8 Ways To Stay Calm When You’re Really Pissed Off

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You know that feeling you get when someone says or does something that makes your blood boil? Your face turns red, your heart starts pounding, the muscles in your throat tighten and you get that queezy feeling in your stomach? When someone really pushes my buttons, my voice quivers.

Anger is the one emotion scientist have clearly correlated to physical illness. A little bit is fine and very natural but consistent anger is dangerous. When you lose your cool, your body releases epinephrine, your fight or flight hormones, which in turn tells your body it’s under stress, and in response, tenses up. Constant tension is linked to high blood pressure, heart attacks… you get the idea.

Controlling your anger means understanding why you feel it. Learning to release your anger in healthy ways will also allow you to live longer by helping reduce your stress. Whatever your physical or emotional reaction, here are some tips to help keep your cool to live another day.

1. Take a deep breath. When your ticked off, the body releases adrenalin that makes your heart rate increase and your blood pressure skyrocket. By taking a deep breath, you help lower your heart-rate which in turn sends a signal to your brain that the adrenalin isn’t needed. It also helps clear the cobwebs and bring clarity to the situation.

2. Remove yourself from the situation. If you feel your temperature starting to rise, walk away. Allow yourself to regain control of your emotions. Let the other person know you need a moment and you’ll be right back. After your out of view, take those deep breaths, splash water on your face, jump up and down, and mutter a few choice words. When your thinking clears up, return to the situation and deal with it.

3. Write it out. If your pissed off all the time, then a journal might be a way to draw out your frustrations. Document who you’re mad at and why. Getting your thoughts out in the open where you can read them can help release some pent up frustrations. If you want to start a journal… here’s a great place to start: MySelfDevelopment Journal. Best of all, it’s private and free.

4. Be aware of your trigger points. Pay attention to what it is that sets you off. What is it that pushes your buttons? Once you’ve identified some characteristics, take action when you find yourself in those situations. For example, if you know that you are easy to anger when tired, then don’t even attempt to carry on a major or emotional discussion with a significant other late at night. Just tell’em this really isn’t a good time and request you talk about it in the morning. Your not trying to avoid the situation, just reschedule it.

5. This too shall pass. Just keep reminding yourself this. It works. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. Any short term anger your feeling in the moment will pass. It’s only temporary. Don’t do something stupid you’ll regret later.

6. Rationalize your anger. I’m not talking about excusing it, but rather throwing some logic behind the emotion. Consider the reasons why your angry. This often makes the anger lose it’s punch. For example, if your angry because of jealousy over your significant other for whatever reason, then more careful consideration of the situation may bring some sanity to the circumstance. A good way to keep yourself in check is to ask a friend if your anger is warranted. Just make sure that when you relate the situation to the third party that you include all the details, which may mean admitting some fault and accepting some things that you may have been trying to deny.

7. Release. Believe it or not, lashing out actually increases the tension in your body. Instead, try to do something constructive with that energy like going for a run, doing some sit-ups, push-ups or whatever exercise your can do…. anything short of punching someone out.

8. Have some empathy. If it’s possible, try to understand the reason behind someone else’s behavior - true or not, it becomes less of an affront. For example, when someone cuts you off in traffic, consider why they may be in a hurry - perhaps he’s late to his daughters first piano recital - which is her last because she is dying of cancer.

Just some simple ideas that might make it a tad easier to deal with in the future. Take ownership of the anger and understand the reasons behind the emotions. It’s also important to make an apology when you have caused damage with your anger. If you’ve acted in a way that’s less than admirable, it’s probably a good idea to apologize. This helps mend the relationship and ensures that others aren’t smoldering in their anger toward you. And, oh yeah…. try to relax.

Written by: Robert Hunt