Ever Wonder About That Voice In Your Head?

The a little voice in your head that warns you not to do something you were just about to do is real, brain researchers say.

Well, maybe not the voice. But researchers now say last-minute second thoughts come from a specific part of the brain.

A different area of the brain allows us to act voluntarily. That’s free will. This is “free won’t,” suggest Marcel Brass, PhD of Germany’s Max Planck Institute and Patrick Haggard, PhD, of England’s University College London.

“Many people recognize the ‘little voice inside the head’ that stops you from doing something, like pressing the ’send’ button on an angry email,” Haggard says in a news release. “Our study identifies the brain processes involved in that last-minute rethink about what we are doing.”

Brass and Haggard find that a brain region just above and between your eyes — the dorsal fronto-median cortex or dFMC — is specifically designed to let you pull back from doing something you were just about to do.

University of Pennsylvania researcher Martha Farah, PhD, says the findings have major implications. Farah was not involved in the study.

“It is very important to identify the circuits that enable ‘free won’t’ because of the many psychiatric disorders for which self-control problems figure prominently — from attention deficit disorder to substance dependence and various personality disorders,” Farah says in a news release.

In their study, Brass and Haggard hooked up 15 healthy young adults to functional MRI machines that did real-time scans of their brain activity. The participants were asked to decide to push a button at times of their own choosing. Some of the time the participants were asked to decide at the last minute not to push the button.

Brain scans taken when the participants actually pushed the button were different from those taken when the subjects restrained themselves from pushing the button.

This self-control came at a cost. The subjects reported feeling frustrated when they did not push the button as they had intended to do. That fit with their brain scans; a part of the brain linked to feelings of frustration (the anterior ventral insula) lit up along with the dFMC “free-won’t” brain region.

Interestingly, some of the study participants were less likely to refrain from pushing the button than others. These subjects had relatively weak dFMC activity, while those with better self-control had stronger dFMC activity.

“This could be a factor in why some individuals are impulsive, while others are reluctant to act,” Haggard says.

Brass and Haggard report their findings in the Aug. 22 issue of the Journal of Neuroscience.

Why Being Rich And Handsome Is Not Enough

Many women claim their ideal mate is handsome and financially successful, but as it turns out, a high income may actually diminish a stunning man’s appeal.

Although facial attractiveness signifies strong genes and high socioeconomic status implies an ability to provide for a family, women may avoid picking long-term partners who possess both traits together, according to a recent paper in Personality and Individual Differences.

Female participants were asked to rate photos of attractive, average, and unattractive males based on their appeal as lifelong companions. Personal ads suggesting high, medium, or low levels of wealth accompanied the photos. Although researchers predicted that those in the attractive, well-off group would receive the top ratings, women preferred the good-looking guys of medium, rather than high, financial standing.

The study’s authors suggest that women are wary of entering into partnerships with eye-catching men of means because these guys are likely to be desired by other females, which may increase the likelihood they’ll be unfaithful.

So should hunks climbing the corporate ladder despair of meeting a mate? Lead researcher Simon Chu says no. “Partners of highly attractive, high-status men may just need a little more reassurance than the partners of other guys.”

A Bad Idea: Affairs In The Workplace

I don’t know if it goes without saying, but I’ve read office romances are common place in offices around the world. According to several recent studies, about 80 percent of employees have either observed or been in a romantic relationship at their workplace and it’s the number one place for married people who engage in infidelity to meet the other person.

Having said that, this one doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out. Check out the video:

VideoJug: Romantic Affairs In The Workplace

Proof Subliminal Suggestion Works?

Check out this six minute video. Subtle subliminal suggestions are supposedly used to guide the creative ideas of two top advertising designers as they create a new ad campaign from their own imaginations. Or do they?

You’ll probably grin a bit by the conclusion - the last thirty seconds or so - but it does raise some questions about how easily we’re influenced in every area of our lives, and perhaps question the nature of creativity and where ideas really come from.

Does Your Subconscious Mind Control How You Behave?

In a recent experiment, psychologists at Yale altered people’s judgments of a stranger by handing them a cup of coffee.

The study participants, college students, had no idea that their social instincts were being deliberately manipulated. On the way to the laboratory, they had bumped into a laboratory assistant, who was holding textbooks, a clipboard, papers and a cup of hot or iced coffee — and asked for a hand with the cup.

That was all it took: The students who held a cup of iced coffee rated a hypothetical person they later read about as being much colder, less social and more selfish than did their fellow students, who had momentarily held a cup of hot java.

