Realizing Our Dreams
Posted on February 29, 2008 | Category: Beliefs, Better Living, Fear, Happiness, Power, Purpose, Self Improvement
Mark Jones and Dr. Patricia Collette have written an e-book that assist individuals in achieving greater success and fulfillment in their lives. One chapter in particular addresses the idea that it’s because of our beliefs that we are causing or allowing our unique experiences in life. A pretty good read….
Most of us have learned to look outside of ourselves for the cause of the experiences that we don’t like. So it may seem difficult at first to entertain the idea that it’s because of our beliefs that we are causing or allowing our unique experiences in life. However, by finding and changing some of the limiting beliefs that are causing us to create or allow undesired experiences, we can gain assurance.
Fortunately, life gives us ample feedback from several sources. The primary source is what we actually experience. Experience functions as a mirror. We not only create or allow what we experience through our beliefs, but we also view experience through their lenses. On hearing a compliment about something he has done, a person with confident beliefs about himself is likely to accept this as a sincere acknowledgment. Someone who lacks confident beliefs might see or interpret it as an insincere “buttering up” to get or gain something, or an outright lie.
We also get continual feedback from our bodies and emotions. When we live our lives with negative or limiting beliefs, we get feedback from our body in the form of pains, aches, illnesses, lack of energy, etc.; and from our emotions; undesired feelings such as anxiety, depression, apathy, anger, grief, etc. These can provide some of the valuable clues we need to find our limiting beliefs. (Refer to appendices H, I, and K for more specifics on how these relate to our limiting beliefs.) As we identify some of them, our next step is to change them to positive ones in our subconscious minds.
For example, upper back problems are often symptoms of feeling a lack of support or love. Limiting beliefs might be that “I am unlovable,” “I don’t deserve love,” or “Loving is dangerous,” etc. Then, by entering the subconscious and changing these to “I am lovable,” “I deserve love,” and “loving is safe,” the cause and symptoms may be relieved. Of course physical difficulties may have advanced to a stage where recovery will take time, and the relief may not become apparent at once. The difficulty may also be at a stage where medical treatment is needed, and if so, such treatment should be sought. As an analogy, our house may be burning as a consequence of having limited beliefs that caused the probability of some form of destruction to become high; but at this point, our most urgent action to save it would be to call the fire department.
An anxiety problem is often a symptom of fear, and limiting beliefs which could be causing it are “I am powerless,” “I can’t trust myself,” or “I am helpless.” etc. By changing these in the subconscious to “I am powerful,” “I can trust myself” and “I am self reliant,” the fear and anxiety should be alleviated. It’s quite likely that other limiting beliefs making up the set causing anxiety will also need to be found and changed, for there may be several contributing factors.
In doing the focused observation and detective work to spot our limiting beliefs, we must bypass the tendency so many people have to place the responsibility elsewhere, i.e. to blame others, fate, or outside circumstances as the cause of our undesired experiences. Obviously, others do play a part in our experiences, but our vibrations attract certain people and through resonance, activate particular qualities in them, as well as creating environmental circumstances. Thus we set up the probability of having the unique experiences we have, and through our vibrations, of attracting others to play roles.
RECOGNIZING LIMITING BELIEFS ABOUT CHANGING
Unfortunately, we are likely to have some beliefs that limit the changes we allow ourselves to make. Change brings about different conditions in our lives, and we may have doubts about whether a change will really make us happier. We may be concerned that as we change we will affect the people close to us in different ways, and they may have trouble accepting the changes in us. We may be apprehensive that changing might lead to disaster, or that if we change we will fail. For some people, change seems to threaten their very existence; perhaps by threatening to expose their excuses or the unhealthy or dysfunctional roles they have adopted as a way of handling life, or to keep from getting hurt.
Some typical excuses and concerns are:
a. I have to control everything in my life, (by intimidation or by being weak.)
b. If I change I might be lonely, and I don’t want to risk it.
c. It might involve becoming more intimate and having to expose my shallowness, vulnerability, etc.
d. Change might expose my shame for what I have done or for just being who and what I am.
e. I might have to stop being self-obsessed.
f. I might have to give up self-pity and stop being a martyr.
g. I don’t or won’t deserve anything better.
Obviously, in order to change, you need to find and change your limiting beliefs regarding making changes. You may find in reading this that some of these forms of resistance apply to you. If so, make a note of them so that when you come to the chapter on how to find and change limiting beliefs, you can make these the first ones to change. Otherwise, they will stand in the way of you making the other changes that you want to make.
