Can you imagine such an exchange of information between two people? After about the hundredth time, the pilot would probably lose it with the navigator. “Stop it! Just shut up and leave me alone. I’m doing my job!”

But the autopilot never gets angry at the guidance system for its constant correction and the guidance system never makes the autopilot wrong for being off course. It is the ultimate in correction without invalidation. We can all learn from this analogy. Being off course doesn’t mean we are wrong or bad. It’s just information that we can use to make a correction.

Many of us use computers. When we don’t get the results we want, we often blame the computer. But usually the problem is not in the hardware; it’s in the programs or in the instructions we give it. The computer can be flawless, but if the instructions are faulty, the intended outcome will be undesirable. Although we may get frustrated with computers, and with ourselves for errors, it’s counterproductive to blame the system or ourselves.

Like computers, we humans often run programs (belief systems and strategies) which result in failure. We frequently make ourselves wrong for being less than perfect. We berate ourselves for our mistakes or don’t admit our mistakes be­cause that would mean we’re bad. We spend huge quantities of emotional energy in justifying or feeling guilty rather than looking for different approaches that will bring success. To overcome adversity, we must redirect this energy in better ways.

Self-invalidation is a debilitating disease. It keeps us from accomplishing much that we would attempt if we weren’t so afraid of failing—of being wrong. More is lost from not doing something than from trying and failing. The price of doing nothing is high. The money you don’t make is more than the money you may lose.

As Robert Schuller asks, “What great thing would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?” It’s worth serious contemplation because, in fact, there is no failure.

Like Edison, we need to view our errors as part of the process of success. If we learn to embrace them and use them, they can become our tools instead of our enemies.

by Michael Angier
Success Networks International
Success Net is a worldwide association committed to helping people become more knowledgeable, productive and effective. Their mission is to inform, inspire and empower people to be their best—personally and professionally. Free subscriptions, memberships, books and SuccessMark™ Cards

10 Ways to Say No, Guilt-Free

Thinking you are a bad person for saying no is a symptom of “the disease to please.” “Saying yes when you need to say no causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time,” says author Duke Robinson. Here’s how to do the right thing — for yourself and others — in 10 common scenarios where you know that opting out is your best option. Don’t feel guilty. Just take these tips from experts on etiquette and communication — and a cue from your favorite two-year-old — and say no.

Saying No for the Sake of Your Wallet

Request: A friend in need asks for a Trump-worthy loan.
What you should say: “I wish I could, but as a rule, I don’t lend money to friends.”
Why it works: It’s clear that you are not singling out this person as untrustworthy.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: Lending any amount of money can cause problems, says communications trainer Don Gabor. “It can change the nature of your relationship if the person doesn’t pay you back.”
How to avoid the situation in the future: Never lend money to friends and you won’t get a reputation as a walking, breathing ATM.

Request: A coworker wants you to chip in $25 for a gift for a colleague you wouldn’t recognize at the watercooler.
What you should say: “Oh, I’ve never really had a conversation with Sam. I think I’ll just wish him a happy birthday in person.”
Why it works: Chances are, the person taking donations has no idea how close you are (or are not) with the intended recipient. By clarifying the nature of your relationship — and emphasizing your intention to get to know the person better — you come across as thoughtful rather than cheap.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: “A gift isn’t a gift if it’s an obligation,” say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh.
How to avoid the situation in the future: If workplace gift giving is getting out of hand, take the lead in restoring sanity by circulating a card before someone can break out the gift-donation plate. Make sure others know you don’t expect anything on your birthday.

Request: Your third cousin asks to bring her boyfriend-of-the-month to your $150-a-plate wedding reception.
What you should say: “We’ve already had to make so many tough decisions to get the guest list down to size. We really can’t squeeze in/afford another guest. But I would love to have you two over for drinks sometime so I can meet him.”
Why it works: If you illuminate some of your behind-the-scenes planning, your cousin may get a clue about the inappropriateness of the request.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: It’s your party and your pocketbook, says author Patti Breitman.
How to avoid the situation in the future: Make a few calls before you put together the guest list to see if there are new additions you should consider as you plan.

Saying No for the Sake of Your Time

Request: You are offered a promotion that you don’t want. Even though it means more money, it demands more hours and more of what your boss calls responsibility and you call tedium.
What you should say: “I’m flattered that you want me, but for personal reasons I’m not in a situation where I can take this on. Perhaps in a year from now things will be different. Can we talk again if my circumstances change?”
Why it works: If you’re caught in this enviable dilemma, your boss will understand you have personal priorities that take precedence.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: By saying no to more time at the office, you’re saying yes to other things you cherish, be they long walks alone at sunset or evening time with your children.
How to avoid the situation in the future: “If a position opens up at your workplace, you could let it be known that you are not in the running,” Breitman suggests. Being forthright saves your manager the trouble of pursuing a candidate who isn’t interested.

Request: You are asked to coordinate the bake sale — again — at your child’s school.
What you should say: “I know I’m going to disappoint you, but I’ve decided not to volunteer this year, because I fear I’ll end up feeling resentful. Is there any way to get some of the other parents to step up?”
Why it works: Often people feel manipulated into doing something (”The ice cream social just won’t happen without your help!”). If you can address the problematic pattern of one person’s doing all the work, you sidestep the manipulation. And if you say no, it might force others (who never get asked) to say yes.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: “You’ve done your fair share, and now others can do this job,” says Robinson.
How to avoid the situation in the future: “Encourage school leaders to present the problem to all the parents,” says Robinson. “If people know an important program may fail, they’ll usually remedy the situation.”

Request: You’re invited to a distant relative’s annual Lobster Luau — for the 14th year in a row.
What you should say: “I’ve really had fun in the past, but I can’t make it this year. That week is already packed for me.”
Why it works: “You’ve explained it in a way that doesn’t sound like a personal rejection,” says Robinson. “And you’ve asked for understanding, based on your need to take stress out of your schedule. Everyone can identify with that.”
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: You have only so much free time — and so much tolerance for flying lobster goo. “Don’t R.S.V.P. yes, then back out at the last minute or, worse, not show up at all,” say Izzo and Marsh. “That is the least decorous way of handling the invite.”
How to avoid the situation in the future: In a note, thank the relative for thinking of you and explain that because you tend to be busy at this time of year, he should feel free to take you off his invite list.

Request: Your boss asks you to supervise this season’s intern — last seen with her feet up on a desk, iPod on, Gameboy in hand.
What you should say: “Wow, that’s an interesting project. I’m really busy with the ABC assignment right now, so let me know if you want me to re-prioritize.”
Why it works: “Asking your boss to prioritize tasks for you means you don’t have to actually say the no word,” Breitman says. If she tells you to just squeeze the new task in, then do it. But keep a list of all the extra work you’ve done — for your next review.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: You really do have enough work to do as it is.
How to avoid the situation in the future: If extra tasks keep getting dumped on your desk, ask your boss for a meeting. Explain that the added assignments are making it hard to do your primary job properly. Ask if she wants to review your job description (and renegotiate your salary while she’s at it).