Findings like this one, as improbable as they seem, have poured forth in psychological research over the last few years. New studies have found that people tidy up more thoroughly when there’s a faint tang of cleaning liquid in the air; they become more competitive if there’s a briefcase in sight, or more cooperative if they glimpse words like “dependable” and “support” — all without being aware of the change, or what prompted it.

Psychologists say that “priming” people in this way is not some form of hypnotism, or even subliminal seduction; rather, it’s a demonstration of how everyday sights, smells and sounds can selectively activate goals or motives that people already have.

More fundamentally, the new studies reveal a subconscious brain that is far more active, purposeful and independent than previously known. Goals, whether to eat, mate or devour an iced latte, are like neural software programs that can only be run one at a time, and the unconscious is perfectly capable of running the program it chooses.

The give and take between these unconscious choices and our rational, conscious aims can help explain some of the more mystifying realities of behavior, like how we can be generous one moment and petty the next, or act rudely at a dinner party when convinced we are emanating charm.

“When it comes to our behavior from moment to moment, the big question is, ‘What to do next?’ ” said John A. Bargh, a professor of psychology at Yale and a co-author, with Lawrence Williams, of the coffee study, which was presented at a recent psychology conference. “Well, we’re finding that we have these unconscious behavioral guidance systems that are continually furnishing suggestions through the day about what to do next, and the brain is considering and often acting on those, all before conscious awareness.”

Dr. Bargh added: “Sometimes those goals are in line with our conscious intentions and purposes, and sometimes they’re not.”

Priming the Unconscious

The idea of subliminal influence has a mixed reputation among scientists because of a history of advertising hype and apparent fraud. In 1957, an ad man named James Vicary claimed to have increased sales of Coca-Cola and popcorn at a movie theater in Fort Lee, N.J., by secretly flashing the words “Eat popcorn” and “Drink Coke” during the film, too quickly to be consciously noticed. But advertisers and regulators doubted his story from the beginning, and in a 1962 interview, Mr. Vicary acknowledged that he had trumped up the findings to gain attention for his business.

Later studies of products promising subliminal improvement, for things like memory and self-esteem, found no effect.

Some scientists also caution against overstating the implications of the latest research on priming unconscious goals. The new research “doesn’t prove that consciousness never does anything,” wrote Roy Baumeister, a professor of psychology at Florida State University, in an e-mail message. “It’s rather like showing you can hot-wire a car to start the ignition without keys. That’s important and potentially useful information, but it doesn’t prove that keys don’t exist or that keys are useless.”

Yet he and most in the field now agree that the evidence for psychological hot-wiring has become overwhelming. In one 2004 experiment, psychologists led by Aaron Kay, then at Stanford University and now at the University of Waterloo, had students take part in a one-on-one investment game with another, unseen player.

Half the students played while sitting at a large table, at the other end of which was a briefcase and a black leather portfolio. These students were far stingier with their money than the others, who played in an identical room, but with a backpack on the table instead.

The mere presence of the briefcase, noticed but not consciously registered, generated business-related associations and expectations, the authors argue, leading the brain to run the most appropriate goal program: compete. The students had no sense of whether they had acted selfishly or generously.

In another experiment, published in 2005, Dutch psychologists had undergraduates sit in a cubicle and fill out a questionnaire. Hidden in the room was a bucket of water with a splash of citrus-scented cleaning fluid, giving off a faint odor. After completing the questionnaire, the young men and women had a snack, a crumbly biscuit provided by laboratory staff members.

The researchers covertly filmed the snack time and found that these students cleared away crumbs three times more often than a comparison group, who had taken the same questionnaire in a room with no cleaning scent. “That is a very big effect, and they really had no idea they were doing it,” said Henk Aarts, a psychologist at Utrecht University and the senior author of the study.

The Same Brain Circuits

The real-world evidence for these unconscious effects is clear to anyone who has ever run out to the car to avoid the rain and ended up driving too fast, or rushed off to pick up dry cleaning and returned with wine and cigarettes — but no pressed slacks.

The brain appears to use the very same neural circuits to execute an unconscious act as it does a conscious one. In a study that appeared in the journal Science in May, a team of English and French neuroscientists performed brain imaging on 18 men and women who were playing a computer game for money. The players held a handgrip and were told that the tighter they squeezed when an image of money flashed on the screen, the more of the loot they could keep.

As expected, the players squeezed harder when the image of a British pound flashed by than when the image of a penny did — regardless of whether they consciously perceived the pictures, many of which flew by subliminally. But the circuits activated in their brains were similar as well: an area called the ventral pallidum was particularly active whenever the participants responded.

