Gratitude And Attention

Your eyes are still closed when you hear the beeping of your digital alarm clock go off on the small wooden table next to your bed. Without opening your eyes your arm naturally reaches over to press the black “snooze alarm” button - a motion you repeat just about every morning.

But this morning nothing happens. The beeping continues – and is getting a bit irritating. So now you open your eyes and watch your index finger press hard on the correct button. More beeping. You hit another switch which should just turn the alarm off completely. Still more beeping. In a fit of frustration you finally pull out the cord from the electrical outlet. Ahh…. quiet at last. Perhaps it’s time for a new clock.

A few minutes later you find yourself about to get up from a brief stop at the toilet when . . . . the toilet won’t flush. “I’m really starting off the day in great shape,” you think. You get dressed and start the coffeemaker to give you a bit of a jolt, but when you come back to the kitchen there is hot water and coffee grounds all over the table. Now you’re beginning to think that this is a bad dream and you must still be in bed. But it’s not over. You open the door to grab the morning paper and quickly check the news before leaving for work but . . . no paper! You look to the left, to the right.

Did someone take your paper? Did they forget to deliver it? No time to speculate further. Got to get to work. As you drive down the highway to work, you’re thinking about how rough the morning has been when suddenly . . . the person driving in the next lane changes lanes – cutting you off and almost running you off the road. When you arrive at work your heart is still racing and you take every opportunity to share your “extraordinary” morning with your colleagues. What a relief it will be when this day is over!

If you’ve ever had a day when everything seems to go wrong you can probably sympathize with the subject of the story above and it appears understandable that he or she would feel frustrated and perhaps have a sense that the world is a pretty unfriendly place.
To begin to understand the relationship between attention and gratitude we need to turn the story around. Imagine a day when . . . .

- the alarm works perfectly
- the toilet flushes just the way it’s supposed
- the coffeemaker produces a hot, aromatic cup of coffee
- your morning paper is waiting outside your door
- no other car crashes into you or cuts you off on the way to work

Now what happens? Do you arrive at work feeling overwhelmed with gratitude – with an attitude of appreciation for all the people and things that are supporting you on this glorious morning?

Probably not.

Habits of Attention

Most likely your attention has identified and attached itself to some other problems. If there’s no particular problem going on that morning, your mind may ruminate about something that happened in the past or anticipate some difficulty that may occur in the future. It is common for our attention to focus on the problems and difficulties we are facing because we have to pay attention to such challenges in order to handle them. Unfortunately we can develop a “habit of attention” in which we fail to notice the many things that are supporting our existence – our health, our work, our family, and our efforts to accomplish the things we want to do. The more this “habit of attention” has developed, the less likely we will be able to experience gratitude.

I first made the connection between Gratitude and Attention when I discovered a Japanese method of self-reflection called Naikan (like the name of the camera). The word Naikan means “inside looking” or “inside observation.” This method of self-reflection is primarily based on three questions:

1. What have I received from others?
2. What have I given to others?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused others?

As you can see these questions are very simple. And when I participated in a 14 day retreat in Japan in 1989, these questions became the framework for me to reflect on my entire life. I reflected on each stage of my life and on every person who had playing a meaningful role in my life since my birth (my mom, dad, grandparents, teachers, friends, colleagues, ex-girlfriends, etc. . .) When I stepped back from my life and began quietly reflecting on everything that had been done for me and given to me (question #1) I was surprised and overwhelmed by how much I had received in my life. The day I left that retreat I felt more cared for, loved and supported than ever before. It was as if I had a blood transfusion and gratitude was now simply flowing through my veins and arteries. I had learned to notice what I had not been noticing. Through self-reflection I had learned about attention and gratitude.

That two week retreat inspired me to return to Japan many times to investigate, in more depth, the Japanese art and practice of self-reflection. I have yet to discover a more profound method for cultivating gratitude and reshaping our attitude and understanding of our lives.