DEVELOPING A NEW WAY OF LOOKING AT EXPERIENCES
To find our limiting beliefs, we need to adopt a new way of looking at our experiences. Sometimes, to make the search less personal, it may help to get a stuffed doll or animal and use it as a substitute for yourself, a representation to whom to ask questions. Keep in mind that those limiting beliefs from which we create vibrations and unwelcomed experiences are in our subconscious. These are not necessarily logical and sometimes not even ones we can consciously imagine having. So we have to be open and imaginative in looking for them. Also, since beliefs are stored in sets or systems, there may be several linked beliefs which contribute to the particular vibrations leading to undesired experiences. It’s important to find and change as many in the set or system as possible, so even if some beliefs seem similar, make note of each one that comes to mind.
IDENTIFY THE AREAS OF UNDESIRED EXPERIENCES & LIMITING BELIEFS
To find one’s limiting beliefs, first identify the areas in which you have had some patterns of undesired experiences that you’d like to change. These are likely to have common characteristics. Here are some examples to which you might add some of your own:
Feeling anxious or fearful in certain life situations.
Feeling upset with people in particular relationships or circumstances.
Feeling let down or betrayed by others.
Experiencing a lack of success or recognition for your efforts in certain areas of your life.
Feeling purposeless or lacking motivation.
Encountering financial difficulties.
Having problems in relationships for which you may blame your mate or others.
Experiencing a lack of creativity or its expression.
Encountering learning difficulties.
Resisting change or feeling threatened by it.
Being unable to be as successful as one desires.
Experiencing ill health.
Once an area has been identified, then pose questions to yourself or your substitute such as, “What would someone (or the name of the stuffed animal) have to believe, particularly about himself, to be creating or allowing this type of undesired experience?”
“What inner conflicts might someone have that would cause that person to create this type of undesired experience?”
Always look for the most basic beliefs possible. These may lie at a deeper level than those which come to mind at first. For example, a person who has a belief that he is not able or competent in an area, or isn’t succeeding, might have beliefs of the type “I have no choice but to work in this area or field,” “I can’t trust myself,” “I’m stupid,” “I never do anything right,” “I’m irresponsible,” “I’m powerless,” “Whatever I do it will turn out to be wrong,” “I’m bad or evil,” “I’m a failure,” “No matter how hard I try, it never works out,” “Nothing comes easy,” “I have to ‘knock myself out’ to get anything done,” “I’m a misfit,” “I’m bad,” “I deserve punishment,” “I always gum things up.”
USING BLAME AS A LEAD FOR FINDING LIMITING BELIEFS
What a person blames another for provides useful clues regarding his limiting beliefs. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu stated in about 600 B.C:
Having what is called insight.
A good man, before he can help a bad man,
Finds in himself the matter with the bad man,
And whichever teacher
Discounts the lesson
Is as far off the road as the other,
Whatever else he may know.
Blaming is almost invariably a projection of a person’s limiting beliefs, particularly ones about himself, on to others or external factors. You can start by asking yourself, or the person whom you are assisting, “Regarding this experience, what am I blaming others for?” Then take the answers to this question and ask, “What aspect of what I am blaming others for may lie in me?” “In what ways might I be doing this to others or to myself?” “What would my underlying beliefs be, particularly about myself for me to do this?”
An example of applying this might come up when working with a wife who is having trouble in her relationship with her husband. She complains that he never listens to her. She could be asked; “What would someone have to believe about themselves for someone to not listen to them?” Then, write down any limiting beliefs that she comes up with. If some form of prompting seems needed, ask questions such as: “Might she believe that she is shallow, or boring, or has nothing interesting to say, is just an idle gossip, that she should be seen but not heard, etc.” Always come back to identifying what her basic beliefs might be, particularly ones she has about herself.
What a husband or wife blames the other for is almost always a reflection of the blamer’s limiting beliefs. So returning to our example of the wife, ask other questions to help her find additional limiting beliefs such as: “Who or what are you not listening to?” “To what inner signals from your emotions or body are you not listening?” “What intuitional messages are you disregarding?” “What aspirations are you ignoring?”