“This area is located in what used to be called the reptilian brain, well below the conscious areas of the brain,” said the study’s senior author, Chris Frith, a professor in neuropsychology at University College London who wrote the book “Making Up The Mind: How the Brain Creates our Mental World.”

The results suggest a “bottom-up” decision-making process, in which the ventral pallidum is part of a circuit that first weighs the reward and decides, then interacts with the higher-level, conscious regions later, if at all, Dr. Frith said.

Scientists have spent years trying to pinpoint the exact neural regions that support conscious awareness, so far in vain. But there’s little doubt it involves the prefrontal cortex, the thin outer layer of brain tissue behind the forehead, and experiments like this one show that it can be one of the last neural areas to know when a decision is made.

This bottom-up order makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. The subcortical areas of the brain evolved first and would have had to help individuals fight, flee and scavenge well before conscious, distinctly human layers were added later in evolutionary history. In this sense, Dr. Bargh argues, unconscious goals can be seen as open-ended, adaptive agents acting on behalf of the broad, genetically encoded aims — automatic survival systems.

In several studies, researchers have also shown that, once covertly activated, an unconscious goal persists with the same determination that is evident in our conscious pursuits. Study participants primed to be cooperative are assiduous in their teamwork, for instance, helping others and sharing resources in games that last 20 minutes or longer. Ditto for those set up to be aggressive.

This may help explain how someone can show up at a party in good spirits and then for some unknown reason — the host’s loafers? the family portrait on the wall? some political comment? — turn a little sour, without realizing the change until later, when a friend remarks on it. “I was rude? Really? When?”

Mark Schaller, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia, in Vancouver, has done research showing that when self-protective instincts are primed — simply by turning down the lights in a room, for instance — white people who are normally tolerant become unconsciously more likely to detect hostility in the faces of black men with neutral expressions.

“Sometimes nonconscious effects can be bigger in sheer magnitude than conscious ones,” Dr. Schaller said, “because we can’t moderate stuff we don’t have conscious access to, and the goal stays active.”

Until it is satisfied, that is, when the program is subsequently suppressed, research suggests. In one 2006 study, for instance, researchers had Northwestern University undergraduates recall an unethical deed from their past, like betraying a friend, or a virtuous one, like returning lost property. Afterward, the students had their choice of a gift, an antiseptic wipe or a pencil; and those who had recalled bad behavior were twice as likely as the others to take the wipe. They had been primed to psychologically “cleanse” their consciences.

Once their hands were wiped, the students became less likely to agree to volunteer their time to help with a graduate school project. Their hands were clean: the unconscious goal had been satisfied and now was being suppressed, the findings suggest.

What You Don’t Know

Using subtle cues for self-improvement is something like trying to tickle yourself, Dr. Bargh said: priming doesn’t work if you’re aware of it. Manipulating others, while possible, is dicey. “We know that as soon as people feel they’re being manipulated, they do the opposite; it backfires,” he said.

And researchers do not yet know how or when, exactly, unconscious drives may suddenly become conscious; or under which circumstances people are able to override hidden urges by force of will. Millions have quit smoking, for instance, and uncounted numbers have resisted darker urges to misbehave that they don’t even fully understand.

Yet the new research on priming makes it clear that we are not alone in our own consciousness. We have company, an invisible partner who has strong reactions about the world that don’t always agree with our own, but whose instincts, these studies clearly show, are at least as likely to be helpful, and attentive to others, as they are to be disruptive.

By Benedict Carey, Source: New York Times

The Illusion Of Money

The other day, a friend and I were talking about the concept of money and the fuss around acquiring all that we could. The discussion centered around the need for money. Why is it, that some can never have enough?

It was then I thought about the old adage, money can’t buy happiness, as just that - old. Do individuals want to buy happiness ? I think it’s probably more along the lines of buying that one driving trait of all humans - security, feeling secure in life.

“Happiness will follow once I have security. For now.. just give me some relief of insecurity. Security from fear. Fear of loss, fear of hunger, fear of poverty, fear of hurt. ”

“If someone can’t offer me love, then at least give me freedom from the fear of loss. If I had all the money I needed, I would be free of the insecurities of life… I’ll always be able to pay the bills, live in a nice home, travel when I want. It may be lonely, but whats worse than being lonely? How about being lonely and without any money.. or security?”

It’s an illusion.

People use money as a security blanket in the false belief that a fat bank account will ensure a perpetual source of security. But how many times do we hear of millionaires who’ve won and lost. Many times, people use money as a way of not forming deep, fulfilling relationships since they can get they’re primary source of security through dollars. It’s easier to trust the Benjamin’s than it is another individual.