Let’s consider three of the greatest obstacles to gratitude. They are:

Self-preoccupation
We are so preoccupied with our own thoughts, feelings, needs and bodies that we have little attention left over to notice what is being done to support us. You might think of your attention as flashlight. As long as you shine the light on your problems, difficulties, and aches and pains, there is no light available for seeing what others are doing for you.

Expectation
When I turn the switch on my bedside lamp I assume the light will go on as it (almost) always does. Once I’ve come to expect something, it doesn’t usually get me attention. My attention isn’t really grabbed until my expectation isn’t met (the light bulb doesn’t work). So my attention tends to gravitate away from what I expect and towards what I don’t expect.

Entitlement
The more I think I’ve earned something or deserve something, the less likely I am to feel grateful for it. As long as I think I’m entitled to something I won’t consider it a gift. But when I am humbled by my own mistakes or limitations, I am more likely to receive what I am given with gratitude and a true sense of appreciation for the giver as well as the gift.

To experience a sense of heartfelt gratitude we most overcome these three obstacles. Self-reflection provides a path for doing so. It allows us to pause to appreciate what is being given to us rather than focus on what we don’t have. It allows us to consider the countless objects and human beings that made it possible for me to get to work or turn on my computer. Through self-reflection, we can come to see everything we have, and are, as gifts. And through self-reflection we begin to train our attention to notice what we haven’t noticed.

It is rare to meet a person whose life is full of gratitude. Many people don’t truly appreciate what they have until it is gone. And having lost the opportunity to be grateful, they simply find another reason to be disappointed.

If you wish to cultivate gratitude you must develop a practice. Without practice, there is no development of skill - only an idea. You cannot become a grateful person just by thinking that you want to be grateful. Sometimes we are engaged in a practice, but we don’t think of it as a practice. For example– complaining. Complaining is a wonderful practice if you wish to cultivate disappointment, resentment and self-pity. Have you ever tried this practice? It is quite effective. Each time you complain you get better at complaining. It is like learning to play an instrument.

Most of us are better at the practice of complaining than at the practice of self-reflection. We have developed a habit of attention – to notice the troubles others cause us. And we have developed a habit of speech — to complain to others about these troubles. But to cultivate gratitude, we need to develop a new habit of attention – to notice the concrete ways in which the world supports us each day. And we can then develop a new habit of speech – expressing our gratitude to others.

So start your practice today. Notice. Reflect. Express. Hey, what’s that sound? Oh, it’s the alarm on my watch reminding me I have an appointment. What a nice feature. It frees up my mind to attend to other things. Thanks, watch. And thanks to my wife Linda who gave it to me. And thanks to all the people who made it. And thank goodness my finger works well enough to shut it off. Time to move on.

Gregg Krech is the Director of the ToDo Institute and the author of several books including A Natural Approach to Mental Wellness and the award-winning book Naikan: Gratitude, Grace and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection. He conducts ToDo Institute’s annual distance learning courses which include Working with Your Attention in April and A Month of Self-Reflection in November. More information on these courses is available by emailing the ToDo Institute at todo@together.net

Imagine

Does that sound like the start of a terrible day? Most would answer ‘yes’. Few people however, would answer, ‘no’. These are the people, who are in my opinion blessed with a gift. A gift that determines how they view their life. These people live with ‘an attitude of gratitude’. For them, the situation described could be worse. Much worse. For example, think of the man who doesn’t have a bed, let alone a roof to over his head. When he is awoken from what little sleep he is able to get, it is by the rain falling on his cold body. He too stumbles to his feet and begins his journey to work in his bare feet. His work is in the field of survival. He searches though garbage cans for scraps of half-rotten food to eat and odd bits of clothes to keep him warm.

The purpose of this example is to illustrate that we all have so much to be grateful for. Even in times when it seems that nothing could be worse, there is always a reason to be grateful. And when you feel a sense of gratitude, you feel a sense of happiness and content. My challenge to you today is to learn to look for the good in every situation and live with ‘an attitude of gratitude’.

I assure you, if you were the fellow searching for food in garbage cans you too could find things to be grateful for. You just have to look hard enough and ‘open your eyes’ to what is around you. You have to focus on what’s good in your life, not what’s bad.