IDENTIFYING THE LACK OF PURPOSE AND ASPIRATIONS
An underlying and common element in individuals who are creating undesired experiences is a lack of purpose or excitement in life. We could say that these individuals are not in communication with their inner or higher selves i.e. that aspect of their being that operates at a non-physical, vibratory level. It directly effects the experiences in their daily lives. From that level aspirations evolve from the dimensions of thought and feeling into physical reality. If aspirations are not recognized, expressed and acted upon, a person is not likely to feel ‘centered’ and in harmony within himself. Instead, he will create negative or amorphous vibrations. When these vibrations exist, they are likely to produce experiences that the person doesn’t want. Not having one’s aspirations defined can be explored by asking questions such as, “What beliefs would someone be likely to have to not recognize his aspirations? These might be aspirations to be a person with certain abilities, or qualities such as good character, positive principles, integrity, trust, creativity in various areas, generosity, imagination, enthusiasm for life and involvement in life, commitment, love, empathy, depth of feeling, gratitude, forgiveness, etc. What beliefs might he have that would inhibit him from aspiring to and developing these qualities as fully as he might like to?”
“These might be aspirations to do certain things, like changing conditions, writing, teaching, selling, managing, directing, engaging in sports, etc. What beliefs might he have that would inhibit him from aspiring to and doing these things?”
“These might be aspirations to have certain things like facilities, equipment, housing, etc. What beliefs might he have that would inhibit him from aspiring to have and getting these things?”
One could also ask, “What have you dreamed or imagined being, doing or having that you rejected, or for which you allowed other’s attitudes to discourage you?” Identify what occurred and express the feelings you had. Then, ask, “What beliefs might someone have that would cause them to reject or not pursue their dreams?” If prompting seemed necessary, questions such as, “Might they believe they were unworthy or not deserving, that they were bad or evil, that they were of no importance, that their dreams are unreal, the future is dangerous, etc.”
It could also be helpful to ask what beliefs that he might have which would prevent him from being in communication with his inner or higher self?
PROCEDURE FOR FINDING LIMITING BELIEFS CAUSING ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND HEALTH PROBLEMS
If you or a person with whom you are working is experiencing anxieties or depression, for reasons other than specific medical problems, the underlying beliefs are often ones such as: I lack self confidence and/or self trust, self worth, a sense of identity, or I am powerless, I can’t express my anger, I’m not deserving, I’m untrustworthy, I’m bad, I’m evil, I have to be in control but I’m not, I can’t trust, or even such beliefs as that I wouldn’t exist if I didn’t achieve such and such, or I’m nothing. If you or the person you are guiding has difficulty finding the basic beliefs which might be causing anxiety and/or depression, beliefs of this type may lay at the root. If they do, get a statement of the positive belief and change the limiting beliefs to positive ones. See Appendix H, I and K for additional questions.
When you or the person with whom you are working has health problems, a very useful reference is the excellent book, by Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life. In it she helps to relate symptoms for various maladies to the possible limiting beliefs. For example, Louise suggests that a person with asthma might examine probable causes such as: “Smothering love; inability to breath for one’s self; feeling stifled or suppressed crying.” Questions which might assist an asthmatic in finding his limiting beliefs might begin with: “What are your beliefs about love?” “Is it safe to give or to receive love?”
“Are there dangers in loving?” “Do you deserve love?” “Do you feel trapped by love?” “Are you afraid of being smothered by or smothering another with love?”
Regarding the issue of “inability to breathe for one’s self,” you could ask, “What would someone have to believe to not be able to breathe for oneself, breathe in a wider context; a taking in and giving out of life. You might suggest: “Might the person believe that he is powerless?” “That he can’t sustain himself in life?” You can ask if the person believes that he is weak or ineffective; can’t trust or depend on himself; that he is vulnerable, that it’s dangerous to take in things, etc.
For the third possible cause suggested by Louise, “feeling stifled,” one could begin by asking, “What would a person have to believe to feel stifled?” You could explore issues such as self trust, lack of ability, or beliefs that what he has to offer isn’t good enough, or that he is unable, isn’t creative, that he creates bad effects, is bad or evil, is unworthy, or that expression is dangerous, or might lead to exposure or embarrassment, etc.
From the fourth possible cause which Louise lists for asthma, suppressed crying, you could ask, “What would a person have to believe, particularly about himself to suppress crying?” After getting all of the answers that are readily available on this question, you might prompt further exploration by asking, “Might he-have a belief that he is powerless, helpless, weak or a victim?” “Could the person believe that emotions or expressing them is dangerous?” “Might the person believe that he is bad, has done something bad or deserves to be punished.”
Again, in suggesting possible beliefs, it can be helpful to use a stuffed animal or doll surrogate with a common name such as Sam or Lisa. Some people may take probing questions as accusative or evaluative, and become defensive, so a question such as “What would Sam or Lisa have to believe to suppress crying,” might be less threatening for the client, or less introverting to oneself.
by Mark Jones and Dr. Patricia Collette
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