Dollars are black and white, can be manipulated, budgeted, buy physical comfort, provide freedom, won’t ask questions, is indiscriminate and in large amounts, fulfills (and sometimes masks) deep feelings of insecurity.

The biggest reason people become obsessed with the pursuit of money, is the ability to feel secure. The only reason we put up with the mundane careers we’ve developed is to provide security for our families and pay the bills. Then once we have enough, we quit our jobs to do what it is we really want to do.

A lot of brave souls have figured out it’s not about money at all and forge ahead with the pursuit of happiness regardless of what is in they’re bank account.

They drive over the cliff with an unshakable determination, convinced of they’re success simply knowing they will be succeed because they’re doing what they love to do.

Money is neither good or bad. It just is. Lack of money cannot stop someone who wants to pursue they’re passion. It’s all about abandoning the false belief that money provides security. It doesn’t. Many a dream have been crushed regardless of the amount of dollars invested.

If there is one thing that makes any dream successful, it is trust. Trusting your intelligence and intuition in the pursuit of your passion.

There are no guarantees in life, except death… oh yeah, and taxes. There is no security in life except the belief in your success. Making your success dependent on money is a losing formula. Money is the result of success, which is the result of happiness. Money is the end result, not the cause of a fulfilling life.

By making money a requirement for security in life, you will never fulfill your need. There will never be enough. Abandon the idea that you need security as your sanctuary. You don’t.

Just my 2 cents, no pun intended.

Written by Robert Hunt

How Smart Are You?

Not sure if this quick test qualifies as an assessment of intelligence, but interesting nonetheless.

Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count the F’s in the sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE.
Do not go back and count them again. Then see below:

There are 6 F’s in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds 3 of them. If you spotted 4, you’re above average. To see 5 is rare. If you caught 6, you are a genius. There is no catch. Most people forget the OFs. The human brain tends to see them as Vs instead of F’s.

Are You A Writer?

Most famous writers claim that they always knew they would be a writer when they grew up. Despite set-backs and struggle, they had confidence in their own innate talent and creative instincts.

But not all writers have that rock-solid confidence (or, as it’s known in the writing business, “arrogance”). How do you know if you’re truly cut out for the life of a novelist or if you’re actually some sad wannabe who’s pitied by friends and family?

Just take the Clarke Patented “Am I Really a Writer?” multiple-choice test below and find out once and for all if you’ve got what it takes!

THE CLARKE PATENTED “AM I REALLY A WRITER?” TEST
(Asking your writing group, tutor, or best friend to help you fill out this test is cheating. So is asking a writer to do it for you, such as Margaret Atwood.)

A. I think I’m a writer because:
1. I enjoy writing
2. I enjoy reading
3. I enjoy typing
4. I enjoy knowing that I am a creative being

B. I tend to get my ideas from:
1. the world around me
2. the fantasies within me
3. the TV in front of me
4. the concept of “idea” is so, you know, anal retentive

C. I try to write:
1. one sustained period a day
2. one sustained period whenever inspiration strikes me
3. you mean I actually have to write something all the time?
4. only when it won’t violate my imaginative flow

D. I believe that adjectives and adverbs:
1. should be used sparingly
2. should be used vigorously, fulsomely, and without stint
3. are what, exactly?
4. are pathetic attempts to limit my creative energy

E. I structure my novel-in-progress by:
1. writing to a prepared plot outline
2. writing according to how the story seems to be telling itself
3. writing whatever comes into my head from moment to moment
4. how mundane actually to have a “novel-in-progress”; I have a concept

F. I achieve the self-discipline to write by:
1. forcing myself to work whether I’m in the mood or not
2. letting guilt finally force me to do something, anything
3. jotting down half a page now and again and rewarding myself with
ice cream
4. self-discipline is the enemy of creativity

G. I deal with difficult, blocked or “dry” periods by:
1. working on something else to retain good writing habits
2. panicking and bingeing
3. wondering if I shouldn’t take up decoy carving instead
4. only real writers are really blocked

H. I strive to make my work:
1. as good as it can be by rewriting and polishing
2. as good as that first true inspiration will allow it to be
3. as unembarrassing as I can before going to my writing group;
they’re really mean
4. as unintrusive in my creative life as possible

I. I approach the task of finding an agent or publisher by:
1. researching the market thoroughly and learning how to make a
professional submission
2. sending my manuscript and a very nice letter to my writing tutor’s
publisher
3. sending my manuscript to the publishers of the latest best-seller
4. they’ll be knocking on my door begging me for my manuscript

J. I accept rejection slips:
1. with a pang, then move to the next submission
2. with a little sigh: I secretly knew it was no good
3. with a howl of unbelieving rage: ignorant jackasses, don’t they know
true talent when…
4. I’m too sensitive to put myself through such a negative experience

K. I see myself in the future:
1. finding satisfaction in writing novels my readers enjoy
2. becoming a rich and famous best-seller and appearing on TV
3. winning the Pulitzer, the Booker, and the Nobel Prize for Literature
4. being the most famous person on the planet. Hey, in the universe.