“I once was distraught because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.” - Unknown

Life works in mysterious ways. Time and time again there have been stories of people who are in a dire strait yet they are found helping others who are experiencing greater turmoil. This is because once you have helped someone in greater need than yourself, you always feel better. You feel better because you have helped another human being, and this forces you to change your mindset from focusing on your problems to focusing on their solutions.

Always focus on the solution, not the problem and live with an attitude of gratitude! Mother Teresa was a primary example of this phenomenon. Her entire life revolved around helping others in need. As a result she experienced a great deal of love and self-satisfaction in her life.

I challenge you now to take a moment to think of five things in your life that you are grateful for today. For example, your friends, your family, your job, your sense of smell, touch, sight, and sound. The list can go on and on. Imagine what your life would be like without these things. Write them down on a piece of paper and really think about the things you are grateful for. You will be amazed at how great you will feel!

by Glen Hopkins

[tags]imagine, imagination, [/tags]

An Abundance Of Life

Very few of us take the time in our busy day to stop and look at what we have. Our advertising, media and industries are designed to constantly show us what we lack. It tells us that without the latest car, fashion accessory or designer fad we are poor.

We even use our children to compete with the neighbors by buying them the latest “must have” toy. But does this rush for the must have item actually make us feel rich or does it merely highlight our sense of lack? But if surrounding ourselves with the trappings of materialism does not make us feel wealthy then what will?

We are also bombarded by images of lack. The news tells us how little income the pensioners receive and hence how they will suffer; the increase in fuel duty will lead to higher prices in the shops and we will no longer be able to afford certain luxuries; and student debt is higher than ever.

Whilst these are all serious issues that need to be addressed, we also need to deal with our propensity to hook into the poverty consciousness. As our fear then begins to rise we cease giving thanks for all that we have and begin to look at all the areas in our lives where we feel lack.

As the Reiki principle says we should begin by taking the time to acknowledge what we already have. As I am sure we have all experienced, people respond to the energy that we send out. The Universe is no different. If we send out a signal of poverty and lack, then we become a magnet for that type of interaction with life around us. We have the ability to become powerful magnets for abundance…..abundance in experience – both pleasant and more challenging – and abundance in material goods.

The fear of lack creates blocks that prevent the Universe from blessing us with further wealth. These blocks also serve to harden our attitudes to the world and its needs and encourage us to take our family, friends and lives for granted. We feel the world is in debt to us, rather than living in a state of harmony and generosity with it. We feel we must hang on to what we have for ourselves, unable to share with others, for fear that there will be nothing left for us in the end.

However the true key to abundance is generosity – of time, money, goods and spirit. Living in gratitude means we live in abundance. The more we count our blessings, the more blessings we have to count. By acting abundantly in spirit and action, we attract more abundance. If we place our focus on what we lack, then we will live that way.

But our blessings also include those people and events in our lives that at first appear negative. It is easy to say thanks for those items that we love and desire, but the real test comes when we must show gratitude for the hardship in our lives. We need to remember that every event and person has come into our life in order to teach or show us something. Whilst we may not always like the style of lesson, we should open our hearts and our minds to a wonderful learning opportunity and remember that these lessons are not placed upon us as a punishment from a harsh and cruel world. We should live constantly thanking others for what they have come to teach us.

But living in gratitude has another wonderful side effect…we smile more, have more enthusiasm, have a kind word to say to those we meet and we gradually release the stress we carry with us. And less stress means better health.

We need to realise that we are rich, every one of us. We have been given the most precious gift of life. Whilst we have this gift we are truly living in abundance. If we awake every day in gratitude for the gift of life, then the day that stretches before us can only hold wonder, joy and love in its hands.

When David Blaine re-emerged from his self imposed starvation, he spoke of how he, ill and starving, now appreciated life and all its gifts. It struck me as very sad that he needed such an experience in order to learn to see the beauty of the world around him. Let us wake up now and see the abundance of life and all its beauty.

© Christina Moore 2003 Christina is trained and qualified Reiki Master and Teacher. Please visit her website at http://www.reikihealing.org.uk/