Saying No for the Sake of Your Sanity

Request: A friend asks to borrow your car (because hers is in the shop to repair the dent she got while driving, talking on her cell phone, and unwrapping her kid’s juice-box straw).
What you should say: “I don’t lend anything worth more than $1,000.” Try to avoid the old “I don’t have insurance for a non-family member” excuse — most insurance policies cover the car, not specific drivers. (If your friend got into an accident, it could make your premium go up, though.) If you have time, offer her a ride instead.
Why it works: “It puts the blame on you,” explains author Patti Breitman. “Just don’t indicate you don’t trust the friend.”
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: “Your car is probably the first or second most valuable thing you own,” says Breitman. “You’re protecting a big financial asset.” Plus, if your friend were to get into an accident, your relationship might be totaled, too.
How to avoid the situation in the future: Let your friends know that while you’re typically a generous lender (”Of course you can borrow my snorkeling gear!”), your car is off-limits.

Request: A guest offers to bring her seven-layer dip to your party. It doesn’t really go with the Greek theme you have planned.
What you should say: “What a kind offer — thank you. I have already planned the menu, but do you have any dietary restrictions I should know about?” If she’s just asking to be nice and insists on bringing something, suggest a bottle of wine or a loaf of bread.
Why it works: By acknowledging the generosity of the offer, you let that person know she did all she could. Of course, if the person has dietary restrictions that make cooking difficult for you, relent and let her bring a dish she can eat.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: The person is most likely offering just to be courteous. By saying no, you give her license to relax and enjoy your hospitality.
How to avoid the situation in the future: When you invite people, ask if there is anything they don’t eat, because you want to make sure your menu works for everyone. Emphasize the word menu, so people know that you have a plan or a theme for the meal (and so they won’t try to upset it).

Request: Your future sister-in-law wants to throw you a shower, but you don’t want the fuss.
What you should say: “I really don’t want a party, but thank you so much for offering. Why don’t we splurge on a visit to a day spa instead?”
Why it works: “Not everyone likes a party in her honor or wants to be the center of attention with a paper plate of bows on her head,” say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh. Unless she has her own agenda, she should understand.
Why you shouldn’t feel guilty: “If you decline, you are taking away some pleasure from the people who care about you, but it is your occasion to shout about or be quiet about,” say Izzo and Marsh.
How to avoid the situation in the future: Announce what you would prefer to do instead of a shower before anyone offers to throw one.

By Amanda Hinnant

7 Steps To Inner Peace

Inner peace is the most valuable thing that we can cultivate. Nobody can give us inner peace, at the same time it is only our own thoughts that can rob us of our inner peace. To experience inner peace we don’t have to retreat to a Himalayan cave; we can experience inner peace right now, exactly where we are. The most important criteria is to value the importance of inner peace. If we really value inner peace, we will work hard to make it a reality.

These are some suggestions for bringing more peace into your mind.

1. Choose carefully where we spend time.

If you are a news addict and spend an hour reading newspapers everyday, our mind will be agitated by the relentless negativity we see in the world. It is true, that we can try to detach from this negativity. But, in practise ,we will make our progress easier if we don’t spend several hours ruminating over the problems of the world. If you have a spare 15 minutes, don’t just automatically switch on the TV or surf the internet. Take the opportunity to be still or at least do something positive. The problem is the mind feels insecure unless it has something to occupy it. However, when we really can attain a clear mind we discover it creates a genuine sense of happiness and inner peace.

2. Control of Thoughts.

It is our thoughts that determine our state of mind. If we constantly cherish negative and destructive thoughts, inner peace will always remain a far cry. At all costs, we need to avoid pursuing trains of negative thoughts. This requires practise. - We cannot attain mastery of our thoughts over night. But, at the same time we always have to remember that we are able to decide which thoughts to follow and which to reject. Never feel you are a helpless victim to your thoughts.

“If you have inner peace,
nobody can force you to be a slave to the outer reality.”
- Sri Chinmoy

3. Simplify Your Life

Modern life, places great demands on our time. We can feel that we never have enough time to fulfill all our tasks. However, we should seek to minimise these outer demands. Take time to simplify your life; there are many things that we can do without, quite often we add unnecessary responsibilities to our schedule. Do the most significant tasks, one at a time, and enjoy doing them. To experience inner peace, it is essential to avoid cluttering our life with unnecessary activities and worries.

4. Spend time to cultivate inner peace.

Every day we spend 8 hours a day to earn money, can we not find time to spend 15 minutes to cultivate inner peace? No matter how much money we earn, it cannot bring us inner peace, but, if we spend 15 minutes on meditation and relaxation techniques inner peace can become a possibility. Meditation does not just mean sitting still for 30 minutes; in meditation we seek to experience a state of consciousness which is flooded with inner peace. To experience this inner peace we cannot allow any thought to enter into our mind. True inner peace occurs when we can transcend the world of thoughts.

“You cannot buy peace; you must know how to manufacture it within, in the stillness of your daily practises in meditation.”

- Paramahansa Yogananda

5. Be immune to Flattery and Criticism

If we depend on the opinions and praise of other people, we can never have inner peace. Criticism and flattery are two sides of the same coin. They are both the judgements of others. However, we should not allow ourselves to be affected by either. When we do, we feed the ego. We should learn to have confidence in ourselves. This does not mean we will love ourselves in an egotistical way, it means we value our real self and have belief in the good qualities that are part of everyone.

6. Be Active Selflessly

Inner peace does not mean that we have to live a life of a hermit. Inner peace, can be felt amidst dynamic activity. But, this action should be done with selfless motives. When we serve others we forget our sense of self, and it is when we forget our limited self that we can have inner peace.

7. Avoid Criticising Others

If we want inner peace, we should feel that our inner peace depends on the well being of others. If we are indifferent to the feelings of others, then it is impossible to have inner peace for ourselves. What we give out comes back. If you offer a peaceful attitude to others this is what we will see return.

Source: http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/

The Biggest Reason For Failure… And The Solution

All we do is create experiences. That is all we do, as human beings. There is nothing else we do here on earth.

Think about your whole day today - wasn’t it a collection of one experience after another? As creators of experiences, we make good ones happen and almost every day, surprisingly, we put a monkey wrench in our own lives and mess things up.

Every day, and for no reason at all, unconsciously, we destroy our own efforts and then fail or suffer unnecessarily. When it comes to success, we are our own worst enemy and we don’t even know it. We take one step forward and two steps back, or more. Today we can all stop this unnecessary step backwards.

Do you know how much more your life, business, relationships and health would improve if you changed one little thing? Let us see how.

The one and only cause of all failure in any area of your life…

In this article, we are going to focus on work, the experience we most often find ourselves in. But you can apply the principles to anything else, including health and relationships. Work in itself is an experience, and we work so that our ‘future’ experiences can be better - or so we hope.

Instinctively, we know that we create our own experiences, otherwise we would not bother put any effort into work. And we desire ‘good’ experiences, that is why we work so hard, believing that the reward will be a ‘better’ life.

You have no doubt in your mind that you create your experiences - the only doubt you may have is the extent to which you are in control of the creation of your own experiences. Furthermore, most of humanity recognizes that they make the ‘good’ times, but they are in denial of the fact that they make the ‘bad’ times as well, the ‘failures’. They mostly blame other people and conditions for the bad ones. Well, here is the biggest reason why we have bad experiences and failures in our work, business and marketing:

Worry and fear.

That is it. That is what causes all the failures in our work, marketing, business, relationships, health and everything else. And do you know why? Because we become what we think about most.

Our thoughts create our next experience, our next moment. We have a mountain of scientific, spiritual and psychological evidence of this fact, yet we hear it and forget it.

Quantum physicists have proven beyond a doubt that the material world is fully dependent on its observers. They have proven that all matter is made of energy, and this energy ‘arranges’ itself into the matter we see based on the expectations of the observer.

In other words, it is our intentions, attention and observations that ‘collapse’ this energy into matter. This is not scientific speculation any more. Nobel Prize winning scientists have proven this without a shred of doubt. And what do our religions tell us? All our religions, all of them, tell us that what we believe we become.

The Bible, for example, tells us that whatever we ask, we receive, whatever we seek, we find, whatever we believe, we are, and as a man thinketh in his heart so is he. Whenever you are thinking, you are asking. Your asking does not start when you start praying and end when you say ‘amen’.

All your thoughts are constant communication with the universe, communication that is acted upon exactly. Every thought of fear and worry that you have produces an outcome in your world. It is this outcome that you call ‘failure that was beyond your control’. It was never beyond your control - you just were not conscious of what you were doing and the power that you had. You have now heard evidence from science and religion that this is so. Let us now see what psychologists and philosophers say:

“The psychological rule says that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside, as fate. That is to say, when an individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner contradictions, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposite halves.” - Carl Jung

“Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen.” - Kahlil Gibran

“The attempt to escape a problem is the problem. See the logic of this. When a man tries to escape, when he moves away from the problem, he divides himself into one man with a problem and another man who will escape the problem. In reality, there is no such division, so the escape must always fail, as the man sadly experiences. But when seeing that he is the problem itself, that he and his problem are one, he stops trying to escape because he sees there is no other course. In this state of intelligent acknowledgement of reality, he will not have the problem.” - Vernon Howard

“The aphorism, “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he,” not only embraces the whole of a man’s being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life.” - James Allen

“Whether you believe you can or you can’t - either way you are right” - Henry Ford

How most people create their lives… and how they get it wrong

Let us now look at how most people go about creating their lives and their business: They have a goal, a desire. In terms of work, this goal may be to advance in their career, to launch a new marketing strategy, to have their web site achieve success and high traffic, or whatever else.

They decide to go for this goal. They then have countless thoughts about this goal or desire. A great percentage of those thoughts are worries and doubts as to whether they will achieve this goal. A great percentage of these thoughts are analysis of how they will achieve it and how they may fail. They then analyze the analysis and analyze that analysis until what is left is a mass of confusion and fear and doubt. They reach a point where they don’t even know how they wish the goal to turn out - one confident side of them says outcome A will happen, then a fear comes up and it says B, then a newspaper article makes them think C, and so on.

How does anyone expect anything but havoc in the outcome of such haphazard thought full of fear and doubt? You must be like a child. A child, a small child before they are influences by adults into fear and doubt, is of one mind, certain of outcome, ever happy. You can guess how much more successful you would be with such clear thought.

Worry and fear is the single most destructive force in this world and in our personal lives and businesses. Yet we do it every day!

Why? Because we believe it works. It is that simple.

I was watching an Oprah episode with Dr. Phillip C. McGraw, author of Self Matters, as the guest that day. He said, as most others have said before, that humans do not do anything unless we believe there is a pay off.

The only reason we worry is that we believe it works! That is the payoff. As insane as this idea is, we somehow buy into it. Why? Mainly because we do not know the future. So we have a goal, then because we cannot see the future, we have this thought that it may not come true, so we worry, thinking it will help us. But because we become what we think about, the very worry itself comes true.

That which we fear and worry about materializes. We are worries about things because we are worried about things. It is a vicious cycle. We believe what we see yet what we see is created by what we believe. But that cycle starts in our belief. We change our belief and reality changes.

So what is the solution?

Stop worrying and drop your fears. Time for more evidence. Again, every religion and spiritual path, not to mention psychologists and psychiatrists, tell us not to worry. For example, the Bible tells us “Be anxious over nothing”, “Be still”, and so on. But most importantly, we are guided over and over again into detachment of outcome.

Zen, Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Islam, and all other faiths, over and over, in various ways, teach detachment, non-resistance. Letting go. The very idea of struggle is made necessary because of our resistance.

Look at nature. Things work out without resistance in the most miraculous of ways. Change must happen in this physical realm. Nothing stays the same. Yet everything blooms.

Deepak Chopra, in his best-selling book the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, outlines detachment as one of those laws. In any case, what you resist persists. So if you find yourself resisting an outcome you do not wish to occur, you are simply energizing it into occurring.

So why is so much emphasis given by sages, masters, teachers and guides to be detached, to let go? Because you do not know every possible outcome, combination and miracle needed to get to the best outcome possible at the best time. And because you do not know, when you feel the need to control what you don’t know, you worry and cause suffering to yourself. You forget that you are not alone.

The universe is not just made of physical stuff. There is a Source of the physical, that which all thought and matter springs from and goes back into. Spirit is the source that everything, from yourself to your car to the stars, comes from. It is First Cause, and eternal. It knows what you do not.

And if you have ever observed your life, you will notice that often things have come to you in ways you would never have planned to give an outcome much better than you would have hoped for. How did that happen?

See, when you decide to do everything yourself, including what you know not, you limit yourself to your fears and finite possibilities. Stick to what you know and leave the rest to That Which Knows.

If you have a desire to succeed in a certain thing, express that intension, will it, know that it shall be acted upon without fail by the universe, just like all of nature is, and let go, with faith and certainty. Detach yourself totally fro the ‘problem’, outcome or steps needed for the outcome to happen.

A goal set with certainty is already accomplished, and because it is, all the miracles necessary for its manifestation are already set and will happen in good time as long as you do not get in the way. If you start analyzing and worrying, setting deadlines and conditions, steps and metrics that only serve to scare you in case you miss them, you are getting in your own way.

Simply intend, believe, be grateful because you know it is being taken care of, and leave it, move on to the next thing. This not only saves you from failure, but it frees you so much time to intend so many more things instead of spending hours worrying over that one thing. Here is a quote that should get you thinking:

“The lesson is forcibly taught by these observations that our life might be much easier and simpler than we make it; that the world might be a happier place than it is; that there is no need of struggles, convulsions, and despairs, of the wringing of the hands and the gnashing of the teeth; that we mis-create our own evils. We interfere with the optimism of nature; for whenever we get this vantage-ground of the past, or of a wiser mind in the present, we are able to discern that we are begirt with laws which execute themselves. The face of external nature teaches the same lesson. Nature will not have us fret and fume.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Detachment has been proven to work over and over. Worry and fear has been proven to destroy over and over. I saw the following fantastic bit of information in Joe Vitale’s new book, Spiritual Marketing: “According to research done at Spindrift Foundation on the power of prayer, a “Thy will be done” prayer gets more than twice as many results as a specific “give me this” prayer.”

You do not have to be a religious person. You don’t even need to have a religion. The laws of the universe work uniformly for all, no matter whom or what they are. And intention with detachment will work for you regardless.

So there you have it. Focus only on that which you can do. And the only thing you can effectively do is intend and enjoy Now.

J. Krishnamurti once said that we should live “as though one were living for that single day, for that single hour.” Did you know that all problems exist in the mind in the past and future? Look at your thoughts of problems. They are all memories or worries about something in future that has not even happened yet and can very well be avoided if only you stopped worrying.

Stop your mental noise, focus on Now, and you will start having inspiration instead of worries. Learn how to apply these new ways in your life. In any field, be it marketing, business, child care, relationships, health, finances, or whatever, you can live in this new more effective way.

Let go. Focus only on what you know and can, and leave the rest to the Source, Providence, Spirit, the Universe, or whatever other term you find comfortable. If you don’t, you only get in your own way. Let go and enjoy!

Written by David Cameron, author of Raising Humans and A Happy Pocket Full of Money. His latest book is How to Live With Yourself and Automatically and Simply Love Yourself To Pure Freedom, Health, Wealth and Relationship Success

10 Habits of Highly Functional Brains

If you are reading this, the good news is that you have a brain inside your head. And you have probably read about the emerging brain fitness movement: frequent articles in the media, an ongoing PBS special, more and more products and games.

Newsweek’s Sharon Begley recently wrote that “With the nation’s 78 million baby boomers approaching the age of those dreaded “where did I leave my keys?” moments, it’s no wonder the market for computer-based brain training has shot up from essentially zero in 2005 to $80 million this year, according to the consulting firm SharpBrains.”

Now, before you embark on buying any of those programs, you should know that there is a lot we can do without spending a dime. Based on dozens of interviews with scientists and recent research findings, let’s take a look at some of the habits of Highly Effective Brains:

1. Learn what is the “It” in “Use It or Lose It”.

A basic understanding will serve you well to appreciate your brain’s beauty as a living and constantly-developing dense forest with billions of neurons and synapses.

2. Take care of your nutrition.

Did you know that the brain only weighs 2% of body mass but consumes over 20% of the oxygen and nutrients we intake? As a general rule, you don’t need expensive ultra-sophisticated nutritional supplements, just make sure you don’t stuff yourself with the “bad stuff”.

3. Remember that the brain is part of the body.

Things that exercise your body can also help sharpen your brain: physical exercise enhances neurogenesis.

4. Practice positive, future-oriented thoughts until they become your default mindset and you look forward to every new day in a constructive way.

Stress and anxiety, no matter whether induced by external events or by your own thoughts, actually kills neurons and prevents the creation of new ones. You can think of chronic stress as the opposite of exercise: it prevents the creation of new neurons.

5. Thrive on Learning and Mental Challenges.

The point of having a brain is precisely to learn and to adapt to challenging new environments. Once new neurons appear in your brain, where they stay in your brain and how long they survive depends on how you use them. “Use It or Lose It” does not mean “do crossword puzzle number 1,234,567″. It means, “challenge your brain often with fundamentally new activities.”

6. We are (as far as we know) the only self-directed organisms in this planet. Aim high.

Once you graduate from college, keep learning. The brain keeps developing, no matter your age, and it reflects what you do with it.

7. Explore, travel.

Adapting to new locations forces you to pay more attention to your environment. Make new decisions, use your brain.

8. Don’t Outsource Your Brain.

Not to media personalities, not to politicians, not to your smart neighbor, not to this blogger… Make your own decisions, and mistakes. And learn from them. That way, you are training your brain, not your neighbor’s.

9. Develop and maintain stimulating friendships.

We are “social animals”, and need social interaction. Which, by the way, is why the Baby Einstein series has been shown not to be the panacea for children development.

10. Laugh. Often.

Especially to cognitively complex humor, full of twists and surprises. Better, try to become the next Jon Stewart, and create your own unique humor.

Keep in mind that what counts is not reading this article - or any other one - but practicing a bit every day until small steps snowball into unstoppable, internalized habits… so, pick your next battle and try to start improving at least one of these 10 habits during the holidays!

By Alvaro Fernandez
Source: Huffington Post

Our Screwed Up Brains - Video

Al Seckel, a cognitive neuroscientist, explores the perceptual illusions that fool our brains. Loads of eye tricks help him prove that not only are we easily fooled, we kind of like it.

3 Secrets To A Stress Free Life

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith. ~Henry Ward Beecher

A stress free being is aware that he or she knows no destination other than Now. They experience no hesitation, procrastination or postponement of their life, ever! Why should there be? They love life too much, so their mind does not get in their way to cause any resistance. They have no stressful constriction of blood vessels caused by adrenaline rushes or fear or anger, they aren’t trying to avoid an early death because they are too consumed with the loving, being playful and enjoying life fully. They are trusting the flow, connecting to their thoughts, emotions and physical body. They are tapped into the perpetual flow of bliss within themselves.

Stress free people have learned that stress is their number one signal from the body to STOP and LET GO! Any avoidance strategy to ignore this signal and keep going is a sign of future pain. They know this and want to transcend the mental prison of their ego’s agenda. They’ve practiced the art of letting go and releasing stress for years and still consider themselves to be a student. They are always learning. They’ve truly come around to embracing their own innocence so that they can see and feel within their innermost core of their being is this pure “being” energy…the ecstasy everyone is seeking.

The stress free person also knows how to PLAY with people and takes them self less seriously. The entire Universe is their playground. If negative thoughts arise in the mind, they are invited in openly and experienced fully by their mind, emotional body and even welcomed physically. They resist NOTHING. If their previously stress-filled rigid ways of dealing with others come into form, they don’t refuse certain “negative” thoughts and feelings, they see each thought in the bigger scheme. That they are just a rocky bank in the greater flow of the River of Life, that has many mysteries, and hidden dimensions to experience. There is no tension found in the stress free being ever because no judgment, resistance or avoidance can find its way in.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ~Plato

SECRET #1 - Quiet Your Mind

The meditative mind is divine mind. It is simply being here in the now. It has become so relaxed that it is actually laser focused, pointing towards mindfulness in the now. Every stress free being will tell you there is no better time than this one that is happening right now. Meditation is a way to quiet the mind so you can see that all experiences (negative and positive) are paths for the soul to discover this higher Universal Source. A quiet mind can hear their intuition clearly so they can establish deeper connections with everyone in the world, and manifest a much more peaceful experience of life. A quiet mind is much easier to live with than a busy mind.

“The quieter you become, the more you’re able to hear.” ~Zen saying

SECRET #2 - Celebrate What Is Now

Our attachment to the past and future is what creates the GREATEST cause of stress in our lives. Since this moment is the only thing that is real, choose to be constantly celebrating what is happening now. If you are experiencing a problem, celebrate it! That problem will soon be a blessing in disguise. Life is actually a celebration of opposites. How could you know light without shadow, or depth without shallow-ness? We are in a state of perpetual ebb and flow of the tides. Celebration of this existence is what makes you a master of your life! Whatever it is that’s happening in your life right now, there is some way you can celebrate it. There is always another door opening where one has closed. Now is that moment that is filled with amazing qualities life consists of. Just realizing this little secret will assist you greatly in choosing to see the miraculous instead of the mundane wherever you are.

We are either all masters in ego-disguises, or all egos with master-amnesia. ~Unknown

SECRET #3 - Know Your Infinite Nature

The Truth is that we are all eternal beings who will never die. We are souls in a body who will only change form. We will be reborn again if we want to or not. If we have enough awareness we can choose to experience anything when we die. The infinite quality of your own being is just like saying the Sun is warm. It is a grand understatement of who we really are. When you get the true enormity of who you are, everything will change. Once this very small piece of information remains sacred and the goal for your entire day, month, and year, you will awaken. The Universe will welcome you to back home to your true limitless self and playground.

Ecstasy is our very nature; not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary. To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous. It needs no effort to be ecstatic, it needs great effort to be miserable. That’s why you look to tired, because misery is really hard work; to maintain it is really difficult, because you are doing something against nature. ~Osho

By Jafree Oswald and Margot Zaher
Creators of The Secrets of Manifesting

Great Lessons From Great Men

By J.D. Roth

Because I write a personal finance blog, I read a lot of books about money. I’ll be honest: they’re usually pretty boring. Sure, they can tell you how to invest in bonds or how to find the latest loophole in the tax code. But most of them lack a certain something: the human element.

Recently I’ve begun to read a different kind of money book in my spare time. I’ve discovered the joy of classic biographies and success manuals, especially those written by (or about) wealthy and/or thrifty men. When I read about Benjamin Franklin or Warren Buffett or J.C. Penney, I learn a lot — not just about money, but about how to be a better man.

Here are twelve of most important lessons that these books, written by and about great men of years gone by, have taught me:

Be Tenacious
“Anybody can be a halfway man, but the one who rises above this class is the one who keeps everlastingly pushing.” — J. Ogden Armour, Touchstones of Success (1920)
More than any other, one lesson stands out from the books I’ve read: Never give up. If you have a goal or a dream, pursue it. If there’s a cause that you truly believe in, then fight for it. That’s not to say that you should doggedly chase greed or gluttony, but that you should do your best to achieve those things that are important to you. Great men struggle through daunting obstacles to reach their destinations. In everything that you do, do your best. And remember: The road to wealth is paved with goals.

Exercise Self-Control
“‘Tis easier to suppress the first desire, than to satisfy all that follow it.” — Benjamin Franklin, The Way to Wealth (1758)
Benjamin Franklin famously attempted to codify his quest for self-control. As Brett wrote last year, Franklin committed himself to thirteen virtues, and he developed a system for tracking how disciplined he was in his daily pursuit of these ideals. There’s nothing wrong with an occasional indulgence. But when the indulgence becomes a habit — or worse, a vice — this can affect your life. Even destroy it. If you have habits that prevent you from fulfilling your potential, find a way to boost your self-control. (You might, for example, use Joe’s Goals to track your progress, much like Benjamin Franklin did.)

Do the Right Thing
“To be truly rich, regardless of his fortune or lack of it, a man must live by his own values. If those values are not personally meaningful, then no amount of money gained can hide the emptiness of life without them.” — John Paul Getty, How to Be Rich (1961)
Have a code of honor, and live by it. Your code of honor might come from your faith, or from your education, or from your family. Whatever the source, live by these values. Life is filled with temptations. The more you accomplish, the more people will tempt you with offers for quick gains or passing pleasures. Many men succumb to these, but those who do rarely achieve what they might have if they’d stuck to their principles. The books I’ve read are filled with stories of men who have resisted the urge to compromise, and who believe that this has been a key to their success. Don’t cheat. Be honest. Work hard. And embrace the golden rule.

Embrace The Golden Rule
“Good will is one of the few really important assets of life. A determined man can win almost anything that he goes after, but unless, in his getting, he gains good will he has not profited much.” — Henry Ford, My Life and Work (1922)
James Cash Penney — the man behind the J.C. Penney chain of department stores — believed that success could be measured by how a man treated others. In his book, Fifty Years with the Golden Rule, Penney describes his life-long adherence to this maxim: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Other great men believed the same. They believed that their fortunes came not from pursuing money itself, but by producing something of value to others. But this principle also holds true outside of business. In your dealings with your friends, your family, and with strangers, treat others as you would like to be treated. Doing so builds social capital, strengthening the fiber of the community.

Pay Yourself First
“Many a man is poor today, although he has worked like a slave, simply because he could not save.” — Orison Swett Marden, The Young Man Entering Business (1903)
Another common thread in most of these books — and in personal-finance classics like The Richest Man in Babylon — is the importance of saving. “Pay yourself first,” the old adage goes, and it’s great advice. If you will set aside ten or twenty per cent of all that you earn, your fortune will grow far beyond that of your peers. Some of this money should be invested in a manner that makes you comfortable. (You should learn about the concepts of asset allocation and diversification, if you haven’t already.) But some of your money should also be set aside in a high-interest savings account to act as an emergency fund. When you save — when you pay yourself first — you are using the strength of your youth to insure your uncertain tomorrow.

Avoid Debt
“Be assured that it gives much more pain to the mind to be in debt, than to do without any article whatever which we may seem to want.” — Thomas Jefferson, Letter to his daughter Martha (14 June 1787)
Debt is slavery. When you owe money to another man, you are obligated to work for his benefit, not yours. Many young men struggle with debt — I did so myself. But those who are not able to overcome their spending habits are likely to find themselves always poor. When you pay interest to someone else, you cannot earn interest for yourself. When you’re in debt, your options are limited. You cannot choose, for example, to take a month off to travel across the country with a friend. You cannot quit a job you hate. If you did, how would your bills get paid? To be sure, a certain amount of debt is useful in business, but make it a policy in your personal life to never borrow for something that will decrease in value. (And if you’re already behind, make it a priority to get out of debt as soon as possible.)

Keep Well
“The foundation of success in life is good health: that is the substratum of fortune; it is the basis of happiness. A person cannot accumulate a fortune very well when he is sick.” — P.T. Barnum, The Art of Money Getting (1880)
Your health is your greatest asset. If you lack health, you cannot work, and cannot produce an income. Health allows you to engage in productive activities, at work and at play. It allows you to enjoy the company of your friends and family. And it allows you to live with vigor. Guard your health. Do not neglect your body. Eat well. Exercise regularly. If you drink or smoke, do so in moderation. You will not live forever, but with some care and foresight, you may get a little closer!

Do Not Covet
“By wishing to be what he calls ‘up-to-date’ as his friends or boon companions, many a young man mortgages his future.” — Orison Swett Marden, The Young Man Entering Business (1903)
It never pays to compare yourself to others. For one, you can find yourself longing to own the same things they do. Your best friend buys a new Ford Mustang, and suddenly you want one too. The guys from work go out for drinks on Friday evening, but you’re broke — the temptation to join in, to have what others have, can be unbearable. Focus only on yourself and how the things you own and do relate to your goals. Don’t be jealous of others. (This is one message in the famous essay, “Acres of Diamonds”: Instead of looking elsewhere for wealth, look at your own life.)

Live Modestly
“This, then, is held to be the duty of the man of wealth…To set an example of modest, unostentatious living, shunning display or arrogance.” — Andrew Carnegie, The Gospel of Wealth (1889)
This is the flip side to “Do Not Covet”. Just as you should not allow the behavior of your friends to influence your spending decisions, so too be conscious of your influence on them. If you have money, don’t flaunt it. And if you don’t have money, don’t pretend that you do. It’s fine (even good) to buy quality products, but don’t be flashy. Live simply and well.

Practice Patience
“No matter how great the talent or the effort, some things just take time: you can’t produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.” — Warren Buffett, Berkshire Hathaway Annual Report (1985)
Too many men want to “get rich quick.” They’re on the lookout for fast money. They also want to lose weight now, to be a great golfer now, to be in management now. This obsession with “now” is a problem. In his new book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell writes that the difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is 10,000 hours. That is, those who achieve mastery have patiently practiced their craft for at least 10,000 hours — the equivalent of five years of full-time work. When people ask me why my personal finance blog is so successful, one of my responses is that I’ve worked at it 60+ hours a week for the past three years. Practice may not “make perfect,” but it certainly breeds success.

Give Generously
“Thrift does not end with itself, but extends its benefits to others. It founds hospitals, endows charities, establishes colleges, and extends educational influences.” — Samuel Smiles, Thrift (1875)
I was not raised in a culture of giving. It’s only something I’m beginning to learn in middle age. But as I read about the choices of men who have come before me, it’s clear that they have derived satisfaction (and done a lot of good) by giving generously — not just of money, but also of time and knowledge. Do not hoard the things you have. Share them so that others might profit, too.

Learning from the Average Joe
Over the past few months, I’ve enjoyed reading the real-life stories of how great men became great. But I’ve also found it enlightening to read about the experiences of the average day guy — the fellows like you and me.

One book I strongly recommend (especially considering the state of the economy) is Hard Times by Studs Terkel. Hard Times is an oral history of the Great Depression. Terkel interviewed scores of men and women about their experiences during the 1930s. Their stories are amazing, and they offer great insight about how we can live better lives today.

Go forth, my friends, and do great things.

At Get Rich Slowly, J.D. generally writes about things like how to choose a credit card and how to find the best savings account. From time-to-time, he also shares motivational articles on topics like how to build confidence and how to beat procrastination.

6 Ways To Avoid Negativity

One of our great challenges in life is to avoid negativity - a negative attitude to ourselves and others. It is easy to become suspicious, critical, depressed, fearful, but, despite the prevailing attitudes of the world there is no inevitability that we have to become a grumpy old man. It is quite possible to see the beautiful in the ordinary and bring to the fore the better side of human nature. If we avoid negativity we will see definitely see the positive in life and enjoy life much more.

Criticize Not

Criticizing others is a very pervasive bad habit we all have. Sometimes we can actually go out of our way to look for the failings and faults of others. It is as if we are blind to their good qualities but their mistakes stand out in our mind. Even worse we can often imagine faults that others might have. This is the height of stupidity, but the nature of the mind can easily turn to negativity and we have to be on guard.

It is a great exercise to try and think about the good aspects of people whom you frequently criticise. The important thing is that criticising others has an unmistakeable impact on ourselves. If we are permanently finding fault with the world it affects our self.

The world will not collapse if we halt our self styled criticism. If we look to encourage and praise the good aspects of others, we will bring these qualities to the fore in ourself.

Choosing Consciously

All the time we are faced with choices. Do I see the negative or the positive? Somebody at work might pass a thoughtless and disparaging comment. Our instinctive reaction may be to nurse a sense of grievance and think of many equally unpleasant things to say about the person in return. However, another way to look at this situation would be to think. They are unfortunately wrong, perhaps they are feeling insecure and so try to unfairly put others down. In the past there may have been times when I may have done something like that. I will make an effort to be kind to that person as this will be the best way to show they were mistaken and also to help them overcome their depressed state of mind.

The first response invites a tit for tat response which will encourage negativity. The second response is dignified and requires nobility of character. But, we lose nothing by avoiding negativity - we gain a tremendous amount. The point is we always have a choice about how we respond to situations; avoiding the negative and unpleasant just takes a conscious decision.

Self-Belief

It is vital to cultivate a sense of self-worth and self-respect. If we do not have faith in ourselves how can we have faith in anyone else? Self-belief should not be equated with arrogance or pride. We are seeking to cultivate a sense of self respect so we are at peace with ourselves. We are often our worst critic, sometimes we ignore genuine faults but worry excessively over minor issues that aren’t really faults. We need to learn from our mistakes and be honest with our weaknesses but it should not be at a cost of putting ourselves down. If we make a mistake learn to let go, don’t keep the negative memory at the forefront of your mind. If we can have a good feeling about ourselves it will be very easy to have a good feeling about others and the rest of the world.

Service

Idleness is the worst cultivator of negativity. If we sit mopping aimlessly around we will inevitable become bored and negative. Life will seem no fun. The easiest way to change our mindset is to become meaningfully busy. As we mentioned in this story about ‘helping an alcoholic’ it was only when the alcoholic helped other people that he was able to overcome his personal weaknesses. If we really want to serve others there will always be some way that we can find. If we are really busy we will not have time to criticise the world. If we don’t have work to do, we can also just take physical exercise. This is also an excellent way of shaking off the cobwebs of our mind.

Osmosis

The nature of the human mind is that it consciously or unconsciously absorbs the vibrations from around us. If we spend time with negative people, watching 24 hour news, then we will be more prone to negativity ourselves. We have to choose our work, leisure time carefully. Don’t spend too much time with the grumpy old men or gossipy old ladies. When we do spend time with negative people we need to be on our guard that we don’t share their world view.

Be young At Heart

I have already made two references to ‘grumpy old men’ this is not an ageist remark. You can be a grumpy old man when you are 20. You can be 80 years old but remain young at heart. Age is very much something of a mental attitude. We want to cultivate a childlike attitude which takes joy from small, simple, beautiful things. We want to avoid a great sophistication and mental disection of everything. If we over analyse life we are living in the mind and unable to live in the heart.

Source: Tejvan Pettinger

10 Secrets Of Happy Couples

By Mark Goulston, M.D.

Happy couples know that the real relationship begins when the honeymoon is over. They know that unless you maintain the garden of love, its beauty will wither and die. In a recent column, you discovered the 10 relationship mistakes to avoid. Now discover the 10 things that happy couples do:

1. Go to bed at the same time.
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other?
Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times.
They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests.
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong.
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel.
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day.
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner.
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Even if these actions don’t come naturally, happy couples stick with them until they do become a part of their relationship. They know that it takes
30 days for a change in behavior to become a habit, and a minimum of six months for a habit to become a way of life and love. Dr. Goulston is the co-founder of CouplesCompany.com and the author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (Putnam, 2001).

The Two-Minute Self-Hypnosis Technique

By Colin G. Smith

Psychologists and Doctors used to send their ‘impossible’ clients to him and in many instances he helped them to turn their lives around. Milton H. Erickson was one of the most successful hypnotherapists in the world and is often referred to as ‘the father of modern hypnosis.’

One of the factors that set him apart from other change workers was his strong faith in the vast potential of human beings. He knew that when a person stopped stumbling around with their conscious mind and tapped into the limitless ocean of unconscious resources, people could make wonderful changes.

He used to look at a client and say something like, ‘You’ve tried to solve this problem with your conscious mind and failed utterly. Now is the time to access your unconscious resources in a way that resolves this problem effectively.’

Now you may be wondering just how can you really induce self hypnosis in two minutes!?

Well, one of the common misconceptions about hypnosis is that you have to be able to concentrate and go into a profoundly altered state. This could be done, however what we are really interested in is accessing other areas of our mind (i.e. unconscious resources) so that we can make certain changes giving rise to our chosen outcome.

The good news is you can do this very easily and you can give it a go now with the following techniques. No need for deep trance!

Three Magic Doors

This is a classic hypnotherapy technique. I think you’ll be surprised and intrigued at what your unconscious mind conjures up.

Think of a small problem you want to change. For example perhaps there is someone you would like to get along with better

Imagine there are three closed doors in front of you: Door one is labeled, ‘usual way’, door two is labeled, ‘another person’s way’ and door three is labeled, ‘wacky way!’

In a moment you are going to imagine walking through one of those door ways and your unconscious will then present you with a solution or new creative insights.

So as you look at those doors notice which one you are drawn to. Would you prefer to solve the problem in a, ‘usual way’, ‘another person’s way’ or a ‘wacky way!’

And then just allow your unconscious to create an experience behind that door that will give rise to what is known as a ‘ah ah’ eureka moment when you walk through to the other side.

When you feel ready imagine opening the door and walking through, becoming aware of what you are presented with. What do you see, hear, smell and feel? And as you look around what is it that you haven’t noticed yet?

You may or may not know at the conscious level how this experience is going to help you, but you can if you wish ask yourself, ‘how does this experience help me?’ or ‘what new ideas, insights and perspectives does this give me?’

Whenever we are stuck it’s as if our mind is locked into a groove. We can snap out of it and gain creative solutions by accessing the unconscious regions of our mind.

There are many techniques and methods that enable us to achieve this goal such as the ‘three magic doors.’

The Wall

What is it that you’d like some help with?

Imagine a big wall in front of you.

Just allow your unconscious or the creative problem solving parts of your mind to manifest some useful insights on the other side of the wall.

When you feel ready imagine jumping up and looking over the wall. You may have to jump up a few times to gather all the new information!

Playing around with these kinds of rapid self hypnosis techniques will cause you to learn to access more areas of your mind. And as you continue to do so you will find yourself becoming more capable of solving problems creatively.

Colin G Smith is a licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and creator of The NLP Toolbox

Your Vision - Your Reality

By Peter Shepherd

A goal is a desire made specific and with a deadline. Setting and achieving
goals that fulfill your needs is essential to health and happiness. Striving
toward your goals is a statement that you are taking charge of your life, rather
than life taking charge of you.

Visualizing a goal is more important than knowing every detail or even any
details of how you will achieve it. The first step for a painter is to visualize the
end result, at least in concept; the means of achieving that result are
extremely variable - different materials and styles, for example - and some of
the steps may require learning new skills or may depend on ideas and
inspiration that the artist knows will arrive at the appropriate time - he doesn’t
worry about them not being there at the beginning. However it turns out, it will
express his feelings and spirit, and that is more than good enough.

Seeking visualized goals is a powerful, natural tendency - like the tendency of
plants to seek the light - an insistent drive that can crack the hardest granite.
If you don’t have a clear image of where you want to go, this creative urge will
be frustrated and you may experience your life as meaningless or directionless.
Then you may visualize negative goals for yourself - you may see yourself as
incompetent, ill, in pain, a failure, and your creative power will tend to make
these a reality.

The first step in goal setting is to get in touch with what you really want in life.
Something that is truly inspiring for you, so you know it is “right.” It should be
what you really, really want, regardless of “what it takes.” Not what other
people want or what they expect of you, and not something to please others -
to inspire you it must be true to your self, something that will really motivate
you.

It may be a lifetime goal or one for a year, month or week ahead. Keep it clear
and simple but don’t set out your goal in terms of generalities like “some” or
“more” - be specific! Include tangible details of time, place, facts, figures,
persons. Clarify exactly what the goal means in terms of specific changes in
your life and a specific deadline for its achievement.

The goal should be achievable - maybe out of reach, for the moment, but not
out of sight! It should also be something you believe in, that you feel is right,
that is consistent with your values.

Then envision that situation in your mind as actually happening now. Express it
as a statement of fact in the present tense, see yourself with the goal already
accomplished. What are you doing? What are your surroundings? What are
people saying to you? How are you feeling now that you have accomplished it?
Get the feeling of that achievement in your heart and celebrate! That feeling
will then stay with you and energize all your actions toward manifesting the
goal.

Here are some examples of well expressed accomplishments: “I am going on a
singles club outing once a week and meeting new people I get on really well
with [the goal to make 5 new genuine friends].” “I am swimming a mile three
times a week and I feel stronger and more alive [the goal to get fit by
swimming a mile three times a week].” “I am living comfortably within my
budget for food, clothing and entertainment; now I feel financially secure and
in control of my spending [the goal to live within my budget by three months
time].” “Bob and I are understanding each other and really loving and trusting
one another and we are having beautiful sex [the goal to improve the
communication in our relationship so that our sex life is great again].”

Don’t use negatives such as “I am not over-eating.” Think positive! Also
negative goals, or not being able to see yourself actually achieving the goal,
strongly indicate the likelihood of internal conflict taking place, in which case
you need to handle this, to identify the limiting beliefs and revise them.

For example, you might learn that you are afraid of how others will respond if
you achieve your goal, or that you are unable or unwilling at this time to
perform the necessary steps to proceed, or that the goal is really meant to
please another or match somebody else. In these cases, you first need to
thoroughly grasp and accept the conflicting viewpoints and feelings involved
and compare them to the current reality, your actual needs, and to realize any
distorted thinking taking place. Then either the goal will be clarified and the
problems drop away, or you will see that the goal is not genuine and choose
another goal.

You then also need to work out an action plan, covering the steps you need to
take in sequence to manifest your goal. What do you need to do, change,
learn, or implement, to move your life from where it is now to where you want
it to be?

To plot out your path, it is best to work backward from your vision of an
accomplished goal - that way you ensure you stay on track, that what you plan
leads to the goal and not some place else. What has to be done to enable you
to finally achieve the goal? What has to be in place? Then you just proceed
backward: what needed to be done one step earlier? Work back to the first
steps you need to take. The first steps need to be things that you know you
can do, so you can get going. Put this in writing and share your goal with those
who will support you.

As you begin to act, identify your fears, accept and release them. Identify
other things you are doing, perhaps habitually, that in fact make it difficult or
even impossible to eventually achieve your goal, and stop doing those things.

Identify and revise your limiting beliefs (including beliefs that you have been
suppressing), and shift that energy into the love you have for your vision.
As you put your first steps into reality you will find yourself acting in ways
compatible with creating your vision; ideas and resources will fall into place.
Setbacks are inevitable but you can learn from them, then re-establish your
vision and move on with greater confidence than before. Use all that you have
learned to establish and boost your self esteem - be your own greatest
supporter. With self-confidence you’ll want to stretch yourself and try new
things. And remember the reasons why you are doing what you are doing - this
will help you do whatever it takes to reach your goal, to be patient when
necessary, and to be persistent with your efforts.

It is equally important to focus also as ruthlessly and honestly as possible on
the current reality. And this is key: measure your progress from where you
started, not against how far you have to go. Each action in which you
demonstrate your competence boosts your self-esteem; each development that
you make happen boosts your morale.

By comparing your progress with the point at which you started out, you will
be encouraged to continue. Goals are achieved step by step and each step
needs to be validated - otherwise the goal may seem far away and it may feel
you are making little progress, when really you are.

Then compare your current reality and state of progress with the final vision -
the next steps will be clarified and you will be motivated to continue. This is an
improvisatory process and cannot be entirely predicted at the outset. Since
creating is improvisatory, the steps you planned to take and even the goal
itself may be revised. Now you know yourself better you may discover that you
actually want something very different from what you originally set out to get.

THE FUTURE EXISTS
FIRST IN IMAGINATION
THEN IN WILL
THEN IN REALITY

Have a great time (setting and achieving goals is the game of life).

SOURCE: Tools For Transformation

I Saw Me

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me! I don’t mean to hold you up,” he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I’ll admit to it. There have been times when walking or driving behind an older person I’ve gotten impatient and upset. I’ve huffed and zoomed around them because I was in a hurry to get nowhere. Perhaps I’m more aware of it now because I see myself there one day soon. Today I saw myself in this old man’s shoes and it caused me to slow down, stop and ask for his forgiveness.

He was about five or six people ahead of me. I was in a hurry and saw him as an obstacle. I’ve seen people get off the end of an escalator and stop dead in their tracks, gather their things and suddenly there’s a pile up of angry people behind them. You can’t stop an escalator full of people behind you. Like the Energizer bunny, they keep on goin’.

This man was well aware of the challenge. He tried desperately to step aside. Fumbling with his small packages, struggling to gain his footing, you could see how troubling this was for him. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me! I don’t mean to hold you up,” he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I suddenly saw this in a whole new light. It was like I was watching my future. I felt sorry for him. I felt sick to my stomach because this man was apologizing to everyone, when we should have been helping him and calming his fears.

One by one, people zipped around him. I heard a few angry comments whispered as one lady passed by him.

I saw me.

By the time I got to him he was just about steady on his feet.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know there was more,” he said.

“No, sir. No more with me,” I said. This really hit me hard. I realized right then how sad it was that the world was in such a hurry. That, of course, included me. But…no more with me. Count me out.

This wonderful man paid his dues. For whatever time he had spent on this earth, he most likely walked many rough roads and too many important miles. Now he should be apologizing for moving slower?

My heart ached as I looked into his eyes. I wished that I could see what he had seen all those years. His face weathered from life itself, was creased and wrinkled. The small soft pockets under his eyes and the gentle lines that curved up and around them told me he had many happy moments, too. Those were traces left behind from laughter and a smiling, happy man.

“My friend, can I help you with those things?” I asked.

Hesitant at first, he finally said, “Well, yes, thank you!”

I placed my hand under his left arm and walked with him a safe distance away from the rush of people.

“So what are you shopping for, sir?”

“Oh, just a little something for my neighbor. She’s a young mother raising kids on her own. She’s always so nice to me. I thought a box of candy for Mother’s Day…” he said, stopping suddenly as he searched his inside pocket of his sport coat.

“Do you need something?” I asked.

“Oh, no. Here. I think I have it right here. I always carry them with me,” he said. Then pulling out a hand full of papers he shuffled through them and handed me a business card that read:

“John A. Pomicter Friend to all…enemy to no one! I said a prayer today and you were the answer. Thank you!”

“That’s for you,” he said. “Thanks for stopping to help an old man.”

“My friend, you helped me. I discovered that I was unhappy with the world and I was part of the problem. Now I’ll be part of the solution. No more with me!”

“Then this was meant to be,” he said smiling.

“You know God sends me gifts every day and always at least one special person. You were my gift for today! Let’s go get some chocolates, my friend.”

From Author Unknown

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