L. I want to write because:
1. I have characters and stories bursting to come to life
2. I like the idea of having a book published
3. I like the idea of being a writer
4. I didn’t say I wanted to write, just that I know I’m a writer, and
this is a dumb test, anyway

How to score this test:
Count up the numbers of the answers you have selected. If you have a total of:
12-16: You seem to have what it takes. I’ll see you in print one day.
17-25: Time to get serious. Take one giant step into a professional attitude.
26-35: What a dweeb. Quit dreaming and get a life.
36-48: Jerk extraordinaire! Out of my sight, thou posturing ninny!

Having taken the Clarke’s Patented “Am I Really a Writer?” Test, you know if you are a real writer or not. If you are, congratulations! If you aren’t, contact me for some useful websites on needlework, photography or windsurfing.

But seriously, folks: the basic test of whether someone is a real writer or not is if they really write. There’s no magic to it. Either you write or you don’t. It’s that simple.

Copyright 1999 Caro Clarke

The Weight Loss Bull Crap Game (El Toro Ca Ca)

Conventional thinking tells us that losing weight is essentially a physiological process; lift this, run there, stretch that, get your heart rate up, decrease your calorie intake, no carbs after three (crapola) and increase your energy expenditure. Mostly good advice.

And traditional approaches (by the medical profession and the fitness industry) tell us that weight loss is essentially about three key variables; exercise, food and lifestyle. Oh yeah, and more education. And to a point, they are right. But only to a point.

I’m here to tell you that while exercise, food, lifestyle and education are indeed important variables in the process, without doubt, the biggest determinant of weight loss (or gain) is what’s going on in that nine pound (four kilo) thing sitting on the top of our shoulders.

Yet the psychology of weight loss is rarely discussed (in any depth) by the ‘experts’. And in my humble opinion, that’s because many of them don’t get it. It.. being the head stuff that goes with the body stuff.

If you have been, or are currently, overweight, then you absolutely know that losing weight is first and foremost a psychological and emotional process. I was a fatty (200lbs, 90kgs at fourteen)… and when I got my head in the right place, my body followed. I thought different, chose different(ly) and created different.

Q. What really determines weight loss (or gain)?
A. Attitude, thinking, self-control, mind-set and ultimately, decisions.

We know what to do.
But we don’t do what we know.
We’ve never been more educated.
Yet we’ve never been fatter.
We’ve never had more resources.
And we’ve never made more excuses (heard them all).
We’ve never had more reasons to lose weight.
And we’ve never wasted more time.

But people don’t wanna hear this message because it’s too fundamental and obvious.
And it requires real effort, sacrifice, work and self-control.
No, we’d rather talk about weight-loss theory number ten million or the latest ‘breakthrough’ pill, powder, potion, product, gizmo or gadget.
Or that amazing new weight-loss book.
‘Cause we need another one of those.

We want quick, easy, convenient and painless.
We are soft.
We are precious, lazy and lack self-control.
We are the quick-fix society.
And the instant-gratification generation.
And the fat generation.

We want an answer that doesn’t require effort or sacrifice on our part.
And it is this mentality which keeps us (us, the society) fat.

If the answer to Global obesity was in fact, more education, information or resources, then we would all be getting leaner by the day because we’ve never been more educated, informed or equipped when it comes to diet, exercise, lifestyle and all that ‘obesity-related stuff’.

Here’s some random food for thought … on obesity.

1. External change needs to be accompanied (or preceded) by, internal change (for it to be lasting).

2. Most people who lose weight regain it (over 95%) because they haven’t really changed their attitude or thinking. They change their behaviors for a while but deep (deep, deep) down they haven’t really changed their core thinking, beliefs, attitudes or standards. On a subconscious level many people are waiting for it (the diet, the fitness kick) to be over.. so they can go back to being ‘normal’.
And when they do eat less and exercise more they (often) slide into a deprivation mentality… constantly telling themselves that they’re ‘missing out’.

3. If we tell ourselves that it will be a painful, horrible process… it will be (for everyone).
Attitude = outcome.

4. The sooner we stop looking for easy and start looking for effective… the sooner we’ll start to see real (forever) change.

5. Weight-loss martyrs are a pain in the ass… “I’ve been so good… I’ve been so good.”

6. While food, exercise and lifestyle are important ingredients in the weight-loss process… it is our head which determines how we eat, exercise and live.
Which in turn determines our physiological state.

7. The fat person with all the knowledge, education and resources… and a crap attitude.. will stay fat.

8. The fat person with limited knowledge, resources and genetic potential.. and a great attitude… will produce much better results every time.

9. The sooner we stop getting in shape for ‘events’ (weddings, birthdays, reunions, parties) and start getting in shape for life… the sooner we’ll start to see forever results.

10. The fitness industry and medical profession have a one-dimensional approach to weight-loss; physical. This is ignorant, naive and ineffective. Losing weight (effectively) is a complex, multi-dimensional process (physical, emotional and psychological).

11. Losing weight is not about finding the right program, diet, supplement or drug; it’s about finding the right attitude.

12. Many (okay, most) fat people make excuses and tell lies.
A lot.
Just ask the ex fat kid.
Yes, I know this sounds offensive but if you had experienced the thousands of conversations with as many fat people as I have… you’d know that I’m telling the truth. You can get offended… or educated; it’s a choice.

13. By the way, ‘fat ‘ is not an insult (in this discussion)… it’s a physiological state.

14. The sooner we call fat what it is (as opposed to deluding ourselves by calling each other full-figured, big-boned and heavy-set) the sooner we will get serious about addressing obesity in a real, practical, no bullshit way. Perhaps we should worry less about political correctness and more about heart disease, diabetes, bowel cancer and the plethora of other obesity-related conditions.
“Whatever you do.. don’t mention the ‘F’ word.. you might hurt her feelings; she’s not fat, she’s… voluptuous!”.

15. We love to play the blame game.
We wanna blame someone or something for our obesity.
It’s a time thing.
It’s a genetics thing.

As long as it’s not a ‘me’ thing. Otherwise I might have to get off my ass and take responsibility for my fat self.

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is an Australian motivational speaker, qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. He can be heard weekly on Australian Radio SEN 1116 and GOLD FM and appears on Australian television on Network Ten’s 9AM. He is also a columnist for Women’s Health & Fitness, and Alpha Magazines.

How To Overcome Shyness

The next time you’re invited to a party but afraid to go, try approaching this: shyness may affect up to 40 percent of the population, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

People can overcome their shyness with preparation followed by slowly engaging themselves in new social situations, according to psychologists.

Perhaps it comes as no surprise that one of the world’s foremost experts in shyness, Bernardo Carducci, has battled with shyness himself.

“I had lots of friends, but I had no dates,” Carducci, the director of the Indiana University Southeast Shyness Research Institute, said of his youth. Shyness is “something that I work at.”

Recipes for shyness

Carducci says that despite beliefs to the contrary, shyness is not completely hardwired.

This is because shyness requires a sense of self—which develops only after about 18 months of age. It involves feelings of excessive self-consciousness, negative self-evaluation and negative self-preoccupation, he explained.

“Shy people operate as if thy have a mirror in front of them all the time,” he told LiveScience.

Genes do, however, seem to play a role. About 15 percent of babies are born with what is called an “inhibited temperament”—meaning that they react stressfully to new experiences. They might cower at the sound of a bursting balloon, for instance.

And if one identical twin is shy, the other also is likely to be shy, said Jonathan Cheek, a psychologist at Wellesley College in Massachusetts.

“This does not mean that shyness is predetermined by inheritance, or that it cannot be overcome,” Cheek said, “but simply that some people are born more susceptible to becoming shy than are others.”

A shy disposition

In a nutshell, shy people want to be outgoing and friendly, but can’t seem to figure out how to do it, Carducci said.

They are also slow to “warm up” in new social situations, partly because they are so self-conscious.

“They’ll go to a social function, but if they’re not comfortable within 10 minutes, they’ll turn and they’ll run,” Carducci said.

Finally, shy people tend to have what Carducci calls a “limited comfort zone.” They may be social and have friends, but they tend to do the same things over and over again with the same small circle of people, rather than exposing themselves to new social situations.

Carducci points out, however, that shyness is not related to self-esteem. People can be confident in certain aspects of their lives—they may be able to give presentations in front of hundreds of people—but the thought of making small talk with a stranger might make them extremely anxious.

Don’t be shy of a cure

There are a number of approaches to overcoming their shyness.

One is through relaxation training. People might try imagining themselves in different social situations while taking slow, deep breaths to keep calm, said Cheek, the Wellesley psychologist.

They can also work to slowly expand their comfort zone, Carducci said.

He suggested volunteering as a good way to do this. “When you volunteer, [people] don’t really care your level of skill; they’re just after your time, so there’s no critical self-evaluation,” he explained.

It’s also important to overcome shyness one step at a time, according to both psychologists.

For instance, “if a shy man wants to ask a woman he sees at work out on a date, his first goal might be to have a brief conversation with her about some work-related topic,” Cheek said.

Before doing so, he should practice the conversation with a friend or a counselor, Cheek said. Then the second time the shy guy speaks to the woman, he could talk about something a bit more personal, until eventually, he feels comfortable asking her out on a date.

People should also realize that “they need not take all the responsibility for any failure they might encounter,” Cheek said. “Sometimes another person is unresponsive for reasons that have nothing to do with the shy person.”

By Melinda Wenner - LiveScience.com

Putting Things in Perspective

I found this little gem while surfing the other day. What a wonderful little story to put things in perspective:

I’ve discovered a way to bring a new perspective to your life.

To explain it, I have to tell a little story.

Driving home Friday night, I was remembering a time years ago, when my daughter Lauren (now six years old) was in her first year. An old friend of mine was coming to town, and we went with my wife to see a Glen Phillips solo acoustic concert down near San Diego.

We were very excited to see the show. But for some reason, we couldn’t get a babysitter. So we decided to take Lauren. Since it was just an acoustic show, we hoped that she’d sleep peacefully on my lap. If, during the show, she got upset, I would take her out to the car. Thereafter, my wife and I would take turns watching her in the car.

Lauren was asleep when the concert began — but she awoke, crying, five seconds into the first song. It was louder than we had thought it would be. I hurriedly took her to the car, which was parked on the street about half a block away.

Once I had her out there, I never brought her back inside the club. Although part of me wanted to be back inside watching the concert, I was also having fun being with my daughter — at times talking to her when she was awake, and at times watching her sleep. Plus, I wanted to let my wife see the whole concert. I figured there was no reason to interrupt her enjoyment if I was having a perfectly good time.

It wasn’t so much that I preferred to be with my daughter than to watch a concert. I just didn’t mind staying out with her in the car.

Thinking about this the other night, I asked myself: Patrick, if you could go back to that night, right now, and either stay out in the car with Lauren, or be inside and watch the concert — which would you do?

And of course the answer was obvious.

The night it happened, I didn’t mind being in the car with my daughter. But if I could go back now, there’s no question that I would want to be there.

Not only would I stay in the car with her — I would make the most of the experience, realizing that I had a precious chance to see her at that age again. I would try to commit every moment to memory.

And then I realized: some day, years in the future, I might be asking the same question about my life today — this very minute. If you could have this moment back to live over again, what would you do?

The rest of that evening, I pictured myself as having been sent into my body from the future, to relive the moments I was experiencing. And I saw everything differently. I sat on the couch and watched television with my arm around my wife — all the while imagining myself as an old man, transported back in time to relive that moment. And all of a sudden, what otherwise might have seemed like a mundane moment seemed like a privilege. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world, just sitting there with my wife.

I’ve tried the trick all weekend, and it really changes your outlook. Just sitting around with a sleepy child in your arms is great any way you look at it. But if you picture yourself as someone whose child has grown up — if you imagine yourself as an older man, who would give the world to be back in that chair with that child in his arms — it makes you realize how important the moment is. And you appreciate it more.

Like any epiphany, I know that this will pass, to be remembered only from time to time. I hope I remember it often, when routine is wearing on me.

But there are times I actively need to forget it, because this outlook promotes a sort of hedonism. For example, right now, I need to clean the house — but that’s not really what I would choose to do if I were sent here from the future.

Oh, well. I’m going to clean up anyway. I think the guy from the future would understand — sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. I can hear my future self in my head right now. He says to make a nice cup of coffee and put on some music while I do it, and take some breaks to play with the kids. Enjoy the chores as well as the easy and fun moments, I hear him saying. Some day, you’ll miss even the chores. Some day, you’ll miss almost everything about your life the way it is right now.

written by: http://patterico.com/

Why Should I Hire You?

Brian A. Young likes to spend time with potential hires, even if they won’t report to him. “It’s the most important thing you have — the people — so we take a lot of time in hiring,” explains the vice president and CIO at Creighton University in Omaha.

Young, like many hiring managers, puts great effort into the interview process. He says it’s a chance to move beyond the résumé and learn more about the skills and personality traits that candidates can’t encapsulate on their CVs — an especially important task as the IT labor market continues to tighten. (See “The Recruit/Retain Shuffle.”)

“It’s not frenzied, but it is tougher hiring people. A lot of the activity is to find good talent, [not] just bodies,” says Shadman Zafar, CIO for the telecommunications line of business at Verizon Communications Inc.

With that in mind, we asked some IT executives to share their favorite interview questions. Here are their responses.

Describe your toughest assignment so far. “You get an immediate feel for their weaknesses as they’re telling a story,” Zafar says. “You can also tell how they counter their weaknesses.”

Share with me a conversation you had with your boss or others in your life where some feedback you heard was tough to take. “I think that shows a lot about someone’s willingness to listen well and act on that feedback,” Young says.

In response to this question, a woman once told him that her boss said she needed to learn when to abandon e-mail and communicate in person. She said she then went around to friends to get their feedback so she could find ways to improve. She also said she was hoping to take a public speaking course to help her communicate better. Good answer.

What will you do if you don’t get this job? Responses to this question show how seriously candidates take their career paths, says Katherine Spencer Lee, executive director at Robert Half Technology, a Menlo Park, Calif.-based IT staffing company. Individuals who are also applying for other jobs or planning to further their qualifications in a specific field demonstrate a commitment to their aspirations. That’s a plus.

But those who can’t articulate a plan might just be trying something new on a whim. Moreover, Lee says a candidate’s response tells her how fast she has to move: If someone says he has other interviews, Lee knows she has to act fast.

One of the more interesting responses she has had to this question is, “You can’t afford not to hire me because I’ll go work for your competitor.”

Lee says she has hired candidates who have given that response, but it has to be delivered right. It needs to sound confident, not arrogant.

Why should I hire you? “It’s the opportunity to see if the individual wants the job,” says Sherry Aaholm, executive vice president of IT at Memphis-based FedEx Corp. “I want to see if they’re passionate and if they’ve done their research into that position.”

One interviewee gave a classic wrong answer: “Because you already know me.” A previous relationship won’t get a candidate the job, Aaholm says, nor will such an uninspired answer.

Have you ever had to terminate someone? Aaholm says responses give her insight into how well candidates work with their teams, whether they’re willing to help develop and train people who are struggling, and whether they can make the tough decision to let someone go when it’s just not working out.

Tell me about a problem your company had and how you used technology to solve it. “You want to see how they use the knowledge, not just that they have the knowledge,” says Robert Rosen, CIO at the National Institute of Arthritis and Musculoskeletal and Skin Diseases in Bethesda, Md. Rosen says he slightly alters that question for candidates applying for more customer-oriented IT positions, asking, “What business problem were you trying to solve, and how did you bring value to the customer using technology?”

What are your long-term goals? “I want people who have a vision and a goal,” says Robert Moon, senior vice president and CIO at LeapFrog Enterprises Inc., a developer of technology-based learning products in Emeryville, Calif. Moon says he can also determine, based on the candidate’s response, whether he can mentor or move the person through the organization to help him reach those goals.

“My favorite answer is, ‘I want your job,’” Moon says.

What book is currently on your nightstand? “It gives me an idea about the type of person they are. Are they readers? Because that means they tend to be learners,” says Brian L. Abeyta, second vice president in the project management office of the IT department at insurance provider Aflac Inc. in Columbus, Ga.

Abeyta says he’s not looking for specific reading material, but rather sincere answers. He says he suspects that people who tell him they’re reading a project management methodology book are just trying to impress him. “I’ve had a few people say they don’t have time to read, or they read magazines,” Abeyta says, adding that he puts a premium on getting honest answers.

How close are you to the technology, and how important is that to you? “I’ve found that most often, [the answer] I get is what’s important to them as opposed to what they think I want to hear. It’s a broad enough question that people start talking,” says Joel D. Jacobs, acting CIO at The Mitre Corp., a not-for-profit company that provides research and development support to the government.

Jacobs says he usually hires high-level IT workers, not hands-on developers. Yet various positions still require different levels of in-depth technical know-how. This question helps guarantee the right fit between the candidate and the position.

Jacobs says one candidate initially responded with a “deer in the headlights” look and said he hadn’t thought through a question like that. He then explained that he sometimes dug deep down into particular technologies to develop better understandings, although he didn’t want to spend all his time working at that level.

Jacobs says the candidate’s ability to so clearly articulate a response to the surprise question impressed him. Moreover, the candidate’s response was consistent with the open position’s work requirements, another bonus. Jacobs offered the candidate the job.

Pratt is a Computerworld contributing writer in Waltham, Mass. Contact her at marykpratt@verizon